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Did I Slip Into The Twilight Zone?

25 Jan

January 25, 2014

I was hospitalized for a short time this week. Nothing serious, but I had to stay for two nights. I was in a room with another man, who had the bed nearest the door. I was nearest the window and the curtains were drawn between us, meaning that I couldn’t see what happened on the other side of the room.

It was getting late, around 11:30. The room was dark but we were both awake watching TV. I couldn’t see the events I am about to relate, but this is what I heard.

NURSE: You can’t go in there.
OLD SOUNDING WOMAN: Why not?
NURSE: That’s a room for men. You can’t go in.
OLD SOUNDING WOMAN: Why not?
NURSE: Would you like some men walking into your room?
OLD SOUNDING WOMAN: Are they alive or dead?

There was a long pause, after which the nurse, in a slightly shaky voice, said “They’re alive.”

I heard nothing else from either of them after that, and no one came into the room, so that was the end of the story.

Did I manage to avoid the Angel of Death? Was I saved from a trip to the morgue like in the Twilight Zone? Or was there just a slightly demented old woman wandering around my wing of the hospital that night?

I slept a little less easily that evening.

tzone

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I Even Found The Count on eBay!

18 Jan

January 18, 2015

Ebay, you gotta love it. Want to find a broken video game? They’ve got it. The last card you need to complete your Dukes of Hazzard trading card set? It’s there. A rare Etruscan nose snood? Oh, sure. And then there’s this:

Dracula Gilbert listing

Hey look at that! A Dracula figure. Sweet.

Wait, is that Dracula? Let’s take a closer look.

Dracula Gilbert

That’s not Dracula, that’s Gilbert Gottfried!

Gilbert by two

Dracula Gottfried! This is so cool! I always wanted a Count Gilbert figure ever since he made his first appearance many years ago on the Howard Stern Show!

Dracula Gottfried

 

 

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Lying Awake With John Newly: Cavemen and Coffee

5 Jan

January 5, 2014

Announcer: And we’re back with more Lying Awake with John Newly!

That’s right, we’re back, and I urge all of my faithful listeners to call 1-888-555-FILK. If you want to project your astral self across the internet, they’ll teach you how to do it for only $49.99. I know a lot of the members of the Night Hoots forum have already done so; those are some fiercely loyal listeners.

Let’s get back to our discussion. We’re talking Sasquatch with Doctor Hiram Mears. Doctor, before the break, you were about to tell us what you learned on your recent trip to Seattle Washington. Did you drink a lot of coffee in Seattle?

-Well, no, not really. I was out in the woods and we didn’t want any unfamiliar scents to scare the Sasquatch.

You didn’t want to tip them off you were there?

-No, no. We wanted to see them in their natural environment.

I bet those creatures don’t drink much coffee!

-Umm, I’d suspect not.

Cryptozoology in action!

Cryptozoology in action!

So tell me, how do the Sasquatch live in the wild?

- The popular misconception about these creatures is that they live in caves when really there aren’t even any caves in the area I observed them in.

Wow, no caves. So they aren’t some species of prehistoric cavemen that somehow lived into the modern age?

-Oh no, no, in fact-

So no big wooden clubs for them, knocking each other over the head?

-Um, well, if you’re taking about tool use, then I’ve discovered evidence that Sasquatch is a rather advanced tool user.

We’re talking with Doctor Hiram Mears and Doctor, I’ve got this image in my head of a hairy Fred Flintstone. Is that accurate? But Fred was kind of short, wasn’t he? And Sasquatch is tall. Or is that Barney Rubble I’m thinking of?

-I can’t really say, I’m not big on cartoons.

Captain Caveman, that was another one. Do you think Captain Caveman was based on Sasquatch?

-Uh…

He had a club too as I recall. And he could fly. If Sasquatch can fly, that would clear up a lot of the mystery around him.

-Well… I guess, but he probably can’t. There’s no evidence that–

Wow, that’s fascinating. We’ll be back, right after these words.

 

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