Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride

LHS this and that, random stuff, odd stuff, stuff that didn’t go anywhere else.

In no particular order, some unblogged oddities from the last few days at Lafayette.

REGENTS WEEK  

Where to begin? I’ll start with “A” for “Argano. Maria has a secret dream to be a backup dancer. You know, like a Supreme, or a Ronnette, or maybe one of the hoes thrusting her vagina around behind 50 Cent in any of his videos. Now most people would like to be in the spotlight. Not her. She wants to be one of the three people in the little spotlight behind the big spotlight. You know the song Midnight Train to Georgia by Gladys Knight? Well, Gladys would sing the line leavin’ on the midnight train, and behind her the Pips would sing woo woo! Maria would be behind them pulling an imaginary train whistle. And she demonstrated it for us. I must admit she was pretty good. And at some point, somehow, for some reason, she thrust her boobs toward Liz, who doesn’t swing that way (despite the fact that the name Liz Bommarito could easily turn into the nickname Lizbo. NOTE- if that name sticks, I am so dead.) Liz then commented something about her boobs being bigger than Maria’s, and me, sitting a few scant inches away from Liz and just a couple of feet from Argano’s thrust, came to a couple, or should I say pair, of conclusions that I will not share here. Suffice it to say that we didn’t mark many exams that day.

Janice fell in love with Liz’s stapler, I was often found in conversation with a Happy Meal toy, and Jane struggled to prove that she did not have a sheltered life by cursing more than she usually does, which was none.

To my credit I did not flip out this time, which was the highlight of the January week when I screamed at Maria. This week I sang, a lot, to Liz’s iTunes. It was all so surreal, especially when the Italian songs came on. Other than Lazy Mary by Lou Monte I was stumped.

GRADUATION  

Yafo again asked me to lunch. Since she graduated it is no longer unethical for me to go to lunch with her, just creepy.

For some of you this will be the first time you hear this but it is very very true. Debbie Y was there (Don’t know her? Don’t worry. Know a middle aged woman from Bensonhurst? That’s her.) She wore a t-shirt to help set up but wanted to change her top for the ceremony. The bathroom was too far away for her so she decided that she’d change her top in a little dark alcove off to the left of the screen. I assumed she’d walk a bit down the short stairs and into the darkness, away from the door. I was wrong. She stood six inches into the doorway and in full view of a half-dozen kids, and even worse, me, took off her top, stood there in her bra, and changed tops.

Here’s a comparison. On the way home (on “the party bus”) we drove through Times Square and saw the Naked Cowgirl. Or more accurately, the Nearly Naked but for a Thong and Bra Elderly Cowwoman. I will not describe how she looked because I already feel the bile rising in my throat. Debbie Y did not make me vomit, but she did make me want to look away fast.

I sang more songs on the bus. If Liz and I ever start a Sonny and Cher act we will get Maria to back us up.

RANDOM  

I inadvertently aided and abetted a theft and then stole back the stolen goods.

AToRloff showed up wherever there was free food.

Janice turned out to be as bad as we are, and I’m sorry for her.

We bought Jane flowers and she vanished without a trace two seconds before we were to give them to her.

I cleaned my car about a week and a half ago specifically because I was going to give Liz a lift and then had to keep it clean for days until she actually got in it.

I said goodbye to various people and got hugs from people I knew and well wishes from friends, and a big warm “OK” from Kathy, that old softy.

Summer did not come fast enough.