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Two Minutes in Canada

25 Jul

July 25, 2014

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Americans have always looked towards Canada with fear and mistrust. But all that worry really just hides our own national insecurity. If Canada is America’s funny hat, what does it say about us? Why would we, as a nation, wear such a hat? Is America hiding a bald spot? Is it a hipster?

Fear not, Americans, the good ol’ US of A still has a full head of hair. It turns out that Canada is more than just a geographic chapeau; it has a rich history all its own, one that many of us who live under the Canadian brim are not aware of.

Being so far north, Canada has more than its share of hardships: Ice, snow, even many people who speak French. And worst of all, despite being so far north, Santa Claus shows it no special treatment and usually delivers Canadian presents last, on his way back to the North Pole.

But what do we learn about Canada in school? Fur trading. Canada has a lot of fur traders. At least it did back when the text books took place.

First, Americans traded with the Native American Indian* trappers.
Then, they traded with French fur traders.
December 10, 1984: New York Mets traded Hubie Brooks to the Montreal Expos for Gary Carter.

*Notice they don’t call them “Native Canadian Indians.”

Why was there so much trapping in Canada? Beavers. There were so many beaver dams in Canada that in 1833, official records show that a full 63% of Canada was underwater.

FUN FACT: The Montreal Expos were named after the expo, a small burrowing mammal hunted to extinction by French fur traders.

 

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Lying Awake with John Newly

24 Jul

July 24, 2014

Good morning everyone, it’s 3:05 in the am and you’re listening to Lying Awake with John Newly on 463 AM WKAT The Kat. I’m John Newly and coming up this hour, I’ll be talking to Dr. Roger Steadman about his new book, The Undersea Reptoid Kingdom, all about the intelligent inhabitants of the world’s hidden ocean cities, this ought to be good. But first I’ll be taking your phone calls at 1-800-467-WKAT right after these messages.

Commercial airs for a conspiracy theory DVD- Did Kennedy Kill the Dinosaurs?

Promo airs for WKAT morning show, Wake Up With Julia.

And we’re back! I’m John Newly and Mickey from Atlanta Georgia, you’re up first on Lying Awake.

-Hello?

Hello Mickey, what’s on your mind?

-Um yeah, I want to talk to John Newly?

I’m John, go ahead.

-Oh, uh, wow, yeah, hi. My name is Mickey and I’m calling from Atlanta, in the South.

What do you want to talk about Mickey?

-Uh, I’m kind of nervous, (nervous laughter). I’ve never been on the radio before.

That’s OK Mickey, but you’re running out of time.

-Oh, sorry, well, last week, me and my friend Neil and me, we saw a UFO over my house. It was like, really big.

What did it look like?

-It was really big and had lights on it, and we both watched it and I said to Neil that maybe he should call his sister, she’s a cop, but Neil said that he didn’t have his phone. I didn’t have mine either I left it inside by the pizza or I would have gotten pictures.

Wow, so how long did you watch this UFO? What did it do?

-We watched it for awhile, then it just flew over the house and I didn’t see where it was going because it was behind the house.

That’s amazing. Thanks Mickey. Let’s go to our next caller, Dan, on our international line. Dan, where are you calling from?

-I’m calling from an island, that’s all I want to say, I don’t like to reveal too much.

Fair enough Dan. These days you can’t be too careful.

-Yeah, this guest you have on later, about the reptoids? Make sure you ask him if Obama is a reptoid, he’s kinda got those reptoid features, you know?

I’ve heard those rumors too Dan. That sure would be something. It’s 3:16 in the am on 463 AM WKAT The Kat and we’ll be back with more of your calls after this.

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The Sunday Seen That: 7/6/14

6 Jul

July 6, 2014

Since I cut back on the blog, the Sneak Peek of the Week has been the biggest casualty. Miss it? Nah. Since I have no clue what’s coming next, or when it’s coming, it would be pretty silly to continue it.

SNEAK PEEK OF THE WEEK OF JULY 6th, 2014

Monday: ?
Tuesday: ?
Wednesday: ?
Thursday: ?
Friday: ?
Saturday: ?

And now imagine that same Sneak Peek every single week.

But this is the summer, people are away, and even the most loyal of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Readers may have missed some recent posts. So I thought this might be a nice time to recap some of the more interesting things that I’ve posted here in the past few months.snoopy

Like some short fiction?

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In the mood for some Picture Postcards?

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Feeling Imponderable? (Yeah, me too.)

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Pop culture has also caught my eye. First, my usual targets- TV and movies.

Real world pop culture has given me a lot to yell about too. Hipsters? Grrr, hate them!

 

But have no fear! I can still give you a little bit of a Sneak Peek! Coming in the near future will be a brand new New York Minute, and a sequel to Mumbles Mumbai Meets Sleepy Bhopal. I am NEVER returning to that restaurant, and you’ll see why soon.

 

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