Tag Archives: apology

A Public Apology to Canada

22 Apr

April 22, 2011

The Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride wish to extend our sincere and humble apologies to the great nation of Canada.

It has been brought to our attention that a blog post earlier this week, “Grocery Shopping. What a Chore“, may have created a false and objectionable view of Canada. In particular, this section:

And yes, I specifically mean Americans. I’m sorry Canadians, I have nothing against you but a lot of you speak French and that just won’t do. North America is an English-speaking continent, that is if you ignore large parts of  The United States in general and about 2/3 of New York City in particular.

This was actually intended as a slam against France.

We regret any misunderstanding.

The official policy of The Tepid Ride has always been pro-Canada. In an effort to improve relations with our cold Northern brothers Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride would like to present this list of notable Canadians.

Bob and Doug McKenzie
Wayne Gretzky
Wolverine
Captain Canuck
Sir Charles Tupper, former Prime Minister (May 1896-July1896)

Canada also has a thriving entertainment industry. These are the top ten shows on  Canadian television for the 2009/2010 season:

1.Survivor: Samoa & Heroes Vs. Villains – 2,929,000 viewers
2.Grey’s Anatomy  – 2,899,000
3.Criminal Minds – 2,807,000
4.American Idol – Performance  – 2,789,000
5.American Idol – Results  – 2,686,000
6.The Amazing Race 15 & 16  – 2,529,000
7.House – 2,493,000
8.CSI: New York  – 2,349,000
9.The Mentalist  – 2,279,000
10.NCIS  – 2,201,000

Canada has also had a strong influence on popular culture and has featured prominently in many hit movies, such as South Park and Rumble in the Bronx.

It is the fervent hope of The Editor’s and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride that, with a little understanding, the peoples of The United States and Canada can come together. In truth, both countries share many similarities, except that the dollar is worth slightly less in Canada.

We hope that this apology has begun the process of healing. In the future, we hope to incorporate more pro-Canada content in The Tepid Ride, and in the spirit of camaraderie, we won’t even mention Celine Dion, eh?

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an inoffensive blog

14 Nov

from March 2, 2008

In the interest of not offending anyone, and not having to issue and apology, and not having Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride or its parent company GOMALCO Industries suspend me or even fire me, here is my latest blog, clean, wholesome, and not the least offensive.

I was watching and episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm the other night. That show is great! Seriously! Larry David is hysterical and not a bit unlike me, in that when I get old and cranky I’ll have no friends either.

In this particular episode Larry had to go to the bathroom and there was a huge line for the only stall, but no line at all for the handicapped stall. So Larry used the handicapped stall and everyone on line wanted to kill him because, they said, the handicap stall is only for the handicapped.

Trust me, I’ve been in this situation before. I know. A stall is not like a parking spot. The handicapped cannot walk and need a spot close to the stores. You can’t park there so it will be available. A stall, however, is not there for any matter of walking distance. It is there to provide a space wide enough for a wheelchair and special support, like a bar to help a handicapped person stand or sit. There is no reason not to use a handicap stall. If it is occupied, the handicapped person can wait until it is free, just like anyone else. And take it from me, sometimes it is a serious emergency and you’ve got to use whatever stall is open. Especially when the handicapped stall is usually farthest from the urinals. When a guy is whipping his shlong out next to me I want more than a one-inch barrier between us. So when it comes to- HEY!

GET OUT OF HERE! TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF THE KEYBOARD AND- WHAT THE?!?! S@@W384875(&*&^^&**(%^%(J-853I34]-O=9@&)@

 A PUBLIC APOLOGY TO DISABLED AMERICANS
FROM THE EDITORIAL STAFF OF
MR. BLOG’S TEPID RIDE

We at Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride (“Home of the Nearly OK Blog”) have always striven to give you, the consumer and avid reader, a high-quality and entertaining product.

In the interest of fai- whu? NO YOU DON”T! Give this back to me now, Now!

I’ll try this again. New blog. Boring but inoffensive.

(Deep breath)

This morning I had breakfast, which is unusual for me since I’m usually not up that early. I had a bowl of cereal (rice crispies) and a  glass of orange juice. And I noticed that while both the orange juice and the milk came in cardboard containers, only the orange juice had a twist-off spout built into the carton. The milk carton still had to be opened the old fashioned way. How many times have you ripped the milk carton when you tried to open it? The orange juice spout is so much neater and convenient. So come on, dairy industry, get with the times and add spouts to your cartons.

There. Done. And not a bit of controversy or anything to apologi- WHAT???????

 A PUBLIC APOLOGY TO THE DAIRY INDUSTRY
FROM THE EDITORIAL STAFF OF
MR. BLOG’S TEPID RIDE

No NO NO! NO! AND I’M SAYING THIS IN MY MOTIVATIONALLY LOUD CAPITAL LETTERS WITH UNDERLINING AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!! NO MORE APOLOOGIES! I MAKE A LOT OF MONEY FOR THIS COMPANY AND IF YOU TRY TO CENSOR MY CREATIVITY I’M GOING TO TAKE THIS BLOG AND MOVE ACROSS THE STREET. FACEBOOK HAS ALREADY MADE ME A NICE OFFER. DON’T FORGET THAT MY CONTRACT EXPIRES NEXT MONTH. SO SHUT YOUR UGLY FACE- NO. MAKE THAT YOUR FUCKING UGLY FACE AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BLOG BEFORE I RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS BACKWARDS.

It will be my pleasure to return to “normalcy” with the next blog.

Heaven help us. 

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