Tag Archives: Best Buy

Dark Shadows

14 Dec

December 13th, 2009

I’ve had some free time on my hands lately. You know, since they’ve taken all the coal from the ground, and they’re closing all the factories down. Out in Bethlehem they’re killing time, filling out forms, standing in line, whatever else Billy Joel wrote about in Allentown. Not that I live in Allentown, but the point is that I have enough time on hands to write blogs quoting from Billy Joel songs for no good reason.

So I’ve been looking for something to do and crack is just too expensive so I settled on watching old episodes of Dark Shadows on DVD. It is cheaper than crack, less addictive, and some of the old black and white episodes are so boring I can fall asleep on the couch, which is a real boon to a guy like me who can’t seem to sleep when he is supposed to, i.e.: at night, and not while driving to Best Buy to pick up a set of Dark Shadows DVDs.

There were 1229 episodes made and so far I have seen the first four. Only 1225 more to go! Truthfully though, this isn’t the first time I have watched this show. Several years back, in the 1990’s, I watched almost a whole season of this show on the Sci-Fi channel. That was when it was actually a good place to find science fiction TV shows and movies, as opposed to what it is now, a good place to see films like Mega-Croco-Shark vs. Prehistoric Alligator IV: Revenge of the Fish.

The problem then was that the show got my interest. Why is that a problem? Here’s why. When I tuned in a girl named Victoria Winters (how do I know she was named Victoria Winters? Because every episode started with a voiceover beginning with “My name is Victoria Winters.” Damn egotistical if you ask me.) had been transported via séance into the past to become part of the Collinswood household of the 19th century. I got to know all the characters, like Angelique the witch from the West Indies who was much hotter than Jossette Du Pre, and that caused a big problem for Barnabas because while he was schtupping Angelique behind Jossette’s back in the Indies, back home in Maine he was supposed to be marrying Josette. Which is why Angelique killed him and turned him into a vampire. Simple.

I got to know the rest of the cast, from Rev. Trask to Willie to Jeremiah Collins, etc, and eventually all good things came to an end and “My name is” Victoria Winters was pulled back to the 20th century where not a single character (save Barnabas)  was on the show. Oh sure, the actors were all the same, but they were all playing different characters! I had no idea who anyone was. Why was Jossette called Maggie Evens and working in a diner? Why was Jeremiah now called Roger? Who was this woman cleaning the chimney?

And even worse, they picked up as if nothing happened! As if the whole past season didn’t happen. “As I was saying, that is why the cows didn’t give milk this year,” said Roger. WTF?

So I stopped watching.

Now though I’m determined to get through it. I’ve gotten the first set (of 36 freakin’ sets!) and I’m almost entirely through the first disc (out of 6.) So that is 6 discs per set, for 36 sets, that makes about 4,500 discs to get through. Or 216, whichever one is mathematically accurate.

At this rate I can expect to be finished with Dark Shadows by the time I am 65, just in time to retire. Then I am sure to have some more time on my hands. Having already seen Dark Shadows, maybe I’ll move on to something shorter, like rare kinescopes of Al Jolson singing Mammy. Or maybe I’ll just do crack.

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