Tag Archives: Charlie Sheen

The Mel Gibson or Charlie Sheen Game

28 Feb

February 28, 2011

How well do you know your Hollywood lunatics?

Five of these quotes are from crazy Hollywood racist Mel Gibson. The other five are from loony Hollywood maniac Charlie Sheen. Try to identify who said what. Answers are below. No peeking!

A- “I am one tough motherfucker and you can’t bother me anymore. You ask anybody what their number one fear is and it’s public humiliation. Multiply that on a global scale and that’s what I’ve been through. It changes you and makes you one tough motherfucker. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

B- “I’ll apologize when hell freezes over. They can fuck off.”

C- “I’m not fair game. I’m not a soft target. It’s over. There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.”

D- “I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.”

E- “I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro.”

F- “I want to kill him…I want his intestines on a stick… I want to kill his dog.”

G- “I am battle-tested bayonets, bro.”

H- “I own Malibu… I am going to fuck you.”

I- “I am going to come and burn the fucking house down… but you will blow me first.”

J- “It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.”

BONUS QUESTION

Which celebrity designer said this?

“You’re so ugly I can’t bear looking at you. You’re wearing cheap boots, cheap thigh boots. You’ve got no hair, your eyebrows are ugly, you’re ugly, you’re nothing but a whore.”
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ANSWERS
Mel Gibson said A, B, F, H, and I
Charlie Sheen said C, D, E, G,and J
John Galiano is the asshole designer.

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Snappy Answers to Stupid Celebrity Headlines

16 Feb

February 16, 2011, mid-day

I’ve been a fan of the snappy answers to CNN’s stupid questions over at skinner.fm. In fact, they inspired me to do a special mid-day edition of The Tepid Ride. My apologies. That means there will be six blogs this week instead of five. I hope your schedule (and your stomach) can handle it.

Here are my Snappy Answers to Stupid Celebrity Headlines, with all due respect to Mad magazine, whose Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions inspired the name of this blog. (OK, I ripped it off.)

“I’ve been drunk and high in my limo, in a hotel room, on an airplane, while riding a bull, in the street, on my roof, with Bill Clinton, on the set, but I have never been a Civil War reenactor.”

Yeah, me too.

Who better than a man who spends his life around other sweaty men and in stinky locker rooms to know what smells good?

“I spend hours looking for the perfect location, getting the right light, and picking out the right swimsuit, but mostly I just put a tiny bikini on a hot girl with big boobs.”

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