Tag Archives: Mr. Blog

They’re Going Off the Rails on a Crazy Train

29 Aug

August 29, 2010

From the Total Irony Department, some North Carolina ghost hunters were killed when the ghost train they were searching for turned out not to be a ghost but a real iron and steel locomotive. In a shocking turn of events, one ghost hunter was himself killed and turned into a ghost.

The Ghost Train, a play by Arnold Ridley, 1925. When will people learn to stop messing with ghost trains?

The incident happened at the intersection of Stupidity Street and Gullible Avenue, where the train tracks run along a trestle high above a river. Twelve amateur sleuths were caught standing in the middle of the tracks listening for the sounds of a ghost train dating back to an accident in 1891, where a group of people standing in the middle of the trestle listening for a train were killed. Somehow, they managed to miss the sounds of the absolutely-not-a-ghost train bearing down on them.

One man was killed, two people were seriously injured, and the other nine deserve some serious slaps to the back of their heads and a chorus of “what the fuck were you thinking?”

 Local officials claim that the wannabe Scooby Gang never saw Stand By Me.

In other news….

Wyclef Releases Protest Song

Wyclef  is using music to voice his feelings over the recent ruling that he is ineligible to run for president of Haiti.  The former Fugees rapper has released a song in Creole called “Prizon Pou K.E.P.A.,” which means “Prison for the Electoral Council” in English. Clef announced the release of his song on Twitter Wednesday night by saying, quote, “We want equal rights and justice!”  The song can be heard at Jean’s blog, WyclefJean.wordpress.com.  Last Friday it was announced that Wyclef didn’t meet Haiti’s residency requirements and was ineligible to run in the November 28th election.  Earlier this week it was reported that he will not be able to appeal the decision.

Glad he’s writing songs we can all relate to, because I can’t be President of Haiti either. Who needs protest songs about civil rights? This one will catch all of our hearts. And in Creole! The man is a genius. Sheesh.

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American Chopper Sr. vs. Jr.: “Because He’s My Butler!”

27 Aug
August 27, 2010

Thanks to JRD Skinner of skinner.fm::blog of fiction for the new and improved banner! You rock! For all  poor graphics in this blog, blame me.

Watching TLC’s American Chopper is getting to be like watching those creepy toddler beauty pageants. The people seem to be having fun, but you wonder how much they are being pushed behind the scenes.

Case in point: This week, Mikey Teutul decided that he needed an assistant. You can almost feel the heavy hand of the TLC producers. “We’ve got a pretty dramatic episode this week. Sr. and Jr. are going to court, Jr. can’t find a customer, we’ve got to lighten it up. I know! Mikey is comic relief, how about if he hires an assistant? Comedy gold! The guy only moves about three feet a week.”

(Before you accuse me of being paranoid- because of course reality television is reality, man! It’s real!- go back and rewatch this week’s show. In the OCC shop, shaved ape Jason, who has the IQ of only one of his sneakers, put on Paulie’s old hat and sunglasses and paraded in front of Sr. doing an actually pretty good Jr. impression. He’s lucky Sr. didn’t put his head in a vice, Three Stooges style. Senior turned to the camera and asked “did you guys put him up to this?” So don’t tell me this show doesn’t have backstage shenanigans going on.

And while I’m at it, who the Hell are all these guys putting Jr. down all of a sudden? None of them where there when the company was being built and they operated out of the back of the steel shop. These guys are all bandwagon jumpers and should shut up. Say what you want about Paulie, but Jason is a total jerk and bald-headed Mike did nothing to build the business.)

Anyway, back to topic, Mikey, who can best be charitably described as America’s Onslow, hired an assistant. To assist what? I don’t know. Buying Cheetos, maybe.

There seemed to be just one guy who answered the ad to be his assistant. Or that’s how TLC edited it. In reality (ohh, there’s that word again) I’m sure there would be hundreds of people lining up to be on American Chopper, but TLC picked, er, Mikey picked, some guy who looks like an overgrown garden gnome and who I’m sure majored in Elvin lore and pot.

This is like a stone getting a slug as an assistant. Sure, it is an improvement, but not much. He’d do much better with Christopher Hewett.

 

MISTER BELEVEDERE’S DUTIES AS MIKEY’S BUTLER

  • Dust Mikey
  • Comb stuff out of Mikey’s beard
  • Tell Mikey how good his kindergarten-style artwork is
  • Laugh at Mikey’s “jokes”
  • Wander over to Paulie, ask him what’s up, go home.
  • Keep Wesley out of the kitchen

Let’s face it, the person who really needs an assistant is this guy:

Has OCC finished the TARDIS bike yet?

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