Tag Archives: Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride

Shatner!

13 Nov

from January 31, 2008

I added William Shatner as a MySpace buddy. I am friends with Captain Fucking Kirk! Shit yes I cursed! Fuck it dude, this is Fucking Kirk! And yes I am capitalizing that F. Fuck yes!

The guy is, let’s say, not a thespian. (Nor a lesbian, for that matter.) Frankly, he acts like he is a graduate of the Adam West school of acting. Coincidentally, Adam West is a graduate of the William Shatner School of Acting. (“Who. Is. This. Nefarious. Evildoer?”) Go figure.

But here’s the catch- he sends out, no joke, 3 or 4 bulletins a day. Here’s a sample:

Behind the Scenes at my Details Magazine Shoot
Resend: Behind the Scenes at My Details Magazine Photoshoot
Meet my official Stand In Phil
Meet David who plays my new Priceline Sidekick “No Fee”
Meet My Horse Kelvin
My Early Birthday Celebration! Peak Oil Party! FREE! (Sorry, that was Michelle.)
More Behind the Scenes of My Priceline Shoot with No Fee!

But it is William Fucking Shatner, man! The guy who saw a man on the wing! “There’s a man on the wing!” The guy who got stuck in the Twilight Zone waiting for the fortune teller to let him leave “Can we leave tomorrow?” This is The Captain of The Fucking Star Trek who laid every green-tited bitch in the Antares Nebula! (Whoa, got carried away. But it’s Shatner!)

So I am going to read every damn one of his stupid bulletins.

William Fucking Shatner!

Meanwhile, more about ME- My Entertainment.

Recently MySpace screwed up and erased my blog views from 705 to 0. Not that I cared as long as the blogs were OK. To your dismay, I’m sure, they are fine. Sorry, those pearls of wisdom are still there. But I didn’t really care, even though my six readers (counting the possibly fictional Mr. Know-It-All and Jennifer, who may or may not be disgusted by me) actually checked out the blog over 700 times. But here’s the thing- they “fixed it,” I think, and now I have 1787 views. I had 16 views since the account got wiped, so I should have 721, total. Somehow, I was given 1068 extra views.

Unless someone out there wants to admit to viewing my blog over 1000 times today. Marc, I just realized that I don’t know what you do all day. Was it you? WAS IT?  Or was it Kathy? She does nothing at work all day but order t-shirts and bitch about Mazzella. WAS IT YOU?

But maybe, just maybe, could it be, WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER?

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The Best Regents Exam Ever!

13 Nov

from January 29, 2008

Most of you are familiar with the NY State Regent’s Exams so I will not go into it in much detail. The students are required to write four essays and do some multiple choice questions. What follows is unaltered and unedited. It is simply the best Regent’s Exam ever! (Liz, back me up on this or no one will believe me!)

I came to new york few years ago. I am learning english now. I don’t have kids or wife because I am 17 year old. I like to use computer a lot and listen to MP3. One month ago I ask my brother for MP3 and he hide it. I say please brother and he no give it to me. Then he came to me and say give my mp3 player back. I say I no say please to no body in my life, then after 1 week I gave him his mp3 player back. You are cute or beautiful person. Please pass me because I no speak english. Please. I forgot to study. I will study next time. I am beging u. please me this test. Please.

           Me no english.

Thank u for marking me passing this test. I will pray for you now. I don’t usually tell this to people. I am a prophet. I will pray a lot for you. 

That was essay one. This is what he wrote for each of the remaining three:

I no speak english. Please pass me this test. I am prophet and I will pray for who ever is helping me pass this test.

What else could I do? Sixes across the board! YES! A prophet is praying for me! Who cares if an Islamic prophet is praying for this Jew? I have been blessed!

But seriously, this kid came on both days. Yes, after the tragedy that was day one he came back for day two. And his multiple choice answers, which should have been numbered “1,” “2,” etc, were lettered “A,”” “B'” “C,”” and so on.

BTW- this kid speaks very good English.

Final Score: 01.

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