Tag Archives: reality TV

So what wouldn’t I watch? Crapreality TV.

1 Oct

October 1, 2010

Since nothing much happened this week, except that for once the show focused on building bikes, there will be no rundown this week. (I’m taking the weekly out of weekly this week.) But don’t worry, I’ll be back next week with a jumbo recap of the season finale for all you American Chopper fans. And also with an apology for the vast majority of the rest of you for the last six weeks of recaps.

With all the attention I gave to American Choppers and Scrappers, not to mention The Apprentice and Hell’s Kitchen, you might wonder what else Mr. Blog watches. I watch a lot of good stuff, like Law and Order: SVU, House, and Criminal Minds, but they just aren’t funny to write about, and shows like The Middle and Modern Family are already funny and don’t need me to mine them for laughs.

But there are a ton of cable networks out there, way too many to watch, and honestly most of them are not worth watching. So here I present Mr. Blog’s list of shows too crappy for even him. These are actual descriptions taken straight from each show’s official site. But beware! One show is totally bogus and made up. See if you can guess which one.

Billy The Exterminator
In this funny family docusoap about the zaniest pest removal company on the planet, we join Billy Bretherton and his family members as they are called to take care of Louisiana’s worst pest problems.

Ma’s Roadhouse
Rick Fairless is the owner of Strokers Dallas, a Texas motorcycle shop, tattoo parlor and biker bar. His greatest asset is his 71-year-old mother, who’s also his best, but most outspoken, employee. Can Rick keep his business afloat? And can Ma keep her hands off the bartender?

 It Only Hurts When I Laugh
Watch hilarious clips of people caught in the craziest predicaments. It’s a half hour of the zaniest stunts and dumbest situations ever caught on tape.

Air Traffic Antics
Millions of people rely on airlines to get them where they are going, but to the airline workers who put in long hours, the job can be a bore. Meet the crew of WXOP 1480AM, the official low-power information radio station of LaGuardia Airport. Not just content to deliver ETA’s and self-parking updates, this team tries to add a bit of zany morning zoo and shock jock antics to the air! Watch as the FAA meets the FCC and you’ll LOL!

All Worked Up
This series goes on the job with people whose work entails delivering bad news or dealing with difficult situations where the recipient may explode in a rage. Whether it is serving subpoenas, parking violations, or towing cars, there is never a dull moment in this half-hour of non-stop action.

Bait Car
A criminal walks past an empty car with its engine running. He looks around, but sees no owner. So he steals the vehicle. Unfortunately for him, the police are watching his every move with a hidden video camera they installed on the dashboard. The officers press a button and shut down the automobile and the thief is led away in handcuffs. He’s been snared with a Bait Car.

Operation Repo
From luxury boats and planes to expensive sports cars and tricked-out trucks, if you can’t make your payments, the Operation Repo team will find you! When it comes to recovering property from deadbeat owners, Lou, Sonia, Matt, Froy and Lyndah will stop at nothing to get the job done.

OK, I have to admit that this last one is real. Here is the opening, which seems to be trying to scare the viewer away from the TV set. (Maybe they need to repo it?)

See how many times they used “zany”? Notice that these are all cheap-o reality shows? Network TV has moved away from reality this season, with more scripted shows debuting, but cable TV will always be the home of lousy television.

So let me know which one you think is the fake. You have to admit, the fake sounds just as plausible as the real ones, sad to say.

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Mr. Blog Meets The Scrappers (part one)

1 Sep

September 1, 2010

If you live in the southern part of Brooklyn you probably know the 18th Avenue Feast. Every year the neighborhood gathers together to celebrate Santa Rosalia and buy bootleg CD’s.

I’ve been there too many times to mention and it has gotten a bit boring. Same dunk the clown booth year after year, same bad music by “local artists” who never heard of Bensonhurst, same 14 year old girls trying to look like Snooki. But this year was different.

This year, some true “local artists” had set up a booth to meet their fans.

I’m not referring to The Hong Kong Master Tailor or The ROTNAC, I mean the true local artists, the hard-working heroes, those Spike Television sensations, yes! The Scrappers.

The Scrappers had set up a tent right in the middle of the feast. And like you would expect, it looked like crap. It was a double-wide dirty white tent with the sides rolled up. I’m sure they salvaged it from some carnival they were scrapping. The only sign to tell you what was in it was a small, loose-leaf paper-sized  sign spray painted with “Scrappers at the 18th Avenue Feast!”

In front of the tent was a long folding table filled with piles of cheap t-shirts. Cheap as in quality, not price. I don’t know how much they were because they had no signs anywhere and I was not about to ask.

So why didn’t I ask? You’d expect me to have something to say to these guys, right? Well wrong, not these guys. Despite a small portable DVD on the corner of the table showing the last episode of Scrappers, these guys were not the Scrappers. Oh, I’m sure they were some scrappers, little “s,” but not the Scrappers, big “S.” They must have sold some old gas pipes or something at one time, but these guys never had a TV show. They looked a whole lot more like the guys the Rolling Stones hired for security at Altamont. They were milling around, scowling, and punching each other.  If these guys decided to call themselves Scrappers and sell some shirts, I sure as hell wasn’t going to stop them. But I was sure that if I asked how much the shirts cost A- I would be forced to buy one and B- my wallet would be a whole lot lighter. (“Hey, what do you mean $20 is too expensive? Now you’re buying two for $50.”)

For all the world, it looked like some random goombas decided to throw together a tent and sell rip-off t-shirts.

To be fair, despite there being seven guys who were totally not Scrappers, there was actually one real Scrapper there. While everyone else was walking around and swearing, eating slices of pizza, showing off bad tattoos, and generally being obnoxious, Frank Noots himself was sitting in the center of the tent drinking one beer while a guy handed him another. Staring off into space, he looked almost, but not quite, totally wasted.  Too bad that wasn’t really a Picasso he found on the show this week.

One would almost swear that the roadie-looking thugs had kidnapped and drugged him just so they could claim they were a real Scrapper booth. (“One” would, but not me, because those guys looked dangerous.)

Nowhere was the Spike TV logo anywhere present, nor a single Spike camera, not even a Dino or Mimmo, lucky for them. I hope that means there won’t be a season two. That way Dino and Mimmo can go back to kidnapping old women. (Missed this week’s show? Shame on you.)

A little perspective:

On the next block, WCBS had set up a tent half the size of the Scrappers and people were lined up six deep to get “Brooklyn’s Own” Joe Causi’s autograph. (And yes, one of them was me.) Not far the other way, Lucy’s Sausage had customers lined up six deep for a sweet sausage and peppers. (And yes, one of them was me.) By contrast, the Scrappers booth had no one in front of it. A few people stood a good twelve feet away and wondered if the scrappers were going to attack them if they crossed the neutral zone. (And yes, one of them was me.)

They had what looked like hundreds of t-shirts on the table and I’d be willing to bet they didn’t sell more than a dozen. Even the people in the booth weren’t wearing them.

They’d have done much better with a bootleg CD.

And I have great ideas for T-shirts.

 

Other products too.

 

As Maury Povitch says,

TUNE IN SOON FOR THE INCREDIBLE UPDATE!!!!

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