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NEWSFLASH! Volcano Erupts, Sinks Gilligan’s Island

26 May

May 26, 2015

Here’s a news story you may have missed:

Howell fortune

Here’s the text:

VOLCANO ERUPTS, SINKS GILLIGAN’S ISLAND
Thurston Howell III Fortune Feared Lost

AP News Service May 5th, 1981

A volcanic eruption which sunk a small South Pacific island may also have sunk the fortunes of one of America’s most celebrated millionaires.

After weeks of oceanic tremors, scientists confirm that a volcano erupted on the island of Palu Makalu, popularly known as “Gilligan’s Island” since the discovery and rescue of the survivors of the S.S. Minnow shipwreck in 1978. The island is now submerged in the depths off the continental shelf.

Among the survivors was eccentric millionaire Thurston Howell III, who made his fortune in the stock market in the post-war era. He later founded Howell Industries, which produced everything from ticker-tape to typewriter ribbons. Although profits had been declining in later years, due to the changing of technology, he recently doubled his assets after winning a bet on the Harlem Globetrotters to beat their robotic duplicates, in a match played at his resort on the island.

A spokesman for Mr. Howell released the following statement:

“The rumors of the loss of the Howell fortune are greatly exaggerated. When the island sank, it took with it 55 trunks of cash and bonds, which Thurston Howell III buried on the island to keep it safely away from the constant misadventures of Gilligan. However, Mr. Howell has invested heavily in new technologies, and we are confident that his acquisition of controlling interest in Betamax tape and 8-track cartridge corporations will position Howell Industries for future success in the 80’s and beyond.”

The other castaways, reacting to the loss of their island home of 14 years, universally blamed Gilligan for causing the eruption with one of his silly blunders.

In a related story, scientists say the Palu Makalu tribe of native headhunters may now be extinct.

H.G. Wells was a blogger.

19 Sep

September 19, 2014

Long time readers (those of you that are still mentally stable) many recall this image which used to grace the sidebar of this blog.

 founder

Here’s an example.

 6btrjan2011

While H.G. Wells may not have been a blogger, he knew them intimately. He knew the psyche of the type of person who wrote cranky letters to the editors of scientific journals. Or maybe just wrote mean letters to the local penny press. Who is more invisible than the anonymous blogger? Like the Invisible Man, the anonymous blogger blows up institutions, metaphorically. He uses words but the effect is the same. What put this into perspective was one of those internet “Which character are you?” quizzes. This one used Universal horror monsters (Dracula, Frankenstein’s monster, the Wolfman, The Invisible Man, etc.) I took the quiz and got The Invisible Man, and the accompanying graphic put it all in focus.

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That sums up bloggers in my book. Of course, the “genius-level smart” and “extraordinarily clever” parts may exist only the blogger’s minds, but I say the “kind of a dick” part is right on the mark.

Take it from a blogger.

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