Archive | 2:43 pm

In the Twilight

13 Nov

from November 18, 2009

           As I walked through the grounds I stopped once or twice to kick at the dirt. It had only been a few weeks but the change of seasons had hit hard. Green grass was gone, replaced by brown hard earth and brittle dead leaves. The trees were near-dead skeletons and the stones loomed cold and gray.

           Black, I thought. This isn’t supposed to show the dirt. But the length of the black trench coat was spotted along the bottom hem with dots and splatters of brown sod and grayish-black mud.

            I eventually made it back to the car, right where I left it by the main road. It was also splattered with dirt. “Hmm.”

            There was no one around this time of day. The sun was setting. It was cold and getting dark and this wasn’t the friendliest place at night. Not that it was any better during the day, but at least you wouldn’t accidentally trip over a dead branch or a broken stone.

            Won’t be back for awhile. Damn.

            I took off the trench coat and tossed it in the back. Coats that long just get in the way when you drive. So I started the car, didn’t turn on the radio, and drove out. The road was also dirt, and unmarked and unlit. Figures.

            Eventually I made it out (after a wrong turn or two) and drove onto the county road toward town. Now I turned on the radio. The news was on, just missed sports and traffic was next so I changed the station to some music I couldn’t identify and finally just turned the radio off again. “Shit.”

            The road lights were few and far between but the road was straight and empty. A truck loaded with logs rumbled past going the other way and I had to pull over to allow a van full of old folks to speed ahead of me. Why are they in such a hurry?

            The glow ahead grew bright and the town loomed out of the darkness. The mountains rise behind the town and cast a shadow so approached from this direction, even at twilight, the town usually seemed to be in darkness, so the lights were bright and usually on at even at midday.

            Well, I wasn’t in a hurry and entered town from the west, passed by one of the town’s only two stoplights, and parked in the diner’s tiny lot. The senior citizen van was already parked three spots over, close to the door. I got out. It was chilly but I left the trench coat in the car. I didn’t want to carry that dirt into the restaurant. I had some on my shoes but I did my best to brush it off.

            Millie was behind the counter. She waved. I waved back and sat in another section, across the diner and away from the old folks. The other waitress brought me coffee, as usual, and I didn’t drink it, as usual. I ordered some eggs.

            While I waited I walked over to the counter and took the top paper off the pile. It was the morning edition but it was the local paper and nothing ever changes there and so I read it anyway. Sixteen pages. The antics of the mayor. High school sports. Local gossip. (Millie was in the column, sixth paragraph.) Pages and pages of ads for the two grocery stores, the bookstore, Jenny’s Laundromat, and even a half-page of personal ads.

            I read it cover to cover over my eggs.

            I’m not sure how long I was in the diner. I only wore my watch when I went out of town, not often, and I had nowhere to go. Eventually the old folks left, my eggs were eaten, and Millie was wiping the counters and trying to start a conversation with me, hoping to explain how the gossip column was wrong.

            “It’s OK Millie. I didn’t bother to read it,” I lied. I left a tip and went out to my car.

            The lot was now empty and most of the few stores on main street were closed or closing. Only Jenny’s Laundromat was open (All-Nite! said the sign.) and I headed over to drop off the trench coat. Jenny really did run the Laundromat and she always wore her “Hi! My name is Jenny!” name tag, even though everyone knew her and the only other employee was a black man named Lorenzo.

            Jenny wanted to talk to everyone and I waited until she had a phone call so I could drop off the coat, get my ticket, and leave while her voice was being used elsewhere. Jenny.

            I really didn’t want to go home. Other than to sleep there was no reason to. But there was nothing to do in town (besides talking with Jenny) so I went home.

            The TV was off and I kept it that way.

            I tracked in some of the dirt. Shouldn’t I have walked it off by now?

            For some reason it was hot inside even though I never use the heat and I opened some windows and a nice cool breeze came in. I didn’t mind the cold, I slept under a heavy quilt. I put away some things I had left around and eventually fell asleep. I know I had some dreams but I don’t want to remember them.

            The next day was Saturday. I put on my jeans and sneakers, found an old NYPD sweatshirt and just got in my car and drove.

            I took my watch.

