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Lying Awake With John Newly: The 4th Hour

22 Nov

November 22, 2014

And that’s the news at 3:05 am. Stay tuned for the fourth hour of Lying Awake with John Newly.

Promo for the WKAT listener sweepstakes- “if we pick your cat’s name from our giant listener litter box, you’ll win a KAT Cat Hat! Offer void in the continental United States.”

Strange sci-fi Theremin music swