Tag Archives: Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride

This Is The Future, Right?

11 Nov

from May 12, 2007

This is the future, right? I mean, when we were little kids, the 21st century was it. IT. Flying cars, robots, atomic supermen, that sort of thing. Criswell said it best- “We are all interested in the future, for that is where we shall spend the rest of our lives.” And damn if he wasn’t right, ’cause I haven’t managed yet to live in the past, at least not for real.

I was reading an old Ray Bradbury story that was set in the far-off future year of 1978, and I hate to complain and pick on such a “legend,” but man, was he wrong. I’m sorry Mr. Sci-Fi Legend Guy, but I’m not living on a Mars colony. And my “atomic-powered short-wave radio” doesn’t exist. So what’s the deal?

I’m very well-read and I’ve seen tons of movies. I know what I’m talking about. I want my ray gun! I want my personal robot! I want my own jet pack, flying car, and combination space radio-slash-TV! My hat is supposed to protect me from atomic fallout and my food is supposed to be in pill form. I should commute to work by rocket and my personal computer should be about the size of my bedroom and have the computing power of thirteen abacuses.

But I know that old movies and TV shows can be somewhat unreliable when it comes to showing things as they are. You just have to be selective. For example, I don’t really take The Jetsons seriously. How can you? It is so phony. I think that show has the worst special effects I have ever seen. That car folding into a briefcase? I can see the CGI. And the actors? I don’t know who played George Jetson but he was so weird looking! He had a head that was about as big as his torso. I’ve tried reading the credits, but they don’t tell you who played any of the Jetsons. It may be for their safety- can you imagine how many stalkers Judy Jetson had? I must have written her thirty or forty letters when I was a kid and she never wrote back. I was so stupid back then- it took me until I was 23 to realize that she lives in the future! She hasn’t gotten the letters yet!

Movies do a little better job. I like Abbott and Costello Go to Mars. These two goofy delivery guys get mixed up for scientists and, somehow, end up piloting a ship to Mars, with two bumbling crooks along for the ride. Now it may sound silly, but the film has a rather complex inner-logic and the use of soft-focus cinematography is particularly effective, especially in the sublimely genius sequence when Costello is blasting people with his freeze ray. If any film could be held up as proof of the auteur theory of filmmaking, this is certainly it. Subtle in its satire and carefully nuanced in the use of pre-Marxist Soviet propaganda, my only problem is that how can these be the same guys who played janitors who met Frankenstein and Dracula in a previous film? That part I could never figure out- when did they change careers from janitors to delivery men?

At any rate, that future was clear- men would travel to Mars and meet a race of giant dogs, as well as mechanizing the Statue of Liberty so it can duck when a rocket flies too close overhead. We would all have freeze rays and we would wear spiffy space suits. I want my spiffy space suit!

So far the future is not all it was cracked up to be. I blame Congress. They keep holding up all those laws I want them to enact. Just last month I sent Congress my Bill For The Construction Of Lunar Radium Mines. And what did they do? Sent an FBI guy with a search warrant to my house. It’s like they don’t appreciate all my help.

I sent Congress my ideas for a Rocket-Man Brigade to protect us from Interstellar Plutonian Ice Hounds and all they did was pass some sort of dopey Iraq troop-funding bill.

So as I get older I’m resigning myself to the fact that maybe I won’t be getting that robot any time soon. I may not live on the moon or have a Martian space-dog as my pet, but at least I have my fifth-grade imagination. And maybe I don’t have a jet pack or own a space-yacht, but I know that I will someday. Flash Gordon said so!

Co-Workers and Other Annoyances

11 Nov

from May 11, 2007

So the workday ended and I, having nothing better to do, was just sitting in the office with no intention of doing anything other than just sitting there. In the past I never would done this, for several reasons:

A- The office was full of annoying students.

B- The office was full of annoying co-workers.

C- I had no time to just hang out.

D- I had time to just hang out, so I went home and hung out there with the DVDs that love me.

Now, that’s not to say that I never hung out in the office. This is true of my whole working life- if I was ever found at work when I didn’t have to be and wasn’t doing anything, 90% of the time I was there for a very specific reason: I was trying to make it look like I was just casually hanging around when I was really hoping to run into someone. Usually a girl who had no interest in me.

Well, the last few years have been a little different. For one thing, I’ve realized that girls who have no interest in me probably won’t like me any more if I hang around hoping to run into them. For another thing, I’ve had no time to just kill time. I’ve been very busy after work so I couldn’t sit there and do nothing.

Things have changed again so I do now find myself with some time on my hands after work. It has really been a surreal experience sitting in the office and knowing that while I have nothing to do there, I also have no reason to leave.

Today was one of those days.

So what makes a workplace? I’ve always maintained that any job, no matter how repulsive, can be made bearable or even enjoyable with the right people. I’ve unloaded trucks for a living and swept up garbage, but I liked the people I worked with so it wasn’t too bad. I imagine even people who work in sewage treatment plants, with raw, untreated fecal matter up to their knees, find it a little easier to go to work if they like the people they work with.

SEWER WORKER A: “Ugh! I’ve got shit in my boots again! Damn!”

SEWER WORKER B: “Look! There’s Norm!”

SEWER WORKER A: “Norm!”

NORM: “Hey guys, what’s up?”

SEWER WORKER B: “He’s got shit in his boots again.”

NORM: “I can hose them out for you.”

SEWER WORKER A: “Thanks Norm. You rock!”

NORM: “I brought donuts today. There’s a dozen in the break room.”

SEWER WORKER A: “Ah, forget about my boots. I love working with this guy!”

SEWER WORKER B: “How come he gets a name and we don’t?”

I don’t work in a sewer, I work in a high school. Clearly, there are many similarities.

So co-workers can make or break a job. While it is very tempting, very very tempting, to name some names here, I’ll for once exercise some good judgment and refrain. However, you know who you are.

Certain people in my own department fall into the nebulous category of people I have nothing to do with. This is a very encompassing category. It includes those whom I just never run into, as well as those I avoid. So it isn’t necessarily bad to be in this category. In fact, there are really only a few people in my whole building that I actively avoid. And if you knew them you’d avoid them too.

Then there are the people I am coming to seriously dislike. For various reasons, certain people have been reassessed. I’ve had it with them/her/him. He/she/they are nearly dead to me.

Most of the people are just there. Nice enough, talk to them in the hall, not really friends, but nice enough to work with.

Others aren’t there. They pass in the hall and they don’t look at you, and you don’t look at them. They are shades.

There are a few people I do enjoy running into, though I don’t necessarily go out of my way to see them. There is actually a big number of these people.

I even have a couple of people I consider friends.

I’ve worked with some excellent people. Sadly, they all had the good sense to leave LHS. I’ve also worked with some excruciatingly bad people who had the unfortunate good sense to leave LHS. I have cared a lot about some of the people I worked with and not given a crap about a lot of the people I’ve worked with.

Personally, I don’t particularly fall into any of these categories. I tend to do my thing and leave, usually being at least marginally polite along the way.

But there are certain people who just seem to go out of their way to be obnoxious, like they really want you to dislike them. If I alienate someone I do it on purpose. If I am annoying, obnoxious, or unlikable, or if I’m just not friendly, at least credit me with knowing that I am annoying, obnoxious, unlikable, and unfriendly, and know that I am doing it on purpose to spare myself the misery of spending time with you. It is the people who don’t know they are doing it that you have to really hate.

This is why I love House. That guy acts the way I want to act at work.

But co-workers are a real drag, most of them. I’m sure you can name a few people you’d fire in a shot if you were the boss.

Never make the mistake of confusing “co-workers” with “friends”. Co-workers can be great fun, distractions from what you are supposed to be doing. In between classes or over lunch, your co-workers could be the best people to be with. But what you find funny or endearing quickly becomes annoying or disgusting when you spend hours with them after work. Small doses of some people are just what the doctor ordered, but like some medicines, large doses can kill you. Co-workers are “work friends,” not the same species but the same genus.

There are exceptions. There always are. I’ve had and have work-friends who are also friend-friends. But it doesn’t always stay that way. I have a former co-worker, a work-friend, and a supposed friend-friend, who has been snubbing me for going on two and a half months.

I’m not the best friend in the world either, but I usually return multiple phone calls, text messages, and emails, but hey, that’s just me. I’m silly that way.

I’ve tended to be a show up, do my job, go home kind of guy. It’s worked well for me, mostly. But sometimes I make the effort and go the extra mile, to use two clichés, and try to get a little closer to the people I work with. Usually, it isn’t worth it.

So what did I expect, as I sat in the office today? Frankly, nothing. I was sitting there and just hanging for the sake of having nothing better to do. Had a couple of kids come in, or some particularly bothersome co-worker, I’d have been out of there in a flash.

And for the record, when I did get up and go home, I watched Judge Judy and took a nap.

So I guess co-workers a mixed bag. Just like any other people you’re likely to meet- some good, some bad, some you’ll like, some you won’t. The trick in dealing with co-workers, or anybody, really, is this old quote: “The most important thing is sincerity. If you can fake that you’ve got it made.”

So there you go.