Mr. Blog’s Tepid Search Engine 2012 (NEW!)

September 27, 2012

I am so proud of my blog. And you should be just as proud of yourselves.

I’m being sarcastic. This is just weird and so, it seems, are you.

 I was checking the gears and cogs that make up the inner workings of The Tepid Ride and I stopped and asked myself “what are all these gears and cogs doing here?” Turns out I was unscrewing my toaster. So I put it back together and, even though I have a couple of cogs left over, it still toasts a mean piece of bread. So while I was munching on some lightly buttered toast I wandered over to the computer and did what I intended to do in the first place- checked out the analytics. I only looked the past week because I scare easily.

It is always a scary thing for me to do. While there are a great many search terms that lead people here, like “American Chopper blog” and “tepid ride” that make sense, there are a great many more that I am not so sure I want to take ownership of.

In fact I lay this first batch right at the feet of Allen Keyes. And that is a fearsome task since his feet are usually ready to kick. But no matter who is to blame (and it sure isn’t me!) the ultimate blame goes you, Mr. John Q. Public, and your wife, Mrs. Estelle Q. Public, and your kids, Ray and JoJo Q. Public. Someone please tell me why anyone would search for:

fat black guy
fat man eating
fat black people
fat guy eating burger
fat ginger man
fat man
fat black person
fat guy cosplay
fat guy eating a cheeseburger
fat ginger
fat optimus prime
fat dude
fat man eating a cheeseburger
fat guy eating
fat guy cheeseburger
fat pizza
fat black guy eating a cheeseburger
fat guy superhero
old fat guy
black fat man
ginger fat guy
weird fat black man eating hamburger
happy fat guy

Let me point out that A- all of those searches in some way  led to Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride, and B- I think you guys may be a little racist. And what’s up with all the fat searches?

But as I said, I do come by those honestly. After all, I have posted any and all variations of this picture:

But at the same time, while those search terms could have led to any site, there were a couple of related search terms that I proudly say can only have come from Mr. BTR since it was this site that coined these terms (and if we didn’t we still say we did):

norman snackmunch
homburger

But fat wasn’t the only search term leading the unwashed (and smelly) masses here. Similarly, these terms also brought people to bmj2k.com:

man eating a hamburger
man eating hamburger
black man eating burger
black guy eating a cheeseburger
black guy eating hamburger
guy eating

Why? Who would google “guy eating?” And take it from me, have your safe search filter on for some of those searches.

This picture also seems to have motivated people to come to my blog.

Don’t lose that loincloth!

For the record, that old guy is Japan’s #1 porn star, Shigeo Tokuda also known as

dirty old man
retro pervert

At least I assume that retro pervert relates to this. What else could it possibly be?

There were also a few searches for “sexy gorilla” and no, I did not try that myself. I do not want to know. If you were one of the people who searched “sexy gorilla” then I ask you to please don’t send in an explanation. I prefer to pretend I never saw that.

Aside from American Chopper, the show that gets the most searches is Hardcore Pawn. I get a schmabillion (that’s a million with a boatload of zeroes after it) searches for that show and I only wrote one single post about it!

ashley gold ass
ashley broad gold ass shots
ashley broad got fat

Before you think the public has one thing on its mind (Ashley’s Broad ass- see what I did there?) her brother also gets a pretty common search:

hardcore pawn seth is an asshole

I agree. I also see the search “why do the people on Hardcore Pawn wear the same clothes” a lot. A LOT. A whole lot more than you’d expect. As a public service, let me explain.

The people on Hardcore Pawn wear the same clothes because the show is filmed over a number of days and pieces of various days are edited together so they have to wear the same clothes or they would be wearing different outfits throughout the show.  Each episode is not entirely composed of one day; they are composed of a few days edited together for whatever story the producers want to tell.

Another show I only wrote about once but generates a lot for traffic is Long Island Medium.

long island medium crap

It is worth mentioning here that the show sucks and the medium is a fraud.

Strange terms leading folks here included

tiny muscle man
tiny midget
dwarf man

Isn’t “tiny midget” redundant? And “dwarf man?” Is that some sort of dwarf and man hybrid?

mr t versus Dracula

I goggled this one myself, and no matter what spell check says, I refuse to capitalize google. Call it my one man protest. Adam Yauch would be proud. Anyway I googled it and where did it lead? Not to me. I went through the first five pages and no links for bmj2k.com appeared. However, when I switched to images, the tenth picture was from Mike Mongello as it appeared on my blog. It had Dracula but no Mr. T. Go figure.

I was happy to see that monkey man in delhi led to me as that was one of my first and still favorite blog subjects. Someone remind me to make that the next Classic Repost.

the pants that ate fred mertz. Hee hee, google that one yourself.  Warning. It is not dirty. Sorry to disappoint.

whatever happened to the actress who played mary on little house on the prairie? I don’t know, nor do I know how that has anything to do with my blog.

lee horsley Hardscrabble himself!From my very own Twitter sensation Hardscrabble & Fist!

mayor doucheberg is popular too. The insult, I mean, not the man himself, who is a self-righteous arrogant prick. But Mayor Doucheberg sounds a lot better than Mayor Self-Righteousarrogantprickberg.

But, and I am serious, the number one search term leading people here over the last week is “kittens.”

Yup. Kittens.

I told you at the start, you guys are weird.

Tags: Allen Keyes, analytics, Ashley Broad Gold, ask.com, bing, bmj2k, cheeseburger, fat man eating, google, hamburger, Hardcore Pawn, Les Gold, Long Island Medium, Mr. Blog, Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride, Mr. BTR, Norman Snackmunch, Queen Elizabeth, search engines, Seth Gold, Shigeo Tokuda, wikipedia