Tag Archives: Doctor Who

HYPERIZIN’ ILL-DUNKIFICATION! and Other Words I Live By

1 Feb

February 1, 2010

I saw that on a billboard advertising Gatorade. Or “G” as they now call it. Like “Gatorade” is too hard to remember. Anyway, on with the blog. (Or “B” as I call it.)

Great quotes by great people. Wisdom. Words to live by and other crap. Below is a list of some of the quotes that I find particularly relevant and useful. Hey, if I find them worthy, why shouldn’t you? (Besides that fact that you may be better educated or wiser than me, I mean.)

I felt like poisoning a monk- Umberto Eco
Right up there with “Because it was there” and “Why do you rob banks? Because that’s where the money is” is this gem. Umberto Eco came up with this when asked “Why did you write The Name of the Rose?” I think it is much nicer than saying F- you. Think about it. The next time some idiot asks you why you did so and so, just answer “Because I felt like poisoning a monk.” That’ll shut them up.

The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity- Harlan Ellison
Who doesn’t love Harlan Ellison, one of our time’s most curmudgeonly smug writers and all around cuddly cynical warmth? Is any of that even possible? Anyway, hydrogen is the most abundant element in the universe, fueling suns, thus explaining why there is so much stupidity- everyone is full of hot air.

Logic merely enables one to be wrong with authority- Dr. Who, The Wheel in Space
(I follow Harlan Ellison with Doctor Who for no other reason than Ellison once wrote an introduction for some Doctor Who novels. Simple as that.)
I’m not saying that Doctor Who coined that phrase, but that was the first time I heard it so it will forever be a Doctor Who quote in my book. And since this is my blog, it is my book.

If one is to be called a liar, one may as well make an effort to deserve the name- AA Milne
The creator of Winnie the Pooh said that? What a creep.

I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either- Jack Benny
In other words, shit happens, so if you happen to stumble into something good, shut up, take the money, and run. Jack Benny should know. In one of his most famous bits, he was asked at gunpoint “your money or your life.” After a long pause, the gunman demanded an answer. Benny responded with “Wait a minute, I’m thinking!” What a genius. He didn’t even poop his pants.

Often in life one is confronted with a situation that demands a classy reply. One can do worse than one of these classy gems. If none of them leap to mind, you can still shout HYPERIZIN’ ILL-DUNKIFICATION! and run.

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1970’s Role Models Round Two

4 Jan

January 4, 2010

Who is the best 1970’s television role model?

In round one, overweight single mother Esther Rolle beat overweight single mother Mabel King to advance to the next round. What powered Esther to the win? Her picture was funnier.

Round Two

“THE MAN”                                                VS.                              JUAN EPSTEIN

               

CHICO AND THE MAN                                            WELCOME BACK KOTTER

Chico and The Man was the heartwarming story of a grumpy old racist who took in Freddie Prinze Jr.’s father. He was drunk most of the time, due to the fact that he kept a bottle of whiskey hidden in his hat. Many years before, The Man traveled through time in a time machine he invented in his garage.

 

However, heavy drinking had left him a shell of his former self. To survive, he became a part time mechanic, part time gigolo.

 

1970’s icon Charo often paid for his services. What was Charo famous for? I don’t know.


“Cuchi cuchi!”

Juan Epstein was a Sweat Hog. What does that mean? You don’t want to know. Welcome Back Kotter was best known for igniting the career of Marcia Strassman.

 

Ms. Strassman went on to guest star in an episode of Murder, She Wrote and later had an uncredited role in 1994’s Honey, I Shrunk the Audience. (I know it sounds like I made that up, but sadly, I did not.)

Epstein was one of the many twenty-something’s that television has tried to pass off as high school kids over the years. His teacher was this man, Gabe Kaplan, professional poker player.

 

Look at that mustache. Would you trust that man with your kids? At any rate, Juan Epstein was a good for nothing, but he always had a note from his mother. No homework? He had a note. No book report? He had a note. No alibi for the night the Sweat Hogs knocked over the liquor store? Don’t worry; he had a note from his mom.

WINNER: “THE MAN”

Why? So I have an excuse to run one more picture of Charo:

 

 Coming Soon: Round Three: Barnaby Jones Vs. Fish

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