excerpted from May 31, 2009
Speaking of uniforms, as if we were, the Fleet is in. Yes indeedy-do, this was Fleet Week. Sailors from all over the world flooded into New York, only to get pissed off when they saw how Times Square has been cleaned up. C’mon, these are guys who prowled the back alleys of Calcutta and got poon from hookers in Tokyo. What, they should get excited by the Disney Store? These are sailors, and sailors are to cheap women and penicillin as Obama is to easing rules for terrorists in prison- or I should say, soon-to-be fellow New Yorkers.
What is even funnier about Fleet Week is the news coverage about Fleet Week. Engaging in Funny Stereotype Number 83, CBS news interviewed women in mid-town Manhattan about all the military guys in town. I don’t know how many women they spoke to, but they aired three, ages anywhere from 58 to 158, getting all giddy about sailors. “I’m going to marry one!” claimed an old bag with too many pounds and too little make-up. Way to strike a blow for equality, CBS!
So New York is now full of foreigners. As usual. But these guys are all walking around with funny uniforms. There are the guys from the former Soviet countries, wearing uniforms with way, way too much gold braid. They’ve got badges on their sleeves and a lot of funny looking words on their hats. And those are just the ensigns. I saw a Ukrainian Admiral with actual antlers coming out of his hat. The Commodore from Albania wore a bear skin.
Some guys got the short end of the Fleet Week stick. A couple of Canadian ships (their motto: Canada is cold) got stuck docking in Staten Island. The joke was on them when they got off the ship and discovered that they had to take the Staten Island ferry to Manhattan. Just what the sailors wanted- another boat ride.
I also spotted some Polish sailors buying snow tires for their battleship. KIDDING! I’m just kidding! I love Polish people! I just love Polish jokes more.
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