TO BE CONTINUED

My Daring Social Experiment / MySpace Is Full Of Creeps

13 Nov

from November 13, 2007

For two days (and nights, naturally) I left my MySpace page open for all. A couple of friends of friends had wanted to read my stuff and they couldn’t because I keep my page open to my friends only. (Awkwardly constructed run-on-ish sentence there, but I’ll leave it. Nyah.) So I announced, with great lack of fanfare, that I would open the page to all for a couple of days. Anyone who wanted to read could, and anyone who wanted to send a friend request could too.  This was really hard for me because I know how my stuff reads and anyone who doesn’t know me will get the wrong impression of me. Worse still, they may get the right impression of me. (And yet Jennifer still talks to me. Go figure.)

I looked at is as sort of an experiment. “Let’s see what happens,” I said to myself.

“Yes, let’s do it,” I responded.

“Am I really talking to myself?” I asked.

“Yes I am,” I replied

“That’s weird.”

“What’s even weirder is that I’m typing it.”

I’ll stop now. I’m beginning to worry.

So what happened? Well, and this is the important part, nobody read my blog. Not a single view, other than the people whom I already know read my blog. But my profile? A few dozen views in two days. And my mail? Full of shit. Here are a few samples:

INBOX MESSAGE 1

FROM: BETH from UPSTATE NY, 28

MESSAGE: I like your profile.

That’s it, followed by a friend request. Well, since I am tolerant and so damn nice, I went to her profile but it was set to private. Still being stupidly sweet, I checked my friends to see if any of them knew her. Nope. So this was just a stranger who saw my face, which was hidden by a camera in that pic, and clicked on my profile. She (I assume it was a she, the picture was kind of fugly) saw my profile of all the comments she could have made about all the bullshit I put there, she took the time to write “I like your profile” and hoped I would be her friend. Now a different me, one who was not nearly so enlightened, would have replied with a curse filled screed about her mother, but not the compassionate me. I replied “Sorry, no thanks (scud)” and blocked her before I deleted her request.

If you want to be my friend on MySpace- and who wouldn’t? – at least let me see your profile.

INBOX MESSAGE 2

FROM: JSA

Wow! This was it! I had long been waiting for this, and now here was my shot- a chance to join the JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA! I had long read about the adventures of Green Lantern, Wildcat, The Flash, Dr. Fate, and Hawkman, and now I was going to join their ranks! I have never been so excited!!!!!!!! See how excited I was? I used eight exclamation points! My costume has been ready for years- Captain Amazing Man was about to debut!

Boy, was I wrong. JSA stood for Jewish Singles Association. Bummer. According to JSA, they had better boards than JDate and were cheaper too. WHO CARES? I thought I was going to be a superhero! I am not going to go on any site that impersonates a super hero team. (And the Teen Titans? I am staying far away from that jailbait.)

INBOX MESSAGE 3

FROM: PROFILE DELETED

This was very popular. I got a lot of mail from this person. Who would make a profile with just a gray outline as a picture? And the “X” over it? Hardly original. Anyway, this person seemed to really want to be my friend. He sent me over 38 messages.

INBOX MESSAGE 4

FROM: HoT CHocoLAte 4 U

This was another scam. Sure, I like a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows on a cold winter morning. But this was not a beverage site. Nor was it a hot drink fan. All I’ll say is “not interested.”

INBOX MESSAGE 5

FROM: PAULA FROM NEW PALTZ

MESSAGE: Want to be bigger?

By now I had an idea of what was going on. I was slowly realizing that MySpace is full of weirdoes and pervs.

INBOX MESSAGE 6

FROM: RICK

Rick had seen my pic on the message I left on The Onion’s page. So I guess he figured that we would have some things in common.

Here are some of Rick’s interests: Fairy Tales, Full Metal Alchemist, tattoos, his girlfriend, Pimpin’ Out Brittney, and G-Unit.

Here are some of my interests: Not any of his.

Rick scared me a little. His pics were of him and some people who looked like Hell’s Angels but with less street cred. But what scared me the most is that his first interest, before of all of the socially maladjusted stuff, was Fairy Tales. I would love to see the reports from his parole officers.

INBOX MESSAGE 7

FROM: MARIAH

Mariah wanted me to see her pics. How friendly! But I had to pay for them. Boo! Turns out she doesn’t really want to be my friend either, she just wants to make some money by selling me some naked pics. Would you believe it? Is there no truth left in this world?

So my social experiment proved a couple of things.

1- I don’t want to have 1086 friends if they are anything like those feebs and dweebs.

2- MySpace is a good place if you want porn, drugs, or to troll for kids. No wonder it is so popular.

3- Liz’s new pic makes her look bustier. (Sorry to embarrass you Liz, but I call it like I see it.)

4- MySpace is full of strange people, so I fit right in.