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Now THIS Guy Is Cool!

21 Jan

keyes1.jpg

You ask most Americans what they think of when you say the word “cool”? A fair majority would probably say this guy:                     

Mr. Blog says: There were better pictures Allan Keyes could have used, but none as funny. Why the heck is The Fonz making love to his thumb?

Mr. Blog says: There were better pictures Allan Keyes could have used, but none as funny. Why the heck is The Fonz making love to his thumb?

Yeah, the middle aged, unthreatening greaseball from Happy Days.  As if eating ravioli out of a can alone in a garage at Christmas could ever be cool.

Other answers abound of course, ranging from James Dean to 57’ Chevys to tattoos to Dr. J, etc.

ALL OF THOSE ANSWERS WOULD BE WRONG.

You know who is cool? THIS GUY: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2255533/The-amazing-story-Mad-Jack-hero-took-Nazis-bow-arrow-later-professional-bagpipe-player.html

 

He was nicknamed Mad Jack by his men during the Second World War.

After coming face to face with Lieutenant Colonel John Churchill, the Germans probably had a similar, if less affectionate, moniker for the eccentric officer.

Rather than wield a sub-machine gun in battle, the commando leader inspired his comrades by storming beaches armed with a bow and arrow and two-handed sword, dressed in a kilt and playing a set of bagpipes
 
 

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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They had me at “Mad Jack”.  Lets get this straight right now: THIS IS A MAN WHO STORMED NAZI BEACHES WITH A BOW AND ARROW, WHILE IN SCOTTISH REGALIA.

This is a real life Braveheart/Rambo hybrid. WHY HAVEN’T I EVER HEARD OF THIS MAN SO I COULD’VE WORSHIPPED HIS STATUE?

Untitled

 

He enhanced his reputation by capturing 42 German prisoners with only his broadsword and later escaping from one of the most daunting Nazi jails before the end of the war.

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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For most men, this would be their valedictory, the stuff of their legend. For John Churchill, CAPTURING 42 GERMANS WITH ONLY A SWORD was merely a “reputation enhancer” And the escaping from prison? That’s a freaking afterthought, as if it was a matter of course for him. Which it most probably was.

How the eff do you capture 42 guys with a sword? Even if they were members of the Pussywillows instead of the Panzers, that’s a daunting task. Folks, the alpha-maleness is so strong in this one, even just through this article, I’m popping a small beta-male submission boner.

You know what this guy reminds me of? This scene from Star Wars:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raF9wfPxir8

Except Mad Jack here was fighting REAL stormtroopers, and unlike Han Solo, he sealed the deal.  What was it about WW2 that unleashed some of the most bad-assed men ever seen? This guy and my other favorite, Simo Häyhä who sniped out over 500 (!!!!) Russians during the war.

Killing Nazis with a bow and arrow…………………….AWESOME!

 

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The Treasure Chest of Terrible Toys: Children’s Paper Chair

19 Jan

January 19, 2012

Like last week’s awful briefcase, I induct another lousy toy under the Toychest of Terrible Toys banner. As you’ll see, this is not a toy per se but it is designed for kids to have fun with. Or prehaps I should say that it is “claimed” to be designed for kids to have fun with since in reality this chair is awkward to use and uncomfortable to sit on. It is not really a chair under most definitions, and a toy? Well, you decide.

TT Chair

From July, 6, 2011

“Form follows function” is a principle associated with architecture and industrial design in the 20th century. The principle is that the shape of something should be primarily based upon its intended function or purpose.

Kitchen chairs follow that principle. Bean bag chairs do not. Which would you rather sit on at the dinner table?

I picked the chair example for a reason. About a month ago I wrote about a pretty bad toy, a briefcase for your child. (See “Birth of The Office Drone.”) One of my problems with that toy was the lack of imagination involved in playing with it. At that time I also came across this product. The following chair for your child may have the opposite problem, too much imagination went into its creation.

Following the principle of form following function, you’d expect the “Children’s Paper Chair” to be some sort of chair.

It is not.

No child could comfortably sit on that thing, especially if the child uses it a lot. The roll will get smaller and smaller and harder and harder to sit on, let alone use. It is a very awkward way of drawing. (I also might have to think about letting strangers look at my daughter while sitting in that position.)

Sitting the other way is no better, the child is cramped. And one dirty diaper or accident will ruin the whole roll.


It is a lousy, uncomfortable chair. It is a lousy, uncomfortable way of drawing. So what went into the thinking behind that product?

I suspect it was something along the lines of “Hey. We have all these rolls of paper lying around, what the heck are we going to do with them?”

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