Tag Archives: money

I’m not cheap. I just want what I pay for.

26 Sep

September 26, 2013

Remember back in the 1950’s when you pull your car into a gas station? Four or five guys in white uniforms would storm your car. One would fill up your tank, one would check your oil, another would put air in your tires, and one would wipe your windows whether they were clean or not. The gas would cost you 95 cents, you’d tip them a nickel, (and they’d thank you for it!) and you’d drive away, the whole thing costing you a buck.

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OK, I don’t remember that either (how old do you think I am?) but I’ve seen it in old movies. And we’ve all been in gas stations today. You drive up to the pump, get out, walk to the cashier, which is in the middle of a huge convenience store, wait in line, pay about $45 to fill your tank (if you’re lucky), walk back to the pump, fill your car and, if there happens to be one laying around, use the squeegee to clean your window. Then you leave, smelling of gas, your shirt wet from the window washer fluid. And don’t even think of having someone pump your gas. Even if you can find a non-self-service station, who wants to pay the extra money they charge? I’m not cheap but gas is already around $4 a gallon, who needs to add even more to the strain on the wallet?

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And that brings me to my point.

When I go shopping, I want what I pay for.

For example, take grocery shopping. When you go to the checkout lines to pay, you have your choice of express lanes where you bag your own stuff. I usually choose those because I am pretty sure I won’t pack my bread and eggs below my canned vegetables and bottles of soda. (Seriously cashiers, I know you don’t like you jobs, but jeez, stop breaking my eggs and crushing my bread.)

But here’s the problem- part of the money I spend in the store goes to pay the cashier, whose job it is to bag my groceries. If I have to do their job and bag my own, I want a rebate.

I just want what I pay for.

Fast food places are the same thing. They don’t fill your soda, they hand you a cup and tell you to fill it yourself. But at last here, I can make up the difference in refills. (Which brings up another point- who would spend more money for a large drink? Buy a small and refill it. For restaurants, soda is nearly all profit, why put another cent in the Burger King’s velvet change purse?)

However, 7-11 is ok. The whole place is based on the serve yourself concept, but I know that going in. And really, do I want the weird guy behind the counter at 3am microwaving my burrito? No thanks, I’ll handle my own burrito.

I’m not cheap. I just want what I pay for.

Allan Keyes: Fail Counterfeits!

29 Apr

April 29, 2013

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I was just wandering around the web the other day, and I was looking at old Mad Magazine archives – you know, back when Mad was actually funny and a legit part of the counter culture, as opposed to what it is now, a straight establishment hack factory that deserves to be put out of its’ misery. Dave Berg (“The Lighter Side”) and Mort Drucker were giants without compare.  Remember 43 Man Squamish http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/43-Man_Squamish  and Three Cornered Pitney? Yeah. Good times. Once Melvin and Jenkins debuted it was all downhill – but that’s a rant for another day. And believe me, rant I will. Anyway, while checking this stuff out, I came across this from the old Mad board game (which I used to have and am bidding on furiously on Ebay for a set now):

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Well, one thing led to another and I found myself looking at some sad examples of funny money. Laugh along with me at some of these sad counterfeits!

THE LAZY:

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This one is just lazy. I mean common, did anyone REALLY expect this piece of idiocy to actually pass???  I’d actually give more respect to someone who just Xeroxed a dollar bill and tried to pass it to a colorblind guy. Heck, I’d actually respect this one better, at least they tried.

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THE ODD:

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These were actually passed at some Target stores in the Midwest. That the cashiers either didn’t know or care better, makes me weep.  I personally think they believed the bills were legit. But common! I mean NINE Dollars? What a fricking idiot number.  Hey, if you’re going to plaster this guy on a bill, I’d think this one was better:

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But that’s just me. For those of you with a different worldview, here’s an equally stupid one with another President:

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Not sure why $200 dollars, but hey, there you go.

Actually, given the direction of things nowadays, this one is most appropriate:

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NOT COUNTERFEIT BUT AWESOME:

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I think KISS actually sucks donkey dong (But Mr. Keyes, why don’t you tell us what you really think!) but I applaud the creativity for this one.

This one made me LOL:

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I actually altered a bill to base off some the characters from Call of Duty, but that attracted “attention” from the ATF.

 And to finish things off, here’s my attempt, as bad as you’d expect:

 rrr

Obviously acceptable in all the finest burger joints across the land.