A Good Old-Fashioned Polar Vortex

22 Jan

January 22, 2014

We had another one of those polar-vortex/bombogenesis things today, just like they had in the good ol’ days when they called these things what they are: snowstorms.

As a public service, I took to Facebook to give updates and helpful tips to the masses.

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7 am: The snow is coming today.

Tip #1- In Brooklyn, it is acceptable to decorate your snowman with empty cans of motor oil and cigarette butts.

 

9 am: It is snowing out.

Tip #2: If you stand outside and try to catch a snowflake on your tongue, you may also catch a dog peeing on your leg.

 

12 pm: The snow is getting harder.

Tip #3: Your local McDonald’s now has 14 homeless guys sitting around the play area.

 

1:30 pm: The snow is getting deeper.

Tip #4: Deep snow can cover a lot of dog poop, so step carefully

 

5 pm: The snow is going to continue all night.

Tip#5: It’ll be dark out. Turn on some lights.

 

8 pm: The snow continues.

Tip #6: So does Keeping Up With The Kardashians. We all have our personal Hells.

 

If I saved just one life it will have been worth it.

Snow

 

 

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9 Responses to “A Good Old-Fashioned Polar Vortex”

  1. zathra January 22, 2014 at 12:06 am #

    If it snows down South, sometimes just a dusting –

    ” IT’S THE END OF DAYS !! “.

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    • bmj2k January 22, 2014 at 12:12 am #

      Yep. It is all over. Any blogs I may post from here one were written in 1979 and scheduled to run now.

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      • bmj2k January 22, 2014 at 12:13 am #

        So coming later this week: My predictions for Battlestar Galactica 1980. I can’t wait to see more Apollo!

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      • zathra January 22, 2014 at 12:23 am #

        I mean it. The slightest dusting. 1 inch or more is pretty much Snowmageddon down here, y’all ! 🙂

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        • bmj2k January 22, 2014 at 12:24 am #

          They say we have 10.5 inches right now, but looking out my window it seems less. I worked from home today and plan to do the same tomorrow.

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          • zathra January 22, 2014 at 12:30 am #

            Oh, I forgot. It’s 1979. You haven’t had Snowmageddon yet. Temporal Causality takes one for the team !

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      • zathra January 22, 2014 at 12:25 am #

        Galactica 1980 w / inspire a different show called ” Quantum Leap “. Buy stock in Universal Studios !

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        • bmj2k January 22, 2014 at 12:35 am #

          I’m investing all my money in neon leg warmers. I think in the 80’s neon will be totally tubular!

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          • zathra January 22, 2014 at 12:46 am #

            My good friend Lt. Dan helped me invest my money in some sorta fruit company. APPLE or somethin’. ( Forrest Gump reference ).
            Has Larry King re – married yet ?

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