Tag Archives: Shatner

Shatner!

13 Nov

from January 31, 2008

I added William Shatner as a MySpace buddy. I am friends with Captain Fucking Kirk! Shit yes I cursed! Fuck it dude, this is Fucking Kirk! And yes I am capitalizing that F. Fuck yes!

The guy is, let’s say, not a thespian. (Nor a lesbian, for that matter.) Frankly, he acts like he is a graduate of the Adam West school of acting. Coincidentally, Adam West is a graduate of the William Shatner School of Acting. (“Who. Is. This. Nefarious. Evildoer?”) Go figure.

But here’s the catch- he sends out, no joke, 3 or 4 bulletins a day. Here’s a sample:

Behind the Scenes at my Details Magazine Shoot
Resend: Behind the Scenes at My Details Magazine Photoshoot
Meet my official Stand In Phil
Meet David who plays my new Priceline Sidekick “No Fee”
Meet My Horse Kelvin
My Early Birthday Celebration! Peak Oil Party! FREE! (Sorry, that was Michelle.)
More Behind the Scenes of My Priceline Shoot with No Fee!

But it is William Fucking Shatner, man! The guy who saw a man on the wing! “There’s a man on the wing!” The guy who got stuck in the Twilight Zone waiting for the fortune teller to let him leave “Can we leave tomorrow?” This is The Captain of The Fucking Star Trek who laid every green-tited bitch in the Antares Nebula! (Whoa, got carried away. But it’s Shatner!)

So I am going to read every damn one of his stupid bulletins.

William Fucking Shatner!

Meanwhile, more about ME- My Entertainment.

Recently MySpace screwed up and erased my blog views from 705 to 0. Not that I cared as long as the blogs were OK. To your dismay, I’m sure, they are fine. Sorry, those pearls of wisdom are still there. But I didn’t really care, even though my six readers (counting the possibly fictional Mr. Know-It-All and Jennifer, who may or may not be disgusted by me) actually checked out the blog over 700 times. But here’s the thing- they “fixed it,” I think, and now I have 1787 views. I had 16 views since the account got wiped, so I should have 721, total. Somehow, I was given 1068 extra views.

Unless someone out there wants to admit to viewing my blog over 1000 times today. Marc, I just realized that I don’t know what you do all day. Was it you? WAS IT?  Or was it Kathy? She does nothing at work all day but order t-shirts and bitch about Mazzella. WAS IT YOU?

But maybe, just maybe, could it be, WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER?

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Crisis in the Middle East

13 Nov

from September 25, 2007

There was a new uprising in the Middle East today as the new terror leader was revealed.

Colonel Sanders moved to consolidate his power base today as his elite troops closed in on the province of al-Kentucky in the southern part of Saudi Arabia.

Before today, Colonel Sanders was the unknown financier behind the terrorists, but he revealed himself today as the mastermind of fast food politics, as his soldiers soon took down their biggest rival.

Talks between Col. Sanders and Ronald McDonald have broken down in recent weeks, and McDonald is feared lost in al-Kentucky.

President Bush was quick to appoint a new Mid-East negotiator, introduced by Secretary of State Rice at a hasty news conference today.

Mr. Met vowed to find a peaceful solution to the crisis.

Meanwhile, the Pope entertained a delegation of goodwill ambassadors, who petitioned him to get involved and used the traditional breakdance of peace to sway him.

The crisis even spilled over into the sports world, where a broom-wielding protestor disrupted the Cavaliers game.

In the United States, the terror alert level has been elevated to “Mothra” out of fear of prehistoric monsters being awakened during the dispute.

In other mid-east politics, William Shatner and his junta siezed power in Kuwait last night.

It is expected that King Shatner will soon rename the country “Shatner.”

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None of the news photos have been edited. That’s how they appeared in the papers.

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