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Middle-Aged Men on the Block

1 Jan

January 1, 2011

Well I had planned to take the day off, but did you see this last night?

90’s pop jokes New Kids on the Block teamed up with another washed up has-been group, The Backstreet Boys, to form the alphabet-insulting “super group” NKONTBSB.

It was sad. Some of those “kids” and “boys” are over 40, and it shows. Watch the video below and marvel at how laughable some of the “dance moves” are. Obviously, a couple of those children are not as mobile as they used to be. I am sure at one point they were doing the same shuffling moves Popeye used to do in the old Kings Features Syndicate cartoons. Plenty of downtime was built into the routine too. While one group was performing, the other simply stood in the back, resting. After all, they have to be careful- a couple of those guys are in danger of breaking a hip.

Despite the crowd going nuts (and if you had been standing in Times Square for ten hours you’d be going nuts too) they really embarrassed themselves. The songs have not held up. Disposable teen pop is, by definition, disposable. Although any attempt to recycle it rides a very small wave of nostalgia, watching it performed by mature older men dressed in conservative suits was too much. It was all very sad.

They came across as their own tribute band in a 90’s revue.

Nine old men shuffling around the stage trying to recapture the glory of their youth. Sure, they are around 40, not 80, but if you can’t stand Justin Beiber now just wait and see how you feel when he makes a comeback after his hair thins and he does a prostate PSA.

Here it is, watch and see for yourself.

But not me. Seeing it once was enough.

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S’no Thanks, Mayor Bloomberg

29 Dec

December 29, 2010

NYC has been hit by a blizzard. Here in my part of Brooklyn, we had about 20 inches of snow drop on us. According to Mayor Bloomberg, New York’s aloof three-term plutocrat, things are rosy.

“The world has not come to an end,” he said. “The city’s going on. Many people are taking the day off. Most stores are open. There’s no reason for anybody to panic.”


Panic? Perhaps I should point out that I live on the intersection of two main streets and neither one is clear. In fact, one avenue is nearly untouched by plows and cars need to crawl around each other like ants to get by, while dodging pedestrians in the streets. No one is able to get around. People are risking their lives simply going outside.

“Yelling about it and complaining doesn’t help,” Bloomberg said. “I think you can expect another 24 hours before we will get to everyone and even then I’m not so sure.”

How reassuring. That’s leadership?

Well, the Mayor’s 24 hours have come and gone and nearly no plows have come by. The streets are impassable. But who is at fault? According to the Mayor, we are.

“Too many ambulances went down blocked streets, for example,” Bloomberg said. “What they should’ve done was stay at the corner of the main street and then walked down or struggled through the snow to get down, because once the ambulance got in it couldn’t get out.”

[This reporter] witnessed one ambulance doing precisely what the mayor wanted. It stopped on a main street so that EMTs could walk down snow-covered side street to assist someone. But in the process their ambulance blocked traffic, including a snow plow.

This is ass-backwards. Instead of the snow causing the bad conditions so the ambulance was unable to get by, the ambulance is at fault for causing the bad conditions that got the ambulance stuck in the first place. And I am sure it is a great idea for EMT’s to be hauling elderly heart attack victims over five foot snow drifts for an entire city block.

But don’t worry, I’m sure Mayor Bloomberg feels our pain

“When we clear your block,” he warned, “don’t get out and start shoveling snow back out there.”

Bloomberg said all the Broadway shows are going on and suggested that New Yorkers should venture out to see one.

Really? HOW? Mr. Mayor, I can’t get to Broadway! The roads are impossible to drive on, and none of the trains in South Brooklyn are running! HOW CAN I GET TO A BROADWAY SHOW? I can’t get to the bagel store across the street! I wish this guy would get his head out of his ass.

Of course, the City is working on it. Watch this wonderful video.

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