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American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior: The Settlement

29 Aug

August 29, 2011

When last we saw American Chopper, OCC and PJD built dueling Cadillac bikes and it was left to the fans to vote for the favorite. Was anyone surprised when the vote was about sixteen million to one in favor of Paulie? Probably no one but Paul Sr. who did nothing but talk crap about his son all season.

As of August 27th, the auction has ended and Paulie won 146,916 to 10,413. I don’t know how Senior will spin it but he got his ass kicked. No matter what else happens this week, I expect him to still say that Paulie’s bike sucked. The real winner was the charity getting that the bikes are being auctioned off for. The high bid for Senior’s bike is $51,000 but Paulie has more than doubled him at $113,000. Any way you look at it, Senior got his ass kicked.

This week the commercials have been teasing a possible resolution in the war between father and son. Paulie still has 20% of OCC and Senor wants it back. I just hope we see more of Mikey’s wonderful “art.”

The show began and guess what? They ignored the big cliffhanger. That Cadillac Build-off they hyped all last season? Done and forgotten. Wanted to hear Senior’s reaction to getting smoked? Too bad.

The hype in the show’s tease was “The day everyone has been waiting for has arrived. Senior and Junior finally sit down to settle the lawsuit that has torn the family apart.” So of course, when the show started instead of that it began with OCC and PJD getting new clients. PJD got Fist technologies, who make biometric starters (meaning only those whose fingerprint matches can start them)  and OCC was hired by Hard Rock.

Even worse, at 6 minutes in we got Jason Pohl saying “gee-tar.” He smiled like he made a joke, and bless his little brain, I’m sure to him it was funny.

But it wasn’t that long until Paulie began talking about the settlement and he has one demand, he wants the Black Widow bike. On the one hand I think OCC wouldn’t want to part with it since it was one of the bikes that made their reputation, but one the other hand Senior always says they are so much better nowadays so why would they want a link to the past, especially since it was made mostly by Paulie, whom Senior always says is a lousy designer? Interestingly, Senior said “he wants his… uh our, Black Widow bike” so maybe deep down he knows it was all Junior. And surprisingly, he agreed to let Paulie have it. 

Interestingly, they spent more time than usual on the builds, almost like they did in seasons past. Recently the bikes have taken a back seat to the drama, but since Discovery ignored the drama of the Cadillac Build Off (and pissed off the fans who wanted to see the outcome) maybe they are going back to the bikes. And that’s good because it gives Rick Petko more screen time, and he seems to be the only guy at OCC who knows what to do and better yet, he knocked Jason Pohl’s designs as nice on paper but unrealistic to ride or build, and one thing I can’t get enough of is knocking Monkey Boy. But we all know if it comes down to Rick or Jason, Senior is going with the one who kisses his ass more.

Jason came out to the floor to complain about the bars and the guys changed it based on his word because- well, I really don’t know why. They should really know best what works, right? But they let Jason decide. At least go to Senior. I guess they know how much Senior loves his puppy. That got Rick unhappy. “What goes on paper isn’t necessarily what is going to happen in real life.” That left Jason unhappy.

As for PJD, they are continuing to work without a blueprint or design and Brendon (who has complained about this in the past) still had to ask Paulie what he wanted down with this and how he should do that. But Paulie is still creative and when the biometric starter- a little finger scanner- arrived, he decided to mount it in the gas tank. (Outside, that is, not inside.)

The Hard Rock bike ended up being an all black frame and tank with a chrome seat in the shape of a guitar. The neck stretched over the gas tank and almost up to the bars. It was nice but take that off the bike and it could have been any bike for anyone. For a bike with a Hard Rock theme it could have been better. From the side the guitar was hard to see and while it was nice, it didn’t say Hard Rock. In my opinion it is a nice bike but it missed the theme.

The Fist bike was all red, black, and chrome and looked good. The bio-starter was right in the center of the tank and it looked like a tough bike. Fist doesn’t have the big image like Hard Rock so there were no expectations, just the use of the new technology. (By the way, wasn’t it Senior who bragged about the new technology in their bikes?)

But for anyone who wants proof that Senior is a liar, here it is. Remember when OCC went into foreclosure and Senior and his lawyers blew it off as a business move? Well due to the foreclosure Senior is considering moving back to the old shop where he first started, since he is in financial trouble and he owns that place outright. Too bad the roof collapsed in a storm. But due to the foreclosure (which Senior said was nothing, remember?) he is forced to find a new shop.

And for the record, we are 45 minutes into the show and they still have not gotten to “the day everyone has been waiting for… Senior and Junior finally sit down.”

After a commercial break, Senior unveiled the bike at the NYC Hard Rock Cafe- and thank God the goofy OCC band didn’t play- and then they got to the settlement, with 10 minutes left in the show. Actually, they got to talking about the settlement. Paulie and Mikey talking to each other in Paulie’s kitchen doesn’t really count as a settlement.

And then at 9:51 they went to commercial. But at least it was an American Chopper commercial, showing that everything you expected in this episode will be in next week’s episode. We’ll see. The commercial showed Paulie in the OCC store looking at the Black Widow bike and Senior talking crap about him. Of course.

With five minutes left in the show Senior and his lawyer arrived in the conference room and awaited Paulie. (Insert your own “Paulie is late again” joke here.) The lawyer says it is all a matter of just signing some papers and it is all over. Paulie and his lawyer arrived- with three minutes left in the show- and father and son actually shook hands and half-embraced. With two minutes left Senior signed, then Paulie signed, and it was over. Senior and Junior shook again, both smiled, and it was over. Total and complete boredom and anticlimax.

Honestly, it was an average show. Last season ended with drama, this one started with none at all.

Secret Origin of a Super Hero

29 Aug

August 31, 2011

Do you think Batman just woke up one day and decided to be Batman? No, it took years of training in various martial arts, years of acquiring the mental and deductive skills of master detectives, years of gaining the technology and physical prowess to perform at the peak of human ability. And also the horrible murder of his parents.

However, Bruce Wayne wasn’t the only one to wear the cape and cowl. At various times he was replaced by Jean-Paul Valley, by Dick Grayson (twice), and even Alfred.

Chief O'Hara is skeptical that this arthritic old man could defeat the Bookworm.

And then there is Mark Wayne Williams (no relation to Bruce Wayne, I suspect.)

This paunchy potential protector of the public was found hanging- yes, hanging- off the wall of a Detroit business. He had apparently hooked his Batrope on the roof and was, well, details are sketchy on what he was doing there. Perhaps he was on patrol. And although there is no indication, I like to think that he was hanging upside-down like a bat.

I feel very sorry for the police who had to hoist him back up to the roof because he was really weighed down, and I’m not just talking about his gut. According to other reports, he was carrying a virtual arsenal in his utility belt, which had better have been reinforced.

Something tells me that “Batman” is in for a long stay at Arkham Asylum.

Mark Wayne Williams seems to really live the superhero lifestyle. Unfortunately, his not-so-secret identity is known to the police. Here he is posing at the police station for, he probably believes, his public commendation from Commissioner Gordon.

Given that Mark Wayne Williams is no Bruce Wayne, and that Detroit is certainly no Gotham City, I have to figure that every city gets the crime fighter it deserves. However, I have to wonder about his dedication to the Bat.

The Crow? Sheesh, just let me know when he starts dressing like Wonder Woman and runs down the street with his arms spread wide pretending to be in his invisible jet.


Remember Johnathan T. Pinney, AKA Doctor Mayhem, the convict who wanted his own island, access to the world’s technology, and a secret volcanic lair? It seems that he is now looking for love. He wants that special woman with whom to share dominion over the planet. Or any other planet.

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