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Late Night Movie House of Crap: Lord Love A Duck

25 May

May 25, 2011

Have you ever seen this film? It is apparently a cult film, which is odd since I have not seen it.

I don’t know what impression that made on you, but it seems to me that if Aldous Huxley and Douglas Adams teamed up to write a beach movie and let Russ Meyer direct it you might get something close to Lord Love A Duck.

With that in mind, here is the plot description from wikipedia:

From his prison cell, Alan Musgrave dictates his experiences of the previous year, which he dedicated to fulfilling the unending wishes and ambitions of high school senior Barbara Ann Greene. The daughter of Marie, a cocktail waitress sinking unhappily into her forties, Barbara wants every kind of success and for everyone to love her. Signing a pact with Alan in wet cement, Barbara soon has the 12 cashmere sweaters needed to join an exclusive girl’s club. She drops out of school to become the principal’s new secretary and gets involved in church activities run by strait-laced but hyper-hormonal Bob Bernard. Barbara decides she wants Bob for her husband, which Alan helps make possible by keeping Bob’s eccentric mother Stella (who disapproves of Barbara Ann) perpetually plastered. Then Barbara meets schlock producer T. Harrison Belmont, the King of Beach Party movies, and decides to become the biggest star that ever was. But Bob refuses to allow his wife to have a Hollywood screen test, so Barbara Ann decides she wants a divorce. Since Bob’s mother frowns upon divorce, this prompts Alan to take matters into his own hands and kill Bob. Bob proves almost indestructible, but by graduation time Alan has him in a wheelchair. At the graduation ceremony Alan pursues Bob with a tractor, humorously killing him and everyone else on the speakers’ platform who all screamed in mid-air after being flipped by the tractor before their deaths. Barbara Ann goes on to Hollywood fame in her debut film “Bikini Widow”, while Alan is sent to prison.

I can sum it up much more succinctly: “What the-?”

For anyone like me who must see it, it is on YouTube in 11 parts.

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Mr. Duck Steps Out

23 May

May 23, 2011

Ever come across a story that seemed too good to be true? That’s how I felt when I read this:

A woman believed that Donald Duck was wooing her via satellite television. Why not? Donald is a big star. He’s on TV all the time. Is it really inconceivable that he has been sending her hidden messages in his cartoons?

Well, one thing led to another, a ladder was brought into the equation, and the woman climbed into the satellite dish- no mean feat, those panels aren’t always the strongest- where she “consummated marriage” with Donald Duck.

I have a lot of trouble with that story, not the least of which is that Donald is in a happy relationship with his girlfriend Daisy Duck and has been since 1940. The thought of Donald cheating on Daisy is too much for me to bear. It would kill the little kid inside of me.

On the other hand, I am equally worried that some other water fowl is committing identity theft by claiming to be Donald Duck and seducing crazy women via TV and having sex with them in satellite dishes.

I had to track this journal down. And while the original article is not available online I did find corroboration.

However, I was able to learn that it was indeed Donald and the happy couple is now honeymooning in Disneyland.

And the woman’s real name? Christina Aguilera.

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