September 23, 2010
Gordon Ramsey has returned to FOX television. Astute viewers may remember him from FOX television’s MasterChef, FOX television’s Kitchen Nightmares, and FOX television’s Gordon Ramsey: Cookalong Live. Despite being off the air for almost seven days, FOX is sure that Mr. Ramsey remains strong in viewer’s memories.
For this year’s edition of Hell’s Kitchen, Gordon Ramsey has again stirred the pot and created a stew of beefy competition. This season, Hell’s Kitchen competitors will be drawn from the world of former celebrities, has-beens, and never-weres.
Out first competitor comes from the world sex, drugs, and rock and roll. OK, mostly drugs. A lot of drugs. Here is…. Artie Lange!
Mr. Lange should provide some stiff competition, if he can remain sober. And alive.
Out next competitor is best, or only, known from the 80’s sitcom The Facts of Life, and nothing else since. We all remember nerdy Natalie, here is…. Mindy Cohn!
We all love Natalie, but where would she be without the rivalry of her snooty roommate Blair?
Yes, our next contestant is Blair Warner herself, Lisa Welchel!
Geri Jewell could not be reached for comment.
Returning to the men’s team, straight from the Soviet Union (via Roanoke Virginia), we have 1980’s WWF heel, Boris Zhukov!
Staying with the theme of “sports entertainment,” we now move to the co-owner of a team that is neither competitive in sports nor entertaining, the New York Mets very own inept owner, Jeff Wilpon!
If history is any indication, Jeff Wilpon will be out of the competition early. Very early.
Moving back to the women’s side, or not, depending on your point of view, we have…. Divine!
Our next competitor may be our most controversial. He’s been in the news a lot lately, and we expect he’ll have a lot to say, here is…. Mel Gibson!
Mel has agreed to compete only on the condition of anonymity.
For our last two competitors, Gordon Ramsey has saved the best for last. This year, he has gone out of the box. Far, far out of the box.
We present…. Pepe Le Pew!
And, daringly, a kabuki mask!
Gordon Ramsey continues his streak of must-see television! In addition to the stars above, he’s even gone to the lengths of raiding the land of the dead!
Special bonus chef… John Belushi!
FOX television is proud to be the network of Gordon Ramsey, 52 weeks each year, non-stop. We hope that you will stay with FOX later this month for the premiers of Kitchen Nightmares: Mystery of the McDonald’s Grease, and Gordon Ramsey’s Junior Chefs, the competition for five to ten-year olds who like to play with fire.
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