I know what you are thinking. “Damn, I would love to see those court papers!” Well thanks to the internet you can! They are available in full at http://www.inversecondemnation.com/files/rocket.pdf but I have excerpted the relevant and funny sections here.
This is a negligence case, but unbelievably, it is against the fraternity, not the asshole who put a rocket in his asshole. The crux of the lawsuit is that there was a broken railing on the roof and there were a railing he never would have fallen off the roof.
I say if he didn’t try to shoot a rocket out of his ass then none of this would have happened. This is what is going to college these days.
How much money will a jury award this jerk? The question is Imponderable.
For those of you unfamiliar with the classic version of The Newlywed Game (not the awful version with Carnie Wilson) check this out and then I’ll be back to explain some more.
This was a Chuck Barris-produced show in which married couples were split up and asked the same questions. One partner had to predict how the other would answer the same question and the couple with the most matches won. Simple. The fun of it was that the host, Bob Eubanks, had the amazing ability to ask even the most innocent question in a sexually-tinged way. Of course, there were few “innocent” questions- the phrase “making whoopie” popped up a lot- but even the innocent ones were designed to sound dirty. And it helped that the contestants were not chosen for their Mensa scores.
What I am posting next is one episode in its entirety, in three parts. This is the notorious “Archie and Edith” episode in which the contestants look and sound and act eerily like the Bunkers from All in the Family. I won’t spoil it for you, but wait for the exchange that follows “think of the children.” But don’t count out the other contestants. There is a strange man with a poor command of the English language who looks very much like Patrick Troughton and his young wife. (She married for money, he for a green card is my theory.) There is the snooty banker-type (his moment to shine comes late in part three) and the man whose remark about premeditation hints at more in his past than I would like to speculate.
Settle back and watch this all the way through. I first caught this episode on the Game Show Network a few years ago and I still have it on my TiVo today. Enjoy it now and thank me later.
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