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The Cast of Dancing with the Stars 2012

8 Mar

March 8, 2012

Here we go, yet another celebrity show that is lacking in star power. This season is a bit higher on the “what ever happened to?” and “who?” factors than usual. Seriously, is Urkel still a star? And a Mexican soap actor? Not to disparage anyone, but where are the big names?

Melissa Gilbert 

We all know her as little Laura Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie but my, she has grown. What you may not know is that she was president of the Screen Actors Guild from 2001 to 2005, beating out Rhoda and the guy from Adam-12 who didn’t drive the car. Seriously. She beat Valerie Harper and Kent McCord. I think she should do just fine in the contest as long as Nellie Olson isn’t competing against her.

Donald Driver 

Football players trend to do really well on this show. I suspect that hockey players wouldn’t. (They are all goons.) I hope he wins the Mirror Ball Trophy because he looks like a man hungry for more awards. Literally. It looks like eats trophies.
4× Pro Bowl selection (2002, 2006, 2007, 2011)
1× All-Pro selection (2006)
Super Bowl champion (XLV)
Green Bay Packers MVP (2002)
Packers “Walter Payton Man of the Year” (2002)
Ed Block Courage Award (2005)
Green Bay Packers Receiving Yards All-Time Leader
Green Bay Packers Receptions All-Time Leader

William Levy
A Telenova star apparently known as the “Brad Pitt of Mexico.” There were a lot of nearly unprintable pictures of this guy online that made me wonder if he was more like the Jane Lynch of Mexico.

Sherri Shepherd 

We all know she’s on The View but nevermind that, I know her from 30 Rock where she plays Tracy Jordan’s wife.

And I warn you not to click on this next link.

You clicked, didn’t you?

Katherine Jenkins
An opera singer. Odds are that 90% of the audience will not know her and neither will you. Moving on.

Gavin DeGraw
I know that country music fans are passionate, and he may be very popular, but a big name? He hasn’t even been nominated for an award bigger than a Billboard award, and that was seven years ago. Could this be his big push to stardom? Probably not.

Martina Navratilova 

We all know who she is so there is no point in rehashing her career. She is probably the second biggest name here, depending on how you feel about Gladys Knight. Without a doubt she is a bigger name than the kid from the Disney Channel coming up a bit further down the list.

Jack Wagner
He’s a soap opera actor, best known for his roles on the soap operas General Hospital, Santa Barbara, The Bold and the Beautiful, and Melrose Place. He also recorded a few albums. That’s it. The guy is a blank page to me.

Roshon FeganKid on the Disney Channel. What else do you need to know? This is who Disney told ABC to push this season.

Maria Menounos

She lost bet. We won.

The reporter from Extra. I do not watch that show yet somehow I know that she is the reporter from Extra. She must have a great public relations team. And all the bikini shots of her on the net don’t hurt either. For no particular reason I am hoping she wins. Ok, there are a couple of reasons.

Jaleel White 

Do I really need to say anything? This is like shooting fish a barrel

Gladys Knight

 

It is my sad duty to report that the Pips will not be appearing with her. Too bad. It looks they’ve got some moves.

They Are Out to Netflix Me (Netflix 5)

29 Feb

February 29, 2012

One again it is time to take a look at Netflix, whose squirrel-based algorithms always manage to come up with suggestions for movies which I might not want to see but will probably get a laugh out of their reasoning.

For example, this was the very first thing they suggested today:

If you have never seen Downfall, trust me, you have seen Downfall. Go to YouTube and search for “Hitler” and you will get a million videos just like this one below:

But getting back to Netflix, why would they think I’d watch a film about Hitler because I enjoyed Curb your Enthusiasm? What is the connection?  I think it is obvious. Hitler. Larry David. The Jews. Thanks a lot Netflix, you anti-Semitic bastards.

What the what now? Does this make any sense to you? Maybe Netflix can provide some clarification.

Clearly Netflix is just recommending things at random. Want more proof?

A Shot in the Dark is a hysterical Peter Sellers Inspector Clouseau film. The others are not comedies. A Shot in the Dark takes place in France.Casablanca has a flashback set in France. Chinatown features a detective. Peter Sellers plays a detective in A Shot in the Dark. The Birds is a Hitchcock film about birds attacking humans. A Shot in the Dark may feature some pigeons in an outdoor shot. Is this the best you can do, Netflix?

Duck Soup is a classic Marx Brothers comedy. The other films are not comedies, not even close. So what is the only possible reason for this recommendation?

Seriously, I want you to tell me, what is the only possible reason for this recommendation? ‘Cause I have no idea.