Tag Archives: Apple

Stupid Watch To Make Life Worth Living (An Allan Keyes Tech Review)

9 Sep

September 9, 2013

keyes1.jpg

Hot tech news – the Smart Watch is upon us!!!

http://www.cnbc.com/id/101002543

“Samsung seeks ‘iPod moment’ with smartwatch launch”

Not quite an IPod moment is on tap…..more like an Apple Newton moment. In case you didn’t know, the Newton was one of Apple’s biggest flops.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newton_(platform)

This is an alleged image of the soon to be unveiled watch:

          new one             

HAHAHAHAHA…..fail.  I looks like those binders Luke put on Chewbacca when they wanted to infiltrate the Death Star:

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When it comes to this watch, I’m not even going to bust out the Dick Tracy references, I’ll leave that to others.  But can you imagine – there’s always that one guy who just HAS to be at the cutting edge of all new tech, so you can bank on there being one schmuck who’ll be running around wearing both Google Glasses and this stupid watch at the same time. In a related story, there’s always that one guy gets robbed of his tech very early on and endlessly cries about it.

Anyway, back to this watch, which I predict will be such a fail it is pulled off the mass market after 3 months and relegated to Sharper Image catalogues – it has some features which will include some sort of blue tooth ripoff so you can pair it with your smartphone.

Personally, it sounds about as utilitarian as this:

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without the shoephone’s benefit of hiding it’s enduring ugliness where nobody can see it.

Actually, I cracked wise too soon about Sharper Image – they have some fine watches that seem to be great alternatives to this impending piece of failtech Samsung is about to unleash on us. For example:

This watch has Bluetooth and caller id.

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This watch looks futuristic cool

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This watch finds fish…..somehow

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Now once again, for reference, compare those watches…..to this:

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Yeah, I’m running out to buy THAT.

In the meantime, here’s some rare pics of a super secret project that Samsung is working on to capture the NEXT ipod moment. It’s tentatively called the Lobe-Bot  (see what I did there?) 

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  And I’d still wear all of this before I wore that “smart watch”

 

 

 

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The Treasure Chest of Terrible Toys: iPotty

9 Feb

February 9, 2013

ipotty

Great Shades of Satan! (Ah ha!) This falls under the category of educational toys. At least I think it does. This is for either potty training or training to waste time on the potty. Maybe both. Remember yesterday’s imponderable about the guy who broke into a home and twice defecated on the floor? I wonder if he used this.

ip1

I have to admit that when I first saw this, I misread the author’s name as “Simon Crap.” It is an easy mistake to make.

Before you ask (not that I can hear you), the iPad is not included and no, there are no apps to help the kid learn to use the potty. I guess the secret is that the kid will sit there and forget his anxiety about popping by playing Angry Birds or watching funny kitten videos on YouTube. Personally, I wouldn’t mind if the kids surfed over to Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride. Sure, it would be a different demographic but I could really use the clicks. If it took off, I could totally see myself pandering to the pre-K group- lots of articles about Nick Toons, even more poopy jokes, etc.

As far as I can see, all do is A-teach kids to spend more time on the toilet and B- create an iPad that I would not touch without rubber gloves and disinfectant. Little kids are not exactly neat and do not wash their hands. Plus they play with the most disgusting things.

Truth to tell, this isn’t any different than putting the kid on the throne and giving him a book or a magazine to pass the time. That always works for me.

Want more parenting advice? Check out this important warning.

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