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“Criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot.” Kinda stupid too.

27 May

May 27, 2011

“Criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot.”- Batman

“It was murder, Sam!”- Quincy M.D.

Tonight we are not dealing with arch-criminals. No Happy Face Killers, no Nazis hiding out in Argentina, not even a Shropshire Slasher. Tonight we deal with some lesser lights of the murder fraternity. Oh, they are no less dangerous, just a whole lot dumber.

You may be wondering about this man’s lawyer. (I am wondering about what lawyer takes a case like this to begin with, but I guess that is why America holds attorneys in such high regard.)

The prosecutors, Vince Paciera and Jackie Maloney, argued he faked his illnesses.

Doyle testified against the advice of his attorneys and said he had no remorse for what he did to Lee. He said he had no sympathy for her or her family. And he lashed out at the jury.

“I hate every last one of you, especially him right there,” he said pointing to a man on the panel. “I wish I could cut his head off.”

At another point in his testimony, he said, “If I had an AK-47 (assault rifle), I’d kill every last one of you.”

The jury of three men and nine women deliberated just under two hours.

What took them so long?

This guy is so high tech he even tracked his ex-girlfriend with a hidden GPS device. He harassed her via email and as you might expect, he met her on an online dating site.

(Please do not confuse this man with the Russian composer of the same name.)

A bit of ‘net searching came across this:

Online dating is an increasingly popular way to meet people, and many Americans even end up finding true love and getting married to someone that they met online. Still, any online activity carries a little risk due to the anonymous nature of web interactions. Therefore, it is important to know what to expect during your foray into the Internet’s various dating sites and personals forums.

1.40 million Americans say that they use at least one online dating service.
2.10 percent of all accounts on free online dating sites are spammers, ‘bots, or scam artists.
3.Profiles with photos get over twice as many responses.
4.Online dating is an increasingly popular way to meet your future spouse.
5.Canadians are more active in online dating communities than any other nationality. (I swear that is only a coincidence and I am in no way attacking Canada. Though if I did I could probably take them 2 out of 3.)
6.People over 45 are increasingly turning to the internet to find a partner.

“A little risk?” Nowhere on that list does it say that you may end up murdered.

And that leads us to

He used PayPal? Really? And how about the website owner? Is there no honor among thieves?

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Late Night Movie House of Crap: Lord Love A Duck

25 May

May 25, 2011

Have you ever seen this film? It is apparently a cult film, which is odd since I have not seen it.

I don’t know what impression that made on you, but it seems to me that if Aldous Huxley and Douglas Adams teamed up to write a beach movie and let Russ Meyer direct it you might get something close to Lord Love A Duck.

With that in mind, here is the plot description from wikipedia:

From his prison cell, Alan Musgrave dictates his experiences of the previous year, which he dedicated to fulfilling the unending wishes and ambitions of high school senior Barbara Ann Greene. The daughter of Marie, a cocktail waitress sinking unhappily into her forties, Barbara wants every kind of success and for everyone to love her. Signing a pact with Alan in wet cement, Barbara soon has the 12 cashmere sweaters needed to join an exclusive girl’s club. She drops out of school to become the principal’s new secretary and gets involved in church activities run by strait-laced but hyper-hormonal Bob Bernard. Barbara decides she wants Bob for her husband, which Alan helps make possible by keeping Bob’s eccentric mother Stella (who disapproves of Barbara Ann) perpetually plastered. Then Barbara meets schlock producer T. Harrison Belmont, the King of Beach Party movies, and decides to become the biggest star that ever was. But Bob refuses to allow his wife to have a Hollywood screen test, so Barbara Ann decides she wants a divorce. Since Bob’s mother frowns upon divorce, this prompts Alan to take matters into his own hands and kill Bob. Bob proves almost indestructible, but by graduation time Alan has him in a wheelchair. At the graduation ceremony Alan pursues Bob with a tractor, humorously killing him and everyone else on the speakers’ platform who all screamed in mid-air after being flipped by the tractor before their deaths. Barbara Ann goes on to Hollywood fame in her debut film “Bikini Widow”, while Alan is sent to prison.

I can sum it up much more succinctly: “What the-?”

For anyone like me who must see it, it is on YouTube in 11 parts.

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