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Another Example of Do-Nothing Government

23 May

May 23, 2013

What am I paying taxes for if not to get my local streets fixed and properly repaired? If I lived in England I would be very upset.

vor1

This is an egregious breach of the public trust. This could be bad- very bad. ANYTHING could come through that portal- Roman Centurions, anal-probing aliens from Betelgeuse, even an other-dimensional Kanye West where he is pregnant with Kim Kardashian’s baby. Frankly, I can’t have that.

And the snake? Is no one else concerned that it could be Jörmungandr, the Midgard Serpent of Norse mythology whose final battle with Thor will be fought at Ragnarök? This could be the end, ladies and gentlemen. You may be reading the last installment of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride and, indeed, everything else as well.

So I say goodbye, internet public. Goodbye world. So long to all that I have known. This vortex is going to be the end of us all.

And the local Brighton officials will have no one else to blame when the pregnant Kanye West comes after them.

 

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Words of Inspiration and Solace

9 May

May 9, 2013

I’ve been having a rough time lately. Sometimes it seems like everything I do is wrong, like everyone is against me. It is at times like these that I think back and rely on a bit of wisdom handed down through my family. I draw solace from its words, inspiration from its meaning.

You can’t ride a wet horse to Germany.

That old adage comes from MAD Magazine and never have truer words been spoken by Alfred E. Neuman.

I feel better just for having shared.

And now, Dave Berg’s The Lighter Side.

berg

Imponderable #92: At The Carnival

3 May

May 3, 2013

dozen-19-hot-peppersHello my friendz, my name ez Senor Chili Pepper. I wantta tell you the sad story of how I lost my good good friend, Ganjabanana.

It ez not eazy being a carnival prize. You hang on a hook, filled with cheap stuffing, sometimez bugs too. Then one day maybe a leetel boy win you by tossing a golf ball into a goldfish bowl. Maybe a man win you az a prize for hees girl. Or maybe you get to go home with some schmuck with lousy tattoos and a gambling addiction.

Lezten to my story!

 

4858119409_b044274cca_oWHY deed you have to geeve away my friend??? Ganjabanana was my only friend! Now I hang here on the hook, drying out and letting wasps nest een my hat.

Why deed that jerk spend over $2,000 on a $200 videogame?

The question eez Imponderable.

 

But it probably went something like this:

carny_640

 

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