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Late Night Movie House of Crap: Zardoz

4 Aug

August 4, 2011

I have never seen this movie. I became interested when I saw it listed on Fox Movie Channel. Here is the description I got from my TiVo:

An exterminator of Brutals lands in the Vortex and mates with an Eternal in the year 2293

Right.

As my brother put it, that description didn’t bring enough to the table.

Here is what IMDB has to say:

In the far future, a savage trained only to kill finds a way into the community of bored immortals that alone preserves humanity’s achievements.

That’s a bit better but still doesn’t do it for me. Let’s see the plot summary.

In the distant future Earth is divided into two camps, the barely civilized group and the overly civilized one with mental powers. A plague is attacking the second group, after which its members cease to have any interest in life and become nearly catatonic. When Zed, one of the barbarians, crosses over, the tenuous balance in their world is threatened.

It is starting to sound like MST3K material to me but this is no way to judge a movie. Let’s see the trailer.

Oh wow.

The takeaway from that trailer? James Bond in a red diaper.

But I love those credits. LOVE them! They remind me of an old video game, and I am not the only one.

 And James Bond in a red diaper?

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Secret Origin Of A Super-Villain

1 Aug

August 1, 2011

Think over the top bad guys and evil geniuses exist only in comic books? Think again.

Johnathan T. Pinney first came to the public’s attention in 2008. He had been arrested for biting a police officer. Ordinarily, that wouldn’t be enough to get noticed by the nationwide press, but at his trial he had a few demands. 

There was more but that gives you the idea. I direct your attention to the third paragraph. This man has been found fit to stand trial.

He claimed he “embraces evil” and wanted to wear a cape for his trial. At the hearing, he “fingered his beard while sitting at the defense table.” Personally, I would have said he fingered his beard diabolically while sitting at the table. That’s the way to write an article.

As you might expect, things didn’t go so well for him. That was the last we heard from Mr. Pinney until this article from this past July:


This guy needs a comic book name. Too bad Doctor Doom is already taken. (BTW- Dr. Doom isn’t a doctor. He never finished his degree. Victor von Doom dropped out of college and it was all the accursed Reed Richard’s fault.)

He wants his own nation. Can this get any better?

Yes it can. 

Doctor Mayhem has thought this one through. He wants his own country. Not just any country, but one with an adequate water supply, and he has given thought to the issue of “native pest control,” by which I assume he means any native population. He is clearly an evil scientist since he refers to the “stimulation of volcanic activity” which I take to mean that he will soon develop a secret lair inside an active volcano. And he seems to know many hidden secrets since he demands access to Area 51. Can he be forging an alliance with hostile aliens, like the Skrulls? The diplomatic immunity and fifty billion dollars are just icing on the cake. And the money, I’m sure, will go a long way in financing the creation of a race of Atomic Supermen with which to rule the world.

This man is too dangerous to go free. Surely he is also too dangerous to remain in the general prison population. If he has gone public with his demands, I can only assume that he has already amassed his henchmen and goons and will soon escape the prison via an inter-dimensional tunnel, or at the very least a hot air balloon like Gene Hackman in Superman II.

I urge the authorities to take this man seriously. He needs to be imprisoned in The Phantom Zone, ASAP.

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