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Dancing With The Stars 2011

1 Mar

March 1, 2011

NOTE: IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE NEW CAST WITH CHAZ BONO BEGINNING IN SEPTEMBER 2011

CLICK HERE

The new cast has been revealed and once again, you’d be better off looking for stars through a telescope.

Kirstie Alley

Aren’t we tired of her? Aren’t we all tired of her? She’s fat, she’s thin (OK, not so fat)  she’s fat again. Who cares? She’ll be the first contestant to gain weight during the show. Enough already.

MIKE CATHERWOOD

Who? Mike who? He’s some minor radio guy nobody knows. Baba Booey must have turned them down.

PETRA NEMCOVA

She’s a hot model but you may remember her as the hot model who clung to a tree for dear life during a tsunami a few years ago. Oh the horrors of being a supermodel. Of course, this is a very superficial society we live in. This blog is no exception. There is a reason why her picture is so much bigger than Kirstie Alley’s.

RALPH MACCHIO

No, he’s not dead.

CHRIS JERICHO

Yes, the wrestler, and already my favorite competitor. I sincerely hope they give him the mic and let him show his skills because no one cuts a promo like he does. In the WWE the only guy near him in terms of mic skills is The Rock. I can only hope he cuts a promo on those other assclowns and trash bag ho’s.

ROMEO

Mercutio and Tybalt are better dancers, but Romeo was available. If there are no Capulets on the judging panel he should sweep the competition. What? It’s not him? It’s the rapper formerly known as L’il Romeo? Aw man…..

KENDRA WILKENSON

Not a star but some Playboy/reality person or other. Judging from that picture, she knows why she’s on the show. And frankly that’s good enough for me.

CHELSEA KANE

When I first read this I thought it said Chelsea Handler. That would have been fun. I found out she was on the Disney Channel but otherwise I have no idea she this is.

One of those kids is Chelsea Kane. I have no clue which.

HINES WARD

Another NFL guy. They usually do really well on this show. Funny how you never see any place kickers on DWTS.

SUGAR RAY LEONARD

arguably the biggest name on this list. I feel sorry for the judge who dares to say anything bad about him. I hope Bruno has a strong right hook. Of course, if they really want a big name boxer, I dare them to put Mike Tyson on the show.

WENDY WILLIAMS

I am not a fan of her show but I have little to say against her. If she does well she can be a fun contestant. On the other hand she can also be a little hard to take so we’ll see.

 

For previous casts: September 2010, March 2010

The Mel Gibson or Charlie Sheen Game

28 Feb

February 28, 2011

How well do you know your Hollywood lunatics?

Five of these quotes are from crazy Hollywood racist Mel Gibson. The other five are from loony Hollywood maniac Charlie Sheen. Try to identify who said what. Answers are below. No peeking!

A- “I am one tough motherfucker and you can’t bother me anymore. You ask anybody what their number one fear is and it’s public humiliation. Multiply that on a global scale and that’s what I’ve been through. It changes you and makes you one tough motherfucker. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

B- “I’ll apologize when hell freezes over. They can fuck off.”

C- “I’m not fair game. I’m not a soft target. It’s over. There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.”

D- “I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.”

E- “I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro.”

F- “I want to kill him…I want his intestines on a stick… I want to kill his dog.”

G- “I am battle-tested bayonets, bro.”

H- “I own Malibu… I am going to fuck you.”

I- “I am going to come and burn the fucking house down… but you will blow me first.”

J- “It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.”

BONUS QUESTION

Which celebrity designer said this?

“You’re so ugly I can’t bear looking at you. You’re wearing cheap boots, cheap thigh boots. You’ve got no hair, your eyebrows are ugly, you’re ugly, you’re nothing but a whore.”
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ANSWERS
Mel Gibson said A, B, F, H, and I
Charlie Sheen said C, D, E, G,and J
John Galiano is the asshole designer.