Tag Archives: Mr. Know-It-All

From the Mr. BTaRchives

6 May

May 6, 2014

This blog has been on WordPress since 2009. It has been around a lot longer than that, but you had to be on MySpace to see it, and we all know what happened with that site. So when everyone upped and moved out of MySpace one day, leaving me all alone (“Hey, where’d everyone go? Huh? What’s a “Facebook”?) I moved most of my old posts over to WordPress and continued on.

But while the posts were the same, the look was not. Although I didn’t keep any screencaps, I found a lot of old images of the blog on the Internet Archives site. Here is a smattering of the old looks of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride.

1btrnov2009

Here we are, back in November of 2009, and I love the white text on a black background. However, I got a few complaints that it was hard to read so that didn’t last long. There are a few things worth mentioning here. First, the header. I took that picture myself in Coney Island. Since then, Astroland has been sold and the rocket has gone with it. If you go there today the burger boy is still there, but the rocket is long gone. The header also features one of my old taglines, “It is what it is.” We’ll see some more tags later on. That page also features my old bio, before the current one written by Mac of BIOnighT.

 2btrfeb2010

This is from February 2010. The black background is gone and you can see a little more of the Coney Island header. (There is much more to that image, still unseen.) I liked this theme because it leaves the header image clean. The sidebar has one of my favorite “raves,” from Jim at relicradio.com.

3btrapr2010

This is April 2010 and we’ve gone to a more modern header. In fact, I’m currently using a variation of that header right now. Do you see the grammatical error in this one? It isn’t really an error. At the time this was made, the software didn’t support apostrophes. I figured it looked good and no one would notice. The tag has also changed, to “some guy’s idea of fun,” which I still think sums this blog up.

4btrjune2010

June 2010 and we’re starting to look familiar. I changed to the current theme, but I’m using one of the generic WordPress color schemes. The tag has changed once more, to “Based on the novel “Mr. Blog” by Sapphire,” which is making me chuckle as I type but may be too dated to reuse.

5btraug2010

August of 2010 brought a new tag (“A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist. Wait- that’s Knight Rider.”) as well as a new “rave,” from the multi-talented JRD Skinner of flashpulp.com. He picked right up on my Superman obsession. There is also a “contact me!” link, which today can be found at the bottom of the “About me” page. I have to warn you, though- now, as then, I never check that email. All I ever get is spam about people wanting me to run their ads.

6btrjan2011

January of 2011 and I’ve changed to the green color scheme, which won’t last long. The tag has also changed to something close to my current tag. The header image is the first of a few city scenes and highway signs I’ve used over the years. This version of the blog added a few new pages, including the Scrappers page which is mercifully long gone. I added the Invisible Man founder image, and it popped up once or twice more over the years. I also wasted a lot of space with more “raves,” none of which appear on the blog anymore due to, quite honestly, my embarrassment. This particular Conway Twitty post still gets a ton of hits and the occasional angry comment.

7btrapr2011

In April 2011 I added the custom background which looks a lot better now than it does here. It still isn’t quite finished yet, but this is close to the way the blog currently looks. The founder is gone, replaced by my teaser (and I still love that ad) for the return of Mr. Know-It-All.

8btraprlate2011

Here we are. I added the sidebars, and there’s my Conrad Bain plaque. (Why? Why not?) You can also see an early version of the long running city header, which ran for longer than any other image.

There have been some other changes along the way, including a ton of American Chopper headers, and the Tepid Zombie header, which I still dust off when appropriate.

zombie-header

By the way, here’s the full Coney Island rocket header:

16_astroland_rocketBMJ2K

The graffiti on the windows is my addition, but the rest of the building looks the same if you go there today, except for the rocket.

The blog hasn’t changed much in the last three years. The tag changed yet again, and there are some other small alterations. The site is due for another change, but no matter what, I promise not to go back to the white letters on black background.

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HOW TO MAKE ANYONE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!!! Not a pill! Not a drug!

27 Jan

January 27, 2014

A couple of second graders in Boston had some free time on their hands and they wrote a list of steps to falling in love. Although they had 24 slots, they ended the list at 13. Either they ran out of time or 13 is all you need, I don’t know. Maybe the missing 11 steps are for the divorce.

love list

Also missing are steps 7 and 9, but I think that just adds to the mystery and mystique of love! The kids’ steps are in black, my commentary is in red.

1. First you stare at the person. DO NOT do this on the subway. This will get you arrested and/or sprayed with mace.

2. You get close to each other. But not too close! See step one above.

3. You ask for a date. Ok.

4. You go in bed and do sex. Number four, like the others on the list, is singular, so I guess that after step three, asking for a date, you were turned down, so you go to bed and masturbate.

5. When you kiss you suck and lick. These are some advanced second-graders!

6. Get nacked [sic] in bed and do more sex. Wow, you must be an animal!

7.

8. Go dance and put your noses together. Um, what?

9.

10. You go in bed forever Then kiss forever. “Forever? Forever ever?”

(I was hoping I could find this clip!)

11. Take a shower together and kiss. Um, I thought we were already kissing forever?

12. Give each other rings. Sounds like every judge show ever.

13. Go to the pool together. Ah, yes, the most important step in any relationship, go to the pool together. What the what now?

It works every time!

It works every time!

So there you go, follow those 24 um, 13, um 11 steps and you too will find true love and happiness!

.

.

Occupy Mr. Blog

16 May

May 16, 2012

You hear a lot nowadays about the 99% and the 1%. Frankly, screw them both. You know who I care about? The 0.0000000001%. Or thereabouts. More or less. (Pick whichever phrase you prefer.) You know who the 0.0000000001% is? Me. Hey! Don’t do the math, I’m sure it’s right, take my word for it. What do you mean by that? Look, if it isn’t right I don’t care, I’m just trying to make a point. This is all about me so stuff your fancy mathematics and your big city “ar-ith-a-ma-tic” right where your cosine meets your tangent.

So where am I going with this? Stop rushing me. If you don’t like this blog here’s the link to Ask the Rabbi http://www.aish.com/atr/ maybe he’ll give a kugle about you.

You know what? I’ve had about enough of you. Take your stupid math-doing face and get out of here. Maybe tomorrow you’ll know your place and I’ll feel like writing a blog for you, you entitled piece of trash. You blew it, tough guy. And stay off my lawn!

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