My Review of The New Cast of Dancing With The “Stars” September 2010. Ugh.

31 Aug

August 31, 2010

The new cast of Dancing with the Stars has been revealed and once again, ABC stretches the definition of “star” to the breaking point. If you thought last season “starKate Gosselin was bad, this season’s “stars” will make her look like, well, still like Kate Gosselin.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino (Jersey Shore)
Does this guy have a head? I don’t know. In every shot he is pointing to his abs, which I must admit have a higher IQ than Snooki. Can we drop him into Afghanistan and stand him the same pose, showing the Taliban where to shoot?

Bristol Palin (Daughter Of Sarah Palin)
She is a star because she is an unwed pregnant teenage mom engaged to a total jerk. Were she not Sarah Palin’s daughter she’s be on the next Maury.

David Hasselhoff (Baywatch)
Hofftastic! The Hoff will Hoffer Dancing with the Hoffs his Hoffmazing skills on the Hoffloor. His Hofferific Hoffs Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff.

OK, that's Chris Farley. But you seen Haselhoff lately?

Brandy (Singer)
Someone keep the brandy away from Hasselhoff! Oh, she’s a singer? Never mind.

Jennifer Grey (Dirty Dancing)
From imdb:
“The New Adventures of Old Christine” …. Tracey (1 episode, 2009)
– Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Crazy (2009) TV episode …. Tracey
“Phineas and Ferb” …. Dr. Gevaarlijk / … (3 episodes, 2008-2009)
– Phineas and Ferb’s Quantum Boogaloo (2009) TV episode (voice) …. Librarian
– Hide and Seek/That Sinking Feeling (2009) TV episode (voice) …. Louisa Patel
– The Monster of Phineas-n-Ferbenstein/Oil on Candace (2008) TV episode (voice) …. Dr. Gevaarlijk
Keith (2008/I) …. Caroline
Redbelt (2008) …. Lucy Weiss

Yeah, she has time to do this show.

Michael Bolton (Singer)
As long as he keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t sing we can all get through this.

Kurt Warner (Former NFL Player)
Rick Fox (Former NBA Player)
Athletes usually do well on this show. Kurt is a two time MVP and a Super Bowl MVP. Rick played on three NBA championship teams.

Make your own jokes, I’ve got nothing.

Florence Henderson (The Brady Bunch)

Margaret Cho (Comedian)
Margaret once had a television show called “All-American Girl.” I found this tidbit online, showing just how stupid network TV is:

“The show suffered criticism from within the U.S. East Asian community over its perception of stereotyping. Producers told Cho at different times during production both that she was “too Asian” and that she was “not Asian enough.” At one point during the course of the show, producers hired a coach to teach Cho how to “be more Asian.”

Kyle Massey (Rapper)
Kyle is 19 and works for the Disney channel. So in other words, expect to see him any number of shows, movies, and concerts churned out from the Disney boot camp. Remember- there was a time we hadn’t heard of Hannah Montana either.

Audrina Patridge (The Hills)
I don’t know what “The Hills” may be, but perhaps this picture will give some clue:

The Hills!

The 2010 cast gives you pause to reflect. Who could possibly make the 2011 cast? My money is on Ronald McDonald, your paperboy, and Mr. Blog.

11 Responses to “My Review of The New Cast of Dancing With The “Stars” September 2010. Ugh.”

  1. Allen Keyes August 31, 2010 at 4:44 pm #

    Seeing that lineup makes me wish it was a typo and the real name of the show was “Dancing With the Stars…..Corpses”

    For what it’s worth, my money is on Mr. Situation and Jennifer Grey’s nosejob to make it to the finals. Haslehoff will be the first to go. Not even the combined efforts of Kit and Car could make him move fast enough.

    Like

    • bmj2k August 31, 2010 at 5:25 pm #

      With the current zombie craze I’m sure that show will be on somewhere soon.

      Like

      • JRD Skinner August 31, 2010 at 8:55 pm #

        Undead Richard Dawson would pummel these folks. Wait – is he still alive? One way or another, he’s ripe to take the show by storm.

        Like

        • bmj2k August 31, 2010 at 9:10 pm #

          Are we talking about the kissy kissy Dawson from Family Feud or the backstage egotistical misery everyone hated on Match Game? Either one would be a terrifying zombie.

          Like

      • Thomas Stazyk August 31, 2010 at 9:23 pm #

        Or the schmooz he played in Running Man?

        Like

      • JRD Skinner September 1, 2010 at 4:15 pm #

        I vote for a little of all of the above, really. That’s three more dimensions of personality than most of the other contestants at least.

        Like

  2. TexasTrailerParkTrash August 31, 2010 at 4:53 pm #

    Margaret Cho’s t.v. show wasn’t too bad, but as usual, the “suits” ruined it.

    I think her stand-up routine about her mother being in charge of the gay porn at her parents’ bookstore in San Francisco was a classic. (“Ass-master?”)

    If you haven’t seen it you can view it here:

    Like

    • bmj2k August 31, 2010 at 5:22 pm #

      The “suits” ruin everything they touch, but her show was destined to be screwed with no matter how funny it was. It didn’t fit any traditional demographic.

      Like

  3. Thomas Stazyk August 31, 2010 at 7:28 pm #

    Thank you for warning me about this!

    Like

  4. Janece September 2, 2010 at 2:16 pm #

    I just can’t bring myself to watch “DWTS.” This thing has devolved into the Parade of Has-Beens, Wannabes, and Never-Was for so-called “celebrities”. I didn’t realize Kate Gosselin’s spectacularly public example of how-not-to-be-a-parent qualified her as a celebrity. Maybe child exploitation isn’t as bad as I thought. This show’s become the “National Enquirer” of TV. If you’re famous for no good reason, then they want you!! No class, taste or integrity required! Sign up today!

    Like

    • bmj2k September 2, 2010 at 4:24 pm #

      One definition of “star” is “someone you would pay to see.” Does anyone here fit that description?

      Like

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