Archive | movies RSS feed for this section

Allan Keyes Presents Two Massively Underrated Movies

24 Sep

September 24, 2012

Everyone knows the hits, the best movies: Raiders of the Lost Ark, Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Titanic, Ishtar etc. etc. But it’s the underrated movies that need some love. So I’m here to recommend two movies that are well worth watching even though you may have totally overlooked them.

The Jerky Boys  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110189/

You’re familiar with the Jerky Boys right? The phone gag  guys? The fella  who does Mort Goldman (aka Sol Rosenberg ripoff) on the Family Guy?

                 

     

Incidentally, if you’ve never listened to these guys, do yourself a favor and pick up some of their albums. HILARIOUS. “Look Jerky, I don’t need to talk to you!”

This one is totally counterintuitive. It’s a movie based on two guys who do phone gags. How could it possibly be good?  Yet it is not only good…..it’s hysterical. It follows the adventures of “two low lifes from queens” who get mixed up with the mob and have to constantly talk their way out of trouble using an ever-present handy phone (or intercom or megaphone or whatever) to befuddle bumbling mobsters with their array of awful fake voices.  Do you have to be familiar with the Jerkies to laugh at this film? I won’t lie, it helps with some of the jokes, including seeing what a prick Brett Weir is, and the big reveal that old “Uncle Freddy” is really the capo de tuti capo.  But really, if you’re being exposed to Tarbash the Egyptian Magician, Sol Rosenberg  or Frank Rizzo for the first time…..it’s  still pretty damn funny.

This film is notable for a cameo by Ozzy, finding out his show has been upstaged by a band that’s way beneath him…..

In the meantime, a B (C?) level film of this caliber has some shockingly good talent attached to it: Vinny Pastore as (what else?) a mobster, and Alan Arkin(!) as the Mob Boss. You’ve never seen good cinema until you’ve seen a couple of fatsos shimmy down two stories using a string of “cock-dogs” as a rope (yeah….don’t ask)

Malibu’s Most Wanted   http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0328099/

Another shocking entry, mainly because Jamie Kennedy is dreadfully unfunny in just about everything he’s ever done.

Exhibit A:

Son of the Mask:

 

 Exhibit B:

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…………………….feh

Anyway, this film is hysterical.  Jamie Kennedy is Brad, the clueless son of the CA governor, who is in a tough election fight. Unfortunately for the Gov. and his staff (including Blair Underwood playing his best Carlton from Fresh Prince impersonation ) Brad really fancies himself as “B-Rad” (get it?!), rapper and all-around wigger. Think Eminem, except with some talent (HA! See what I did there??)

 

Anyway, “B-Rad” is causing the Gov. electoral troubles, so he hires some gangstas to really show him the hood, and put the fear of god into him. Well…he doesn’t exactly hire gangstas like this:

 

(and rest assured that here at Mr. BTR, we remain netural in all gang and rap wars. We learned our lesson from the Polka Wars back in the 80’s)

No, he hires “gangsters” like this:

That’s right….Anthony Anderson and Not Tommy Davison are really two effete actors who couldn’t pass for street if they were the only people left on earth. Even the plants and microbes and the sun would laugh at them. But they’re the perfect guys to throw a scare into delusional son-of-Gov.  Well OF COURSE, these two clueless gits wind up losing B-Rad in the REAL ghetto -you can tell it’s the real ghetto, because one of the gangstas is helpfully played by the awesome Terry Crews:


(On a related note, I’ll actually stick a 3rd underrated film in here: Idiocracy, where Crews plays President Camacho. I’d vote for him over Obama or Romney any day!)

 

And OF COURSE, B-Rad, through his own cluelessness, becomes the king of the ghetto (Dubbed “White Kong”) after singlehandedly defeating a rival gang in a shootout:

 

Now into this, let’s add Brad’s just-as-clueless and just-as-wannabe friends, who get word and feel they have to rescue him.

 

That’s right….Kumar and two other dopes charge off to the rescue, ready to fight the hood with an antique blunderbuss and a speargun. And yet, it somehow works!

This is one of those rare films that shows that Blacks and Whites are equally clueless. Both hardcore gangbanger and klansman can enjoy a belly laugh over this film. AND YOU SHOULD TOO!! (assuming that our readership does in fact have other people besides gangbangers and klansmen among its number) 

Anyway, hopefully you watch these two films and enjoy as much as I do! Next week I’ll review The Innocence of Muslims!

This is an actual screen cap from that “film.”

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This Is The Future, Right? (Classic Repost)

12 Sep

September 12, 2012

This has the distinction of being one of the very rare posts I’ve run a third time. Why? I like it.
At any rate, nothing much has changed since 2007 but I’ve pretty much given up my crush on Judy Jetson, she’s such a tease. Plus Sailor Moon is just so much hotter.

from May 12, 2007

This is the future, right? I mean, when we were little kids, the 21st century was it. IT. Flying cars, robots, atomic supermen, that sort of thing. Criswell said it best- “We are all interested in the future, for that is where we shall spend the rest of our lives.” And damn if he wasn’t right, ’cause I haven’t managed yet to live in the past, at least not for real.

I was reading an old Ray Bradbury story that was set in the far-off future year of 1978, and I hate to complain and pick on such a “legend,” but man, was he wrong. I’m sorry Mr. Sci-Fi Legend Guy, but I’m not living on a Mars colony. And my “atomic-powered short-wave radio” doesn’t exist. So what’s the deal?

I’m very well-read and I’ve seen tons of movies. I know what I’m talking about. I want my ray gun! I want my personal robot! I want my own jet pack, flying car, and combination space radio-slash-TV! My hat is supposed to protect me from atomic fallout and my food is supposed to be in pill form. I should commute to work by rocket and my personal computer should be about the size of my bedroom and have the computing power of thirteen abacuses.

But I know that old movies and TV shows can be somewhat unreliable when it comes to showing things as they are. You just have to be selective. For example, I don’t really take The Jetsons seriously. How can you? It is so phony. I think that show has the worst special effects I have ever seen. That car folding into a briefcase? I can see the CGI. And the actors? I don’t know who played George Jetson but he was so weird looking! He had a head that was about as big as his torso. I’ve tried reading the credits, but they don’t tell you who played any of the Jetsons. It may be for their safety- can you imagine how many stalkers Judy Jetson had? I must have written her thirty or forty letters when I was a kid and she never wrote back. I was so stupid back then- it took me until I was 23 to realize that she lives in the future! She hasn’t gotten the letters yet!

Movies do a little better job. I like Abbott and Costello Go to Mars. These two goofy delivery guys get mixed up for scientists and, somehow, end up piloting a ship to Mars, with two bumbling crooks along for the ride. Now it may sound silly, but the film has a rather complex inner-logic and the use of soft-focus cinematography is particularly effective, especially in the sublimely genius sequence when Costello is blasting people with his freeze ray. If any film could be held up as proof of the auteur theory of filmmaking, this is certainly it. Subtle in its satire and carefully nuanced in the use of pre-Marxist Soviet propaganda, my only problem is that how can these be the same guys who played janitors who met Frankenstein and Dracula in a previous film? That part I could never figure out- when did they change careers from janitors to delivery men?

At any rate, that future was clear- men would travel to Mars and meet a race of giant dogs, as well as mechanizing the Statue of Liberty so it can duck when a rocket flies too close overhead. We would all have freeze rays and we would wear spiffy space suits. I want my spiffy space suit!

So far the future is not all it was cracked up to be. I blame Congress. They keep holding up all those laws I want them to enact. Just last month I sent Congress my Bill For The Construction Of Lunar Radium Mines. And what did they do? Sent an FBI guy with a search warrant to my house. It’s like they don’t appreciate all my help.

I sent Congress my ideas for a Rocket-Man Brigade to protect us from Interstellar Plutonian Ice Hounds and all they did was pass some sort of dopey Iraq troop-funding bill.

So as I get older I’m resigning myself to the fact that maybe I won’t be getting that robot any time soon. I may not live on the moon or have a Martian space-dog as my pet, but at least I have my fifth-grade imagination. And maybe I don’t have a jet pack or own a space-yacht, but I know that I will someday. Flash Gordon said so!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →