Tag Archives: TLC

Imponderable #59: Honey Boo Boo

24 Aug

August 24, 2012

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be

With the inspiring lyrics of Whitney Houston lingering in our ears, let’s watch a little video treat.

Wow.

Just wow. And by the way, TLC really does stand for The Learning Channel, as hard as that is to believe.

I love kids, really I do. Well, I do in theory anyway. In reality? Let’s face it, a lot of kids are annoying. This kid? This kid makes me want to-

DISCLAIMER-  THE EDITORS AND STAFF OR MR. BLOG’S TEPID RIDE DO NOT CONDONE VIOLENCE TOWARD CHILDREN IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, DESPITE WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IMMEDIATELY BELOW THIS DISCLAIMER.

-toss her headfirst out of a zeppelin.

Want more? Let’s see how much you can stand.

I know, I know, she’s just a kid, and if that clip proves anything it is that I should be ranting about the POS mother, but man, I really really hate that kid.

What kind of mother would raise a kid like Honey Boo Boo?

The question is Imponderable.

But just between you and me, I think we know the answer.

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

My Review of Long Island Medium

24 Oct

October 24, 2011

TLC has a lousy show about a psychic housewife from Long Island. I have not seen it but how could it not be lousy?

Long Island Medium stars a woman who, to put it kindly, is just what you think of when you think “Long Island housewife.” The premise is that she has a normal Long Island housewife life, goes Long Island housewife grocery shopping, works out at the Long Island housewife gym, whatever, and BAM! PSYCHIC FLASH! -the yenta somehow gets an insight into the life of some random stranger whom she has to accost on the street and annoy.

Who came up with the title “Long Island Medium”? What kind of a boring, unimaginative name is that? I can only imagine the rejected names- “Medium from Long Island” and “The Long Island Medium.”

As I said, I have not seen this show, but I have seen the commercials.

The most amazing one goes like this. She is in a gym (and she can use a few more squat thrusts if you know what I mean) and some other woman tells her to use her mystic mojo on some guy across the room. He’s a fireman and she asks him if something bad ever happened to him. The guy is a fireman. A New York City fireman. See where this is going?

The fireman breaks down and in tears says that “I was supposed to be at work on 9/11…”

Get it? She went up to a New York City fireman around the 10th anniversary of the WTC tragedy and asked him if anything bad ever happened to him? I’m no psychic but I could have predicted that answer.

And – BAM! PSYCHIC FLASH! I am getting a vision! I think that something bad has happened to you too! Tell me, oh reader, has anything bad ever happened to you? Yes? I knew it!

Yeah, get the point? Go up to anyone and ask a cold, open-ended question and see if damn, you aren’t psychic too. It helps if they already think you are a psychic and are ready to believe whatever you say.

PSYCHIC: “I am getting a strong feeling, a woman who died, she was close to you…”
RUBE: “Yes, yes, oh yes….” breaks into sobs.
PSYCHIC: “I sense it is your mother.”
RUBE’S MOTHER: “I’m sitting right here.”
PSYCHIC: “A grandmother, perhaps?”
RUBE: “OH MY GOD! My grandmother! How did you know?”
ME: “Hey tool, ask any adult about a dead relative and the odds are really good it is a parent or grandparent.”

It doesn’t take Criswell to predict that this show sucks.

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →