Tag Archives: Charlie Sheen

March News Roundup- British Edition

9 Mar

March 9, 2011

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STUPID NEWS PLAGUES FOREIGN COUNTRY

Mr. Blog to Mock Headlines Worldwide

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Can there be any story more quintessentially British? If only the butler’s name was Jeeves it would be perfect. Smithers works too.

It is heartening to know that no matter how bad the world’s economy gets we can always count on the classic British Upper Class Twit.

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That is a real letter to the editor and as proof that I am a product of the New York City educational system I had to read it twice, and then I still didn’t understand the headline. My inner Beavis was still giggling at “lapwing.”
 
How utterly genteel and sophisticated. Over here I rarely see letters to the editor without an “asshat” or two. 
The lapwing… The lapwing.

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You know why this doesn’t happen more over here? We have guns.
“Hey you! I saw you steal the American equivalent of 845 pounds! I’m taking you to the police station!
“Say hello to my little friend!”

What I really don’t understand is how the thief was let off with a caution. Judge Judy would have beheaded him. I also don’t understand all those wigs they wear in court. What’s up with that?

Can you name this famous Brit?___________________________________________________________________________________________

What British newspaper would be complete without a Page Three girl? Not this one.
Here’s Geri Halliwell. ___________________________________________________________________________________________

And finally, just when you begin to think that the British are a sophisticated and subtle lot, there’s this:

As the Queen would say “We are not amused.”

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Wifeswap: New York Yankees Edition

5 Mar

March 5, 2011

“Holy Cow, look at that!” That’s Phil Rizzuto, beloved, befuddled Yankees announcer and as usual he’s talking about anything except baseball. For decades he perfected his senile old man act on Yankees telecasts where he’d talk about his golf game, his grandkids, anything but the game. I actually heard him once say “I’ll get back to my story after this pitch.” Bill White deserves to be in the Hall of Fame simply for managing to get in a halfway decent broadcast while sitting next to Rizzuto. My favorite Phil Rizzuto story is one he once told himself. He somehow found an old gift certificate for a free suit he was given for being a guest on a sports show. It was at least twenty years old. Phil Rizzuto, former baseball player, Yankee icon, Hall of Famer, decided that he would go to the store and see if they would still honor the certificate and get a free suit. The decades old certificate. There is no way Phil Rizzuto was so hard up for a suit that he would stoop to that. He had plenty of money, but he went to the store anyway, and simply because he was Hall of Famer Phil Rizzuto, with a national platform to plug the store, they gave him a free suit. Joe Schmoe from Parsippany would get thrown out on his ass but they gave that second rate Yogi Berra a suit. And here’s the kicker- he never even offered to pay for it!

But the purpose of this blog is not to mock Phil Rizzuto, I can do that any time. Read this:

Rule Number One: If Ben Affleck is attached to a movie, it is a bad idea.
Rule Number Two:  Don’t need it, Rule One is enough for me.

Man, those swinging days of the 1970’s- key parties, sleeping around, no AIDS (plenty of gonorrhea and syphilis, not to mention crabs, but no AIDS). And where was I? Way too young for any of that.  And when I got old enough no one was interested.

This may have been a huge scandal in the Seventies, but today? Two words: Reality show.
This is the era of Charlie Sheen. A couple of guys swapping wives forty years ago? Yawn.

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