Tag Archives: President Hobo

Writer’s Block #1

8 Aug

August 8, 2013

On Monday I presented 11 goofy writing prompts I googled (I still refuse to capitalize that) which were actually used by American colleges and universities. This might explain the sorry state of both our American educational institutions and graduates.

Yesterday I presented the first act of President Hobo, my latest Hollywood TV pitch. While I wait with bated breath for all the big money to roll my way from bigwig TV honchos, I find myself with a blog to present tonight.

So without further ado, here is my take on writing prompt #11: You have just completed your 300-page autobiography. Please submit Page 217. (UPenn, 2009)

I Did It, So Sue Me
by bmj2k
page 217

very lucky you’re not in jail!”

                Frankly, he was right. I never did stop to think about the consequences, and I have to admit, there were plenty of warnings. But what else was I to do?  Back then, Argentina was the closest I had to home, and unless Don Pedro Almovar changed his mind, it was likely to be my only home.

                Meanwhile, my trunk had finally arrived. I guess that General Pena had finally had enough of dragging my name through the mud and he put my luggage on what must have been the slowest train in all of South America. I can’t blame him for the shabby treatment, after what we went through I wouldn’t have done any better by him.                       

Recently released CIA photograph of me on my way to the Asmodeus Summit

Recently released top secret CIA surveillance photo of me on my way to the Asmodeus Summit

               Project Asodeus made my reputation, but it also marked the beginning of the end of my relationship with Washington DC. Once I committed, I had to recognize that I would never be welcomed back in the White House, never sit in the Oval Office and sip cocoa with foreign ambassadors and never, never again, would I be asked to attend security briefings.

               Perhaps my only regret about the operation in Argentina is the fact that I had to leave it unfinished. I recall my last conversation in the field. “Dammit, you might be the President of The United States but in this operation I’m calling the shots.”

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

My Next TV Pitch

7 Aug

August 7, 2013

Last year I pitched my sure-fire, can’t-miss movie to Hollywood. Hamsterus, the touching story of a boy and his giant mutated hamster, was passed on by every studio in California, plus two in Argentina. Well, I don’t give up easily, so here is my next big Hollywood idea, a TV series that I am sure is going to be a hit. Here is the first part of my brief treatment of the first act of your new favorite show. Enjoy!

PRESIDENT HOBO

Act 1
Scene 1

Washington DC at night. Streets are deserted. A police car slowly drives through a rundown area, its spotlight picking out dark spots and bleak shadows. Suddenly the police car stops and the spotlight stays fixed on a group of garbage cans.

VOICE OF OFFICER ONE ON POLICE RADIO (crackle of static): We found him. I repeat, The President has been found.

Slow close up on garbage cans. Camera moves around cans to reveal a bum sleeping behind the cans, his clothes little more than rags, his face unshaven for weeks.

Two police officers get out of the car and walk toward the President.

OFFICER ONE: I am so tired of this. How does he keep getting away?

OFFICER TWO: I don’t care but this time they better give him a shower. I’m sick and tired of going home smelling like Presidential stank.

The officers pick him up and not-so-carefully drop him in the back of their squad car.

Seal_Of_The_President_Of_The_United_States_Of_America

Act 1
Scene 2

The White House, the Oval Office.
REX MARGIN and LOLA SAMPLE are pacing the office, BRENDA SITSWELL sits behind the president’s desk with a can of wax.

BRENDA: I wish he’d stop carving his initials in the desk.

REX: I just wish he’s spell them right.

Two Secret Service agents enter the office, propping up PRESIDENT HOBO between them.

AGENT ONE: Look who’s back.

They drop him on the couch.

AGENT TWO: Timber!

REX MARGIN: Thanks fellas, take the rest of the night off. And don’t forget- this never happened.

AGENT ONE: Again.

REX: What?

AGENT ONE: This never happened again. Just like it never happened last week or three times last month.

LOLA SAMPLE: That’s enough officer, you’re dismissed.

The agents leave. LOLA, REX, and BRENDA gather around the couch, where PRESIDENT HOBO lays snoring and clutching an empty whiskey bottle.

REX: You guys know I didn’t vote for him, right?

president hobo

What do you think? It’s going to be huge, right? I can’t wait for this to go into production. Networks love political dramas, and this one is topical and has a dash of comedy. I know that after this, Hollywood execs will be lined up at my door. I can’t wait!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Newer Entries →