from June 21, 2007
Movers and Shakers. Yes! Power people! They get things done!!!!!! (And use lots of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Losers and Fakers. The dregs and drags. Bums who never ever use exclamation points in a sincere manner. Why? Because they’re fakers!
Well, the world can be divided into two categories.*
Firstly we have the movers and shakers. These are the men (and/or women) with whom you’d love to be trapped on an island with because:
A- They’d get you rescued
and
B- Some women look really hot in a business suit. **
Then there are the losers and fakers. If you had the misfortune to first be trapped on an island, and then discover that you were stuck with, on said island, this group of slackers, then your only hope would be that the cannibals over on the next island get all fat and lazy on the others so you can steal one of their boats and get the hell out of there, because being stuck the losers and fakers means that island is your new home.
Famous Movers and Shakers:
George Washington
Genghis Khan
James T. Kirk
Famous Losers and Fakers:
Kato Kaelin
Jeff Spicoli
Gilligan
So ask yourself this: If you were trapped on an island, would you rather be stuck with Gilligan or Genghis Khan?
Before you answer, check this out:
Gilligan, from Wikipedia: The majority of episodes involved some failed attempt to get off the deserted island.
Gengis Khan, from Wikipedia: Genghis Khan is an iconic and beloved figure in Mongolia, where he is seen as the father of the Mongol Nation. On the other hand, he was responsible for the violent death of more people than any other individual before the 20th century. In many areas of southwestern Asia and Europe, he is still seen as a ruthless and bloodthirsty conquerer
I’d take my chances with Genghis.***
So what does this have to do with anything? Well, like most of what I write, not much, but I have to write something and if I wrote what I really wanted to write then Bonnie would be mad at me.
(By the way, if you haven’t yet read any of the footnotes, go ahead and do it now. I’ll wait.)
But somehow the losers manage to survive. Despite the fact that Genghis would probably whip up the locals into an army and conquer the surrounding islands, wouldn’t you rather be stuck with Gilligan? Because the odds are pretty good that, eventually, Genghis would kill you. The worst thing Gilligan will do is maybe drink the Professor’s cocoanut colada.
Losers serve society in at least one important way. They make us feel good about ourselves. For example, take the LHS Social Studies department. Case closed.
Fakers can also be cool.**** OK, George Costanza himself may not be cool, but wouldn’t it be cool to pretend you were an architect? Or even pretend to be a viable Presidential candidate, like John Edwards does?
But I guess the fakers are just more creative. Movers and shakers may get all the wealth and perks, but how many of them know how it feels to construct a web of lies and live in terror that you may forget who you told what lie and your whole house of deceit is just one mistake away from collapsing? Welcome to my life, Bill Gates!
*Or more.
**Before you call me sexist, I admit it ladies- I am sexist. So since we are agreed on that point don’t get all pms-y over this.
***This reminds me of a funny story. Back in junior high I had a history teacher who was so fat he would actually use his stomach as a globe. He’d point out a spot on his chest to represent, say, Outer Mongolia, and rotate himself so that his back was facing us and he’d use a pointer to pick out a spot on his back representing, say, Peru. That was the year that I realized that I never want to be a teacher.
****My favorite faker has to be the Fonz. No way he scored with all of those chicks. The guy would have been on a constant penicillin IV because of all the STDs he’d pick up. He was all BS in a leather jacket, albeit a cool leather jacket.
Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride 
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