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In Search of… Atlantis

17 Aug

August 17, 2011

Atlantis is the fabled sunken city. First described by Plato in 360 BC, it has fascinated scholars and adventurers alike. To this day, its very existence is debated.

Is Atlantis real?

How should I know?

Where was Atlantis?

It all depends on who you ask. Theories abound that place Atlantis anywhere from the Mediterranean to the Atlantic to just off the Florida Coast. However, the theories all agree on one important point. Atlantis is underwater. 

Atlantis has historically been hard to find. Before the age of underwater breathing apparatus, most of the explorers searching for Atlantis got to a depth of about twenty feet before they could hold their breath no longer and had to come up for air. The ancient philosopher Crantor wrote in his texts that “be it in humble surf or raging torrent, Atlantis is farther than I can throw a rock at a seagull. Oh brave seeker, row out a little farther than the end of the jetty.” One thing is for sure- Atlantis is farther out than you could comfortably wade, and most pleasant beaches have long been thoroughly explored, though that fact does nothing to discourage the may Atlantis seekers who get large grants and then spend the summer in the islands “searching for Atlantis” in the sun.

What was Atlantis?

Again, it depends on who you ask. Classical mythology holds that Atlantis was a major naval power that conquered many cities. Other accounts hold that it was a center of arts and philosophy. Still other accounts claim that it was an inter-dimensional alien city. Trust me, what ever it was, it was not that.

Why did it sink?

Theories abound, most of them a little kooky. They range from earthquakes and natural disasters to wrath of god or evil aliens, or, according to Nancy Pelosi, the Tea Party. (In her speech of July 2011, Ms. Pelosi said that “voting for the Republican debt plan is what sunk Atlantis.” New York Times) Most classical accounts claim that it took only a day to sink, which seems a little hasty. On the other hand, look at Pompei.

Who were the people of Atlantis? 

Is there any proof of Atlantis?

Yes.

Are there other sunken cities?

There are legends of many other sunken cities across the globe. Other than Atlantis, the most famous sunken city is R’lyeh. Noted explorer Howard Phillip Lovecraft and famed cartographer August Derleth have different opinions of R’lyeh’s location.

Lovecraft said that R’lyeh is located at 47°9′S 126°43′W in the southern Pacific Ocean. August Derleth later placed R’lyeh at 49°51′S 128°34′W in his own writings. Both locations are close to the Pacific pole of inaccessibility (48°52.6′S 123°23.6′W), the point in the ocean farthest from any land. Derleth’s coordinates place the city approximately 5,100 nautical miles (9,400 km), or about ten days journey for a fast ship, from the real island of Pohnpei (Ponape). Pohnpei also plays a part in the Cthulhu Mythos as the place where the “Ponape Scripture”, a text describing Cthulhu, was found.

It is recommended that sailors avoid R’lyeh as it is the home of the evil god Cthulhu.

The city is a panorama of “vast angles and stone surfaces … too great to belong to anything right and proper for this earth, and impious with horrible images and disturbing hieroglyphs.” The geometry of R’lyeh is “abnormal, non-Euclidean, and loathsomely redolent of spheres and dimensions apart from ours.”

R’lyeh is sometimes referred to in the ritualistic phrase “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn”, which roughly translates to “In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming”.

Do you have any final words about Atlantis?

Yes. Thank you for asking.

You’re welcome.

Either Atlantis is a sunken city rich in gold and ancient artifacts or Plato was full of it. The truth is probably somewhere in between. Assuming Atlantis was real, it was most likely a slum. Leave it alone.

The Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride Wiki

15 Aug

August 15, 2011

(It’s not really a wiki.)

I received an email at the rarely used and even more rarely checked Official Email of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride. I check it when I remember that it exists, which is about once every month to six weeks. That isn’t a problem because in the couple of years since I started it, it has all been, with one exception, junk. (The one exception was a short note from the very funny and good sport Bruce Vilanch, in reference to this post. Yep, I’m a name dropper.) In fact I check it so rarely that I won’t even give the address here in case it motivates someone to use it. But if you insist, click on the “The Author” tab and you’ll find it.

So the other night I looked at the account and found a message from someone calling herself “Internet Goddess.” In a nutshell, she said that she liked the blog (I checked the email, she is a subscriber) but wondered “what is the whole thing about?”

In short, it is “an absurd look at the absurdities of this absurd world.” Catchy, but perhaps not specific enough. So to answer the Internet Goddess, and for all the newer readers, here is a quick rundown of some of the blog’s more popular features. They have no set schedule. Many of them can be found under the tabs on top, which tend to rotate every few months.

The Saturday Comics

Every Saturday I feature a newspaper comic strip which catches my fancy. Generally, but not always, they are long out of print or a still-running old strip. I will occasionally feature something from old comic books, like ads. It is one of my most straight-forward and accessible features. I have also added some older comic book blogs under the banner.

Picture Postcards
These are pictures, about half the time taken by me, of interesting or unusual sights. I am quite proud of a couple of them.

Imponderables
My newest feature. An Imponderable is a funny news story with a ridiculous but unanswerable central question. They tend to be outrageous or inane but always true. After recently finishing an entire week of Imponderables a new one can be found every Friday.

The Late Night Movie House of Crap

This began as a showcase of strange, bizarre, and just plain bad movies but has stretched to include some obscure but fun films.

Mr. Know-It-All
This is the blog’s oldest, angriest, strangest feature. Imagine Doctor Phil with a serious drug addiction, angry at women, usually drunk, and giving the worst, most profane advice to actual letters taken from various advice columns. Dear Abbey on crack does not even come close. I warn you, they are almost all Parental Discretion Advised.

The Tepid Zombie

This is what this blog would look like if it were written after the apocalypse by a zombie. Frankly it isn’t much different but looks much cooler. The zombie used to be an accountant and his lifestyle is still sedentary, but with some brain munching.

TV and Movie Reviews
These are reviews with my own odd spin. I hit reality TV pretty hard. These also freely mix fact and fiction, but underneath them all is usually an actual review. In fact, my Apocalypse Now review is strangely serious and probing.

The American Chopper Weekly Rundown

Immediately after every new episode of American Chopper I provide my summary and analysis. It began as a not so serious goof but lately has taken a serious turn. These posts receive more comments than anything else on the site. If you’re looking for a place to trash Paul Teutul Sr., this is your destination.

Sneak Peek of the Week
As you would expect, every Sunday I give a glimpse into the future and give some hints about what the next week of blogging will bring. They are accompanied by a nice graphic and sometimes they are a feature in and of themselves with content that you can only see on Sunday.

In Search Of


This feature freely mingles fact and fiction. It mingles them to the point of unrecognizability. Each one is a look at a different paranormal topic. Imagine The X-Files meets Fractured Fairy Tales and you start to get the idea.

News Roundups
These have been supplanted by The Imponderables. Each one was a compendium of a month’s worth of strange and silly news.

The Big Ape

Not actually a feature, but you may come across the multi-part Big Ape series. These were about a series of movies and the worldwide phenomenon they spawned, all created by my great-grandfather.

Most of my posts don’t fit into any of those categories. I write about anything that strikes my fancy and I usually try to be funny about it, though I do put in a serious one once in a while. You may stumble across a good number of posts about the strange things that have happened to me while doing the laundry, proving that “life’s most serious moments and most incredibly dumb moments are often distinguishable only by a momentary point of view.”

If a particular series isn’t tabbed at the top you can do a quick search of the index. With nearly 1,100 posts there is something to grab your attention, but as I always say, this blog contains mature themes and even more immature themes. Adjust your disgust accordingly.