June 5, 2010
“We have to save them before they fandango into oblivion!”
(Don’t worry, I’ll explain later.)
Shrek 4 in 3D may be the most shocking film of the season. I was shocked to discover that a 3D film is $4 more expensive than a regular film, which already requires a credit check before you buy a ticket. Shrek 4 was also available in IMAX 3D, but having already taken out a lien on my car to buy popcorn, I saw the regular old 3D.
Shrek did not take advantage of the 3D at all. Obviously, it was made in traditional 2D until someone saw how James Cameron pulled a fast one on the public with Avatar and Dreamworks pulled out the polarized lenses and viola! “3D.” Now everything will be in 3D, including your old vacation films and still no one will sit through them.
Before the film, the theater advised that “to stay green” would we please “recycle” our 3D glasses. They really mean “green” as in “money” because all they’ll do is Lysol them off and give them to the next guy (and I seriously doubt they’ll Lysol them off.) I look at the glasses as part of the ticket price so I kept them. I’m wearing them now as I type. Sure they look silly, but they are also giving me one heck of a headache.
Mike Myers stars as Shrek and he must have run out of ideas. Remember the Austin Powers where Austin loses his mojo and goes back in time to get it? Same thing here. In this film, Shrek/Austin has become a celebrated household name. Instead of fearing him, people cheer him. Instead of avoiding him, they take tours to watch him go to the bathroom. No, seriously, that was in the film.
Taking advantage of Shrek’s lost mojo is Rumplestilskin, and if you think I spelled that right the chances are one in ten thousand. He looks like a short, pasty gnarled version of John Lithgow but about a hundred times more handsome and less annoying. Rumpy tricked Shrek into signing a contract in which A- Shrek got to be an object of fear and loathing once again, and B- Rumpy got to erase the day Shrek was born. Why does he want to do that? The film opens with a flashback to a time before Shrek saved Princess Fiona, his half human/half She-Shrek bride. It seems that ol’ Rump Face was thisclose to getting the King to sign over the kingdom in exchange for curing his daughter when Shrek blundered in and cheesed the deal, thus causing Rump Rump years and years of living out of garbage cans with only his evil goose as a companion. Yup. A giant evil goose.
SPOILER WARNING- THE LAST FEW PARAGRAPHS CONTAINED SPOILERS
Well, as any fan of Back to the Future can tell you, Shrek returned to a future where Rumplewhatever was King, Fiona never met him, and Biff Tannen ran the biggest casino in town. To make things right, Shrek had to get Fiona to kiss him at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance, a long shot seeing as how all the ogres were being hunted down like Taylor and his crew in Planet of the Apes.
Other new characters in the film include a whole slew of new ogres who teach Shrek how to blow great blasts out of his, er, ears, and the Pied Piper, who plays the Beastie Boys’ Sure Shot on his flute, (I am not making that up)
In fact, the Pied Piper inspired one of my favorite lines in the film (OK, my only favorite line in the film): “We have to save them before they fandango into oblivion!” In the pretense of keeping this a fair and objective review, I will tell you only that Puss in Boots said it to Donkey as the ogres were forced to dance away by the Piper, but I will not tell you the song they danced to.
Does Shrek save the day?
Does Fiona fall in love with him again?
Did I almost spill my large coke all over my sneakers?
Of course. This is a Dreamworks film, not some sad post-war Russian art house flick.
Overall, this is a worthy addition to the Shrek oeuvre, and if you are as lucky as I was, it is even better seen from my favorite seats, top row, center. While the 3D may not have been used to much effect, I’m sure the IMAX was much the same, just on a bigger screen.
(Speaking of 3D, thank God they didn’t film Sex and the City in IMAX 3D. Those wrinkles would look like canyons!)
Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride 
Your Comments