August 29, 2013
Damn you Allan Keyes! You screwed me again! I ask you, Dear Reader, was there a new Fun With Teh Internets this week? No there was not. And in the Sneak Peek of the Week I promised he’d be back. Damn you Allan Keyes! and worse, I don’t know what to write. So it is back to the list of for-real, real deal, strange but true writing prompts used by schools around the country.
In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line. (NYU, 2009)
The year: 2050. From out of space comes a runaway planet, hurtling between the Earth and the Moon, unleashing cosmic destruction! Man’s civilization is cast in ruin! Two thousand years later, Earth is reborn. A strange new world rises from the old: a world of savagery, super science and sorcery. But one man bursts his bonds to fight for justice! With his companions Ookla the Mok and Princess Ariel, he pits his strength, his courage, and his fabulous Sunsword against the forces of evil. He is Thundarr, the Barbarian!
Yes! I AM THUNDARR THE BARBARIAN! And before you call shenanigans, I must point out that this movie will be made in the future, in 2050. Who are you to say that this will not happen? By 2050, Thundarr the Barbarian will be a historical documentary. And I WILL BE THUNDARR!
July 3, 2013
The Lone Ranger Movie starring Johnny Depp as Tonto and, in a very ironic twist, a wooden cigar store Indian as The Lone Ranger opens this week. As I predicted- and so did anyone else who saw the horrible trailer- the film is getting lame reviews. They range from “bad” to “good film to see if you are drunk.” For the millions of movie goers whoa re poised to ignore this movie and go see Despicable Me 2 this weekend, I present the little seen Lone Ranger cartoon from 1930. It is black and white, it is silent, and it is almost 2 and a half hours shorter than the lousy film opening this weekend.
Next, here is the not-quite-but-almost as little seen Lone Ranger cartoon from 1966.
Notice something? In neither cartoon does Tonto wear a dead bird on his head. I’m just saying…
May 24, 2012
Allan Keyes is back once again to point out some of the more interesting aspects of Japanese culture.
While in Japan, I resolved to watch a lot of the local television, so as to get a better sense of daily life there. Being the lazy, anti-social couch potato that I am, this was a fine plan. One of the things I was keen to watch was some run of the mill anime. I don’t mean the stuff that we all know here, like Gundam or Sailor Moon or Naruto or One Piece –I was looking for the general filler that runs there but doesn’t cross over big. Think of our Saturday morning cartoons – I wanted to see the Anime equivalent of these:
And shockingly enough….I really wasn’t disappointed. Most of what I watched involved fights between various high school heroes, mechas or space soldiers. Meh. I can see that anywhere. But there was one program that really kept my attention. It was moody and kind of creepy. From what I was able to discern at the time, the plot went something like this: Generic high school guy notices the girl next to him in class asleep at her desk. At day’s end, she wakes up and leaves a small puddle of drool on the desk in her wake. So like any normal kid, the guy…..decides to take a taste. Of her drool. Left on her desk. Hooooooooookay. Well, the kid gets sick as you would’ve expected, but instead of Hep C or mono, he starts suffering withdrawal symptoms. If he doesn’t taste this girls’ drool every day, he gets sick. As the story progresses, they seem to share a “drool bond”, where they can sense each other’s emotions through mutual (and clinical) tasting of each other’s drool. And there’s even more strangeness with hidden scissors that I won’t go into, since I couldn’t adequately explain.
I spent a few days online trying to find out more about this strange show, and I finally found the title: “Mysterious Girlfriend X” – isn’t that a perfectly Japanese title? God knows what kind of wacky title a show like that would have if it was created here – Swappin’ Spit perhaps, or maybe Drooliver’s Travels? (Ok, I admit I’d watch a show with THAT title). Turns out that the anime is based on a popular manga, thereby proving that a large segment of Japan has serious saliva issues
Because this is really not cool: