Tag Archives: Mongo

Flash Gordon: The Lost Adventure

2 Jul

July 2, 20113

01_raymond_flashgordon_heritagecover_1972

CHAPTER FOUR

The Story So Far:

Marooned on the planet Mongo, heroic human Flash Gordon has become the leader of the freedom-loving resistance forces. Along with the brilliant Professor Zarkov and the lovely Dale Arden, Flash has united the warring peoples of Mongo and forced evil despot Ming the Merciless into retreat.

Meanwhile, Prince Barin has brought Flash some troubling news…

———————-

“Barin!” Flash exclaimed. “Do you know what this says?”

Prince Barin shuffled his feet uncomfortably. “Why yes Flash. It says that Ming is reassembling his forces. I fear his threat may not yet have been vanquished.”

Flash looked to his trusted friend. “Barin, have your people been able to find any trace, any clue of his whereabouts? “ Flash leaned eagerly across the council table. Barin consulted with an aide.

“It seems that some of Prince Vultan’s hawk-men have heard rumors that Ming has established a new palace in the northern section of Arboria.”

“Arboria!” Flash leapt to his feet. “I have to go and see for myself!”

“But Flash, you’d have to cross mighty swamps filled with savage lizard-men!” Barin put a hand of caution on his friend’s shoulder. “And Ming may still be protected by the ferocious lion-folk.”

“I’ll have to take that chance. If Ming is allowed to establish a new palace, who knows what evil he may unleash on Mongo!”

“Then go my ally, go with my prayers.”

———————-

Word of Flash’s mission to Ming’s Palace spread throughout the Court of Mongo. Dale Arden rushed to Flash’s side, but she could not persuade him to stay. Doctor Zarkov tried to reason with Flash, but the blonde hero would not be swayed.

“I must go. Another Palace of Ming would signal the end of freedom on Mongo. The alliance is still new and fragile; Ming could break it all to pieces. I must find Ming’s Palace!”

———————-

Within hours Flash had left the safety of the Capital City and was cautiously making his way towards Ming’s Palace. In the swamps of the lizard-men he proceeded slowly, and only during the day, for the lizard-men prowled at night. During the night, Flash sought safety in the high trees, but he was often challenged and forced to destroy the snake-like creatures that dwelled there.

Days later, Flash emerged from the swamps and under cover of darkness avoided the lion-men patrols and entered Northern Arboria. Darkening his hair, Flash donned a disguise and blended in with the local population, listening for clues to the location of Ming’s Palace. After days of listening at doorways and peering through windows, Flash Gordon finally discovered the location of his goal: Ming’s Palace.

Wasting no time, Flash rushed there and, in awe, stood before his destination.

                       mings place

Clearly, someone had screwed up.

Flash had the beef and broccoli combination plate with wonton soup before hoping a cab back to Prince Barin’s kingdom.

 

I’m Gonna Hit You, Sucka!

26 Nov

November 26, 2012

You’d think a poster this good would have a decent movie attached, wouldn’t you? Well you’d be wrong. BADLY wrong.  This film sucks, and the less said the better. But it DOES serve as a vehicle for a semi-awkward segue….

What it did however, was put me in a mood to see some real sucker punches. This one here is the current internet champion:

1)      DOWN GOES FRAZIER! DOWN GOES FRAZIER!

 “I DON’T CARE! YOU WANNA BE A MAN? I GONNA TREAT YOU LIKE A MAN!”  WOW.  Now I don’t hold with hitting women but that was some amazing uppercut. The last time you saw something like that Drago was killing Apollo Creed. Worldstarhiphop.com is a great site full of many fun videos in this vein. Highly recommended.

 

2)      EPIC FLAIL!

This was another famous one making the rounds for awhile. EPIC BEARD MAN totally whups butt here starting at 1:45. Why was that guy trying him out anyway? It was obvious that old or not, Mr. Beardman was going to be a problem for anyone stupid enough to get into it with him.   And he’s quite the celebrity. He’s been thrown out of busses, restaurants, even the Oakland A’s game.  But who’s gonna step up to him? You? I certainly won’t.

 

3)      READ THIS PALM!

Come for the policeman laying the most resounding slap you’ll ever see and stay for the hilarious commentary by Opie and Anthony, and the late Patrice O’Neal.  (Warning, mild profanity).  This represents one of the most hilarious, spontaneous takes Patrice ever had on the show.

The takeaway is that cops in other countries are not ones you want to mess around with. And when one is giving you the thousand-yard stare, you better be ready to duck.

Oh Patrice…..RIP. You’re sorely missed sir.

                      

4) McFIGHT – ROUND ONE!

You gotta be drunk to want McNuggets THAT badly. The last time I flipped out in a McDonalds at least I had a justified reason – they gave me a Quarter Pounder instead of a DOUBLE Quarter Pounder!  Unfortunately, Grimace and the Hamburgler came out and subdued me.

 

5)      McFIGHT – ROUND TWO!

This one is just low. A “grown” (physically if certainly not mentally) man swinging at a teen girl ½ his weight. On the plus side, he certainly gets the job done. On the minus side, he’s certainly not going to be served any faster now….

 

………….AND THE GREATEST SUCKER PUNCH OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…..Do I really need to comment?

 

Now because you sat through all of that, here’s an early Christmas present for you.  You’re welcome!

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