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Spike TV’s Scrappers, Week Two

11 Aug

August 11, 2010

“Spike TV’s” Scrappers. Like that’s something to be proud of. That’s the kind of television that made Elvis shoot out his TV set.

Scrappers was on again last night so I threw my TV out the window.

At least I would have if I didn’t think one of those guys would troll by  and pick it up and sell it.

You ever see the vans they drive? I can’t believe they ever passed inspection. Remember the Star Trek episode The Trouble With Tribbles? That one, in addition to being one of the few episodes where Kirk didn’t get any alien babes, was the one where the Klingons and the Enterprise crew got into a brawl. Why? As the Klingon commander put it, “I didn’t say the Enterprise should be hauling garbage,” he said. “I said it should be hauled away as garbage!”, he clarified.  That is the scrap vans, summed up perfectly. If they want to make some money they should first junk their trucks.

But then how would they carry scrap? Who cares? That would end the show, so I’m all for it.

Anyway, as you know if you’ve seen a frame of the show, these jerky junkmen aren’t too smart. Said one (Noots? Was it it Noots? These guys are interchangeably dumb.) “I always wanted to own my own scrap yard.” Yeah, dare to dream, Bababooey. That was the dream of every kindergarten kid who got dropped on his head when he was born. Of course, this guy actually did it- he accomplished his dream! He owned a scrap yard! And he lost it. How hard could it be to run a junkyard? Fred Sanford did it. How pathetic can you be to actually lose your junkyard?  I bet it wasn’t one of those cool junkyards like on TLC’s Junkyard Wars. Those places had rocket engines hidden in the trash.

Noots probably had nothing more than a rusty ’79 Impala.

You may have missed it, because normal people who don’t blog about this stuff have better things to do, but Dino and Mimeograph put out a video to advertise their scrap business. Like the ancient heroes of myth, Dino and Mimeograph defy the Gods to stop them, and the Gods send deadly forces of nature to destroy them.  Check out this video, and watch closely!- as Drippo and Mippo survive “earthqwakes” and “sunamis.”

Am I the only one who noticed that those guys look just like former WWF wrestler The Brooklyn Brawler?

Daddy Dino? Or Pappa Mimmo?

So what happened this week on the show? It may or may not have been the same thing as last week. It is all kind of a headache inducing blur. Here is how TiVo described this week’s episodes:
 
Darren makes a mess while taking a boiler out of a building; a spat with Frankie turns into a slap fight; Sal tows his first car and smashes a Lexus.
 
A web guru puts Dino and Mimmo online; Frankie and Darren find porn; Sal’s patience is tested by a deli freezer and truck-driving lessons for Greg.
 

A slap fight? A sissy boy slap fight? “Frankie and Darren find porn.” I am sooo not going there. Just remember- if the scrap van is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’.

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JetBlue and the Incredible Flight Attendant Getaway

10 Aug

August 10, 2010

“Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time.”
Malcolm Muggeridge

“Hello I must be going”
Groucho Marx

It isn’t hard to make a great entrance. Timing, dress, the right moment. Whole weddings are designed around the bride’s entrance. It’s something we all try- do it right, and people remember.

Of course, it is a bit harder to make a great exit. You want to end on a high note, or leave ’em laughing.

Daffy Duck, famously, made a grand exit, but he could only do it once.

But he had nothing on this guy:

Steve Slater, the JetBlue Hater!

Meet Steve Slater.

JetBlue flight attendant, and winner of the GREATEST EXIT EVER AWARD!

The story begins on Monday at JFK airport, New York. Shockingly, to the surprise of everyone, a flight landed on time. Yes, really!

The plane taxied to the terminal and came to a stop, but the pilot had not yet given the signal for the passengers to get out of their seats. Of course, that never stopped anyone. If you’ve been crammed on a plane for hours on end you take any chance you can get to stretch, especially if you are on the ground and motionless. One passenger stood up and started taking his bag out of the overhead compartment.

Well, that just didn’t sit right with Steward Extraordinaire Steven Slater.

Steven Slater, moments before the fun began

“Sit down please.”

No response.

He came a bit closer “Sir, the pilot hasn’t given the signal, sit down please.”

No response.

“Sir, I -OOOFF!”

At that moment, the passenger wrestled his bag out of the overhead, which came down and hit Slater on the head. The two men got into an argument during which, according to witnesses, the passenger called Slater “a mo-fo.”

Sounds like a great Jerry Springer moment. Seriously, how angry can you be if the best you can come up with is “mo-fo”? Even Michael Richards did better, but we all know what happened to him.

So anyway, just seconds after being called a “mo-fo,” Steven Slater ran to the front of the cabin, and thus begins the GREATEST EXIT EVER!

He picked up the intercom and cursed out all the passengers,
threw open the emergency exit and the inflatable ramp,
grabbed two beers from the galley and slide down the emergency slide,
ran to the employee parking lot, jumped in his car, and sped off.

Allegedly, he yelled “There goes 28 years!” and “yippee!” as he slid.

Now that is a show! No one on that plane will ever forget it!

Police found him at his home, having sex with his boyfriend, where I’m sure another unforgettable exit was in the making.

Whhheeeeeeee!

My thanks to Thomas Stazyk for noting the uncanny resemblance to controller Jacobs from Airplane!

Any many thanks to Jodi Applegate for coining the name “The Jet-Blunatic.” Classic!

While there is no clear video of the incident available, here is Louie CK with an unforgettable aerial exit of his own:

 

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