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I’m Worried About Pete Rose

16 Apr

April 16, 2015

Here’s the increasingly doughy Pete Rose in his latest commercial.

I’m worried. Why can’t Pete be in the hall? Is he going to get lost? Wander upstairs? Get attacked by ninjas?

Is he going to get confused by all that white carpet? Take batting practice and break a lamp? Slip into the Twilight Zone?

OK, before you start thinking I don’t get it, I know very well that it is a play on Pete not being allowed in the Hall of Fame. (And rightly so. That’s what he gets for picking a fight with Bud Harrelson in the 73 NLCS.) But this commercial is so stupid! He’s not allowed in the hallway in his own home?

Is this an indication that Pete has dementia? Early onset Alzheimer’s? Does Pete need constant supervision? Is Pete liable to end up lost in the backyard?

I’m worried about Pete Rose.

Take Me Out To The Ballgame And Away From Here (AKA Tawkin’ Baseball)

7 Apr

April 7, 2015

Opening Day at the ballpark! Oh yeah, peanuts and popcorn, and sushi… and overpriced souvenirs… and obstructed view seats, and umpires who can’t call a strike and million dollar players who can’t hustle down to first and cleanup hitters who go 0-4 with 3 strikeouts and a popup and is that what I paid a week’s salary for 4 tickets to see? IS IT?

But I digress.

Today was Opening Day for the New York teams. The Yankees opened first (their motto: miss the days of big spending, dontcha?) and the Mets played later that day (their motto: we can’t afford a motto). The Yankee game was on the TV in the cafeteria at the Company I Am employed by, for now, and not everyone was that big a baseball fan, or a fan at all, but out of the dozen or so people watching the game, one superfan stood out.

Of course, she stood out more for her ridiculous hair ribbons than any knowledge of the game. She was wearing more, and brighter, hair ribbons than you would expect of a woman even three or four decades younger. The thing about her was, you could always look away from her ridiculous head (and her face was no prize either) but there was no getting away from her loud New Yawk accent.

“Are those the New Yawk Yankees?” (Gestures to the TV.) “When do they show the Mets? They play too ya know!”

It made me very proud that my company hires the senile.

“That’s Alex Rod-Ri-Guez.” (In a lower, conspiratorial tone.) “He’s a bad boy.”

“My son took me to Shea Stadium once. He had to pay an arm and a leg to park his car ya know.”

“The Mets wear pinstripes too but does anybody tawk about that?”

Only the fact that the Yankees were losing made this bearable. After a few more proclamations (to who? I don’t know. It was never clear who she was talking to.) she got her lunch at the counter and left.

But I did learn a couple of things from her.

1- Her son played baseball in Little League.
2- Her son played baseball in Little League. (Yes, she said it twice, both times sounding as proud as a woman possibly could of her fully grown son who had paid an arm and a leg to park at Shea Stadium and who once played baseball in Little League.

For the record, the Yankees lost 6-1, and later that afternoon, the Mets won 3-1.

naked gun

What Enrico Pallazzo wants Enrico Pallazzo gets, see?


Late Night Movie House: A Montage of Santa Claus

22 Dec

December 22, 2014

christmas header

Let’s go back to 2011 for the first of four Christmas Classics this week! Enjoy!

From December 25, 2011

Please enjoy this presentation of selected Santa Claus appearances. Our first stop is Mexico from the 1959 film titled aptly, if not imaginatively, Santa Claus, which for some reason features Satan.

Back in the USA, here is the aptly, if not imaginatively, titled, Santa With Muscles, featuring noted thespian Hulk Hogan.


Want more wrestlers? Here is Rowdy Roddy Piper beating up Santa. (Actually, that is the legendary Bobby “the Brain” Heenan under the beard. You didn’t really think that was Santa, did you?)

And in this next clip, Santa gets into the squared circle to drop the rock bottom on some punk-ass jabroni. (“Xanta Klaus” from the South Pole. You can’t believe this stuff unless you see it for yourself.)



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