Can Reading the Daily Comics Promote Good Prostate Health?

24 Nov

November 24, 2010

On October 8th, The L.A. Times dropped Rex Morgan, M.D., from its comics page. Reader response was swift and furious.

The departure of “Rex Morgan, M.D.” from The Times’ Comics pages this week has brought in more than 80 e-mails and 50 calls.

“How dare you take away my Dr. Rex Morgan? I look forward to it every day, and now you’ve removed it for a stupid math game. This is crazy,” wrote Helen Crisp of Glendora.

“There are a number of unfunny, inartistic strips that, for reasons known to you, remain on the comic page, while ‘Rex Morgan’ is eliminated? Very sad,” added Stephen Snow of Los Angeles.

“The day ‘Mary Worth’ disappeared from the Calendar section, I started holding my breath for ‘Rex Morgan.’ But to my relief, he got spruced up, married and had a child. It looked like Mary had been the sacrificial lamb and Rex was going to hold the space reserved for basic down-to-earth good advice in health and family matters. Wrong again!” said Dorien Grunbaum of Los Angeles.

Many of you may not be familiar with Dr. Morgan.

Created in 1948 by the late Dr. Nicholas P. Dallis, a psychiatrist from Scottsdale, Arizona, Rex Morgan M.D. continues to be the quintessential family practice physician.

Dr. Dallis created Rex Morgan not only as an exciting and entertaining comic strip, but also as an educational tool: a comic strip that would heighten the awareness of readers about the importance of modern medicine.

Over the years we have seen Rex deal with the compelling medical and social issues of our times — drug abuse, domestic violence, HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis, diabetes, organ transplants, adoption and sexual harassment, just to name a few. There have been more than a few documented cases in which readers were actually able to identify illnesses in themselves from information presented in Rex Morgan M.D.

Oh, wow, just the thing to read on a Sunday morning, nestled between Beetle Bailey and Popeye. Sure, Hagar the Horrible may give you a chuckle, and you might laugh at Blondie, but only Rex Morgan can get you to think about having your prostate examined.

Here are the final strips seen by L.A. Times readers, which was ironically the start of a bold new storyline:

This is something totally new, a prostate-based comic strip. You may recall that Brenda Starr died of breast cancer in 1962, and that as far back as 1956 Prince Valiant was concerned with some strange genital warts, but never had the subject of prostate cancer been broached in an American comic strip. (In Japan, Picachu had already taken a prostate exam in a memorable 2008 storyline.) Previous Rex Morgan strips focused on acne, toe fungus, and thinning hair. This was by far the most controversial plot.

Readers of the L.A.Times missed some startling developments. On October 25th, news of the Mayor’s prostate broke on Twitter:

On October 28th, the prostate had gone viral across the internet.

Gotta hand it to  , that strip stays up to date. And before you ask, no, I did not alter those strips in any way.

I’d like to tell you how this exciting story ended, but as of today, the story still has not come to a conclusion.

I do, however, have a few suggestions.
A- Having become a viral sensation, the Mayor’s prostate becomes the host of a weekly webcast featuring Jackass-style stunts.
B- Rex Morgan, sick of all the attention, tells the Mayor to “jump in a lake and your stupid prostate too.”  The Mayor dies of prostate cancer.
C- Rex Morgan assists in Mary Worth’s suicide, leaves town.

I just have to wonder how a strip like this stays popular. Bit of a downer, I think. The last time I read such a depressing strip was when the chemotherapy made Charlie Brown’s hair fall out. (What, you never wondered why he was bald?)

Remember kids: Prostate cancer, like Rex Morgan, M.D., is no laughing matter.

Your Quatloos Can Help Save the Economy

23 Nov

November 23, 2010

I have long said that the economy, while bad, is not as bad as people think. Sure people are hurting, but let’s put this in a historical perspective. During the Great Depression people stood in line for apples. Today people stand in line for Apple iPads.  

The Modern Depression

As long as people still have disposable income to gobble up whatever electronic gee-gaw Steve Jobs and his black turtleneck put out, and flat screen TV’s are all the rage this Christmas, I think we’re OK.

The brings me to the newest waste of your disposable income, a manual for repairing your starship. From England, where they sound smarter because of the accent, but look dumber because of the teeth:

Yeah, that’s the ticket. The perfect item for the Trekkie on your list, a book not even noted author William “Tekwar” Shatner would bother with, but one the guy with the stained Picard t-shirt must have.

Let’s be clear. If you spend your money on this, you give up your right to complain about your bills, high taxes, or to get a loan from the bank. Clearly, you have no clue how to manage your money. If this book sells in big numbers, I’ll have faith in the strength of the economy, but no faith in the book buying public whatsoever.

(Of course, it is riddled with inaccuracies. The manual claims that on the Mark IV Jeffries Tube, the ion access is on the right and can be unbolted with standard Antares pincers. That is wrong. They are on the left and require Vulcan-metric pincers. I hope somebody got fired for that screw up.)

However, the real issue here is the blurring of the lines of fantasy and reality and economics. I am not against Star Trek, nor am I against Trekkies (and please no “we are called Trekkers” emails, please) or the buying of whatever you please. But this is too much. It is ridiculous. Who needs “a step-by-step approach to stripping the ship down to its essentials and reassembling it”?  You CAN’T strip it down and reassemble it! It DOESN’T EXIST! Put away your tool kits, tools. It is MADE UP.

Making things worse, this is published by a company that publishes manuals for things that actually exist and you can actually fix, like cars. Someone is going to turn up at NASA and demand to buy his own starship, mark my words. And he’ll be wearing a Worf t-shirt and demanding the manual translated into Klingon, mark those words too.

According to one of the authors, who is going to be laughing hysterically all the way to the bank, “It’s something I think people have wanted for a long time, a proper history that puts the Enterprises into context with one another and gives you the story of how they evolved, with each ship building on the last.”

Who? Who has wanted this for a long time? Bring me that person so I can scold him.

I want this book to come with a sticker on the cover, a disclaimer:

“I believe in fairies too, and by purchasing this book I give up the rights to grumble or complain about paying my bills ever again. I am doing my part to jump start the economy by wasting money on this book and even if I have to eat cheap sandwiches from 7-11 all week because I cannot afford food I will still be happy with this stupid book. And Kirk can totally take Picard in a fight.”

The Trekkie Bible?

But who am I to talk? Here are actual comments from the book’s Amazon page, which by the way, claims you will “find out exactly what powered these ships, how they were armed and what it took to operate them.” GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!

(BTW, I have a grammar issue- should it be “what it took to operate them,” past tense, since the Enterprise is from the 1960’s? “What it takes to operate them,” present tense, as the movies are still being aired and produced? “What it will take to operate them,” future tense, since these ships are supposedly in the future? My God, I just can’t care.)

From a 1 star review:

What a great idea. A Haynes Manual for Star Trek. If you have ever seen a Haynes manual, you know what to expect from this book—wrong!
 
This book is simply embarrassing. Coming from Haynes, one would expect technical details. Instead, it is just a piece of garbage intended to milk those die hard trek fans who will buy anything trek.
 
No, I wouldn’t expect details! IT ISN’T REAL! THERE ARE NO TECHNICAL DETAILS, unless you want to know how much glue they used to hold the little television model together.
 
From a 2 star review:
I’m not impressed- this is a “Hack book, made to make money off the fans” rather than an actual book of what would be expected in real life.
 

“Real life?” Seriously? The “real life” of a fictional spaceship from the future? Really?

From a 4 star review:
This book isn’t like Haynes manuals for real-life vehicles, with tear-downs and rebuilds, written for D.I.Y. mechanics. This is more of a novelty item, (probably intended as such).

You think?????

Anyway, go out and support the economy by buying this book. You may not be able to afford steak for dinner, but you will know how to repair the squeak in the Enterprise’s warp drive. But remember, bring Earth currency. Federation credits, Triskelion quatloos, and gold-pressed latinum bars are not legal tender on this planet, no matter what the editor of your fanzine may say.