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Imponderable #121: A Parking Lot in Yelm, Washington

22 Apr

April 22, 2014

 

In the Spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. – Alfred Lord Tennyson 

All human males were as fascinated with cars as they were with breasts. – Anita Clenney 

You don’t know the half of it. – Mr. Blog.

 

car 1

 

*Sigh*  Aren’t you glad you subscribe to this blog?

Anyway, this really is a touching story, somehow, I think. Consider other tales of man/car love: Michael Knight and KITT, Al Bundy and his Dodge, the Duke boys and the General Lee. In not one of those cases did the car reciprocate. Bo and Luke never got flowers from their car, no matter how nicely they polished the bumpers. But this guy? “When I hold Vanilla [his special lovemobile] in my arms there’s a powerful energy that comes from her in response to that…” Really? Somehow I doubt that. Personally, I think he’s inhaled too much exhaust.

How will Cinnamon and Splash, his spurned lovers, deal with this?
The question is Imponderable.

 

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Hollywood Russell and the Hotel Hustle, Part One

27 Mar

March 27, 2014

hotel hustle

The beach was windy and cold, but more importantly for Hollywood Russell’s bank account, it was off-season. The beach was part of Brigantine Island, just a short hop from Atlantic City, and if you had a car and a mind to do so, you could drive around the perimeter of the island, see the sights, and be back where you started in about fifteen minutes.

Hollywood had been promising Stella Warren, his current not-a-girlfriend, a trip to Atlantic City for what Stella said had been months. Hollywood was sure he had mentioned it off-hand once, and only once (and while distracted by a case, at that) but a promise was a promise and in a P.I.’s line of work, it was important to keep promises. However, for Hollywood Russell, work always came first, and what he was hoping would come next would be a case where he could somehow put this trip to the capital gaming capitol on his expense account. But all of his recent cases were local and Stella was about ready to walk out on him, hence this off-season escape to the shore.

The Brigantine Hotel had seen better days, and Hollywood suspected that those days were around the 1890’s. It was a very tall building, easily the tallest building on the island, and impossible to miss since the rest of the buildings topped out at two stories. Add the fact that this pocket skyscraper was right on the beach, literally, with no other buildings even close, and you had a hotel that screamed “late night horror movie.”

brigantine 2

Sand from the beach had blown all over the parking lot, the front steps, and into the lobby. Water from large waves came all the way up and into the back entrance. While Stella oohed and ahhed over the location, Hollywood wondered what kept the hotel from sinking into the ground.

The vacationing detective got their bags from the trunk while Stella turned up her collar against the wind. “It’s too cold out here!” Hollywood grunted something about wearing more clothes and less makeup and led her through the front door.

There was no one there.

 

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To Be Continued

 

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Imponderable #120: The Sewers of Lawton, Oklahoma

20 Mar

March 20, 2014

In these tough economic times, every penny counts. And if that penny happens to be a 20 dollar bill, then it counts 2000 times. So when a man in Lawton, Oklahoma, dropped $20, it was entirely logical that he would want to get it back, even if it meant that he had to climb down a storm drain to get it. That’s where the story starts to get good.

sewer

I’ve never been in a storm drain. In fact, ever since I saw Pennywise in It (when you’re dead you’ll float!) I make sure to stay far, far away from sewer drains. My other experience regarding sewers comes from the movie Them!

 

So if I dropped $20 into a storm drain, would I go after it? No way, Jose. The water in those drainage pipes? It isn’t exactly clean. There’s a reason that Lawton man came out of water-filled sewer system disoriented and dehydrated. If that was the NYC sewer system, he’d also be covered in boils and CHUD bites.

If you dropped $20 into a storm drain, what would you do?

 

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