Tag Archives: Commissioner Gordon

Secret Origin of a Super Hero

29 Aug

August 31, 2011

Do you think Batman just woke up one day and decided to be Batman? No, it took years of training in various martial arts, years of acquiring the mental and deductive skills of master detectives, years of gaining the technology and physical prowess to perform at the peak of human ability. And also the horrible murder of his parents.

However, Bruce Wayne wasn’t the only one to wear the cape and cowl. At various times he was replaced by Jean-Paul Valley, by Dick Grayson (twice), and even Alfred.

Chief O'Hara is skeptical that this arthritic old man could defeat the Bookworm.

And then there is Mark Wayne Williams (no relation to Bruce Wayne, I suspect.)

This paunchy potential protector of the public was found hanging- yes, hanging- off the wall of a Detroit business. He had apparently hooked his Batrope on the roof and was, well, details are sketchy on what he was doing there. Perhaps he was on patrol. And although there is no indication, I like to think that he was hanging upside-down like a bat.

I feel very sorry for the police who had to hoist him back up to the roof because he was really weighed down, and I’m not just talking about his gut. According to other reports, he was carrying a virtual arsenal in his utility belt, which had better have been reinforced.


Something tells me that “Batman” is in for a long stay at Arkham Asylum.

Mark Wayne Williams seems to really live the superhero lifestyle. Unfortunately, his not-so-secret identity is known to the police. Here he is posing at the police station for, he probably believes, his public commendation from Commissioner Gordon.


Given that Mark Wayne Williams is no Bruce Wayne, and that Detroit is certainly no Gotham City, I have to figure that every city gets the crime fighter it deserves. However, I have to wonder about his dedication to the Bat.


The Crow? Sheesh, just let me know when he starts dressing like Wonder Woman and runs down the street with his arms spread wide pretending to be in his invisible jet.

SECRET ORIGIN OF A SUPER-VILLAIN UPDATE!

Remember Johnathan T. Pinney, AKA Doctor Mayhem, the convict who wanted his own island, access to the world’s technology, and a secret volcanic lair? It seems that he is now looking for love. He wants that special woman with whom to share dominion over the planet. Or any other planet.

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The Infamous Case of The Joker’s Boner

28 Dec

December 28, 2010

Wonder Woman, Lois Lane. Jimmy Olsen. As we’ve seen, Superman has a pretty diverse circle of friends. One is an Amazonian princess who rides a skateboard. Another is a woman who locks her head in a safe, and the third is some sort of hybrid monkey boy.

Next up is the world-famous crime-fighter, Batman. Oh, in this era he wasn’t exactly the  Dark Knight we all know now. Back in the 1940’s and 50’s Batman tended to be a bit, um goofy. And possibly a repressed homosexual. In the panels reprinted below, the Joker, upset that Gotham City laughed at his boner, decides to get Batman to pull his own boner and thus, well, maybe you should just read for yourself.

This story exists on the net mostly as single panels. A few are missing, mostly ones that don’t use the word “boner.” I’ve put them together as best I can. So here we go, back to the glory days of comic books, where every kid dreamed of reading about a big boner.

And there you go. The Joker pulled his boner, Batman pulled his boner, I bet even Robin went off and pulled his boner somewhere off panel, probably while looking at that volume of “Great Boners of All Time” Bruce Wayne keeps in his library. God only knows what Aunt Harriet thought when she saw that one!

But the fun isn’t over yet. Here is an absolutely real Batman water gun. Note the plug and the trigger.

Here is something else I found on the net. I’d give credit where credit is due but I have no idea who made this. Good thing that Batman didn’t have this problem in that Joker caper!

And lastly, not Bat-related but still funny, from the good people at Wrestlecrap:

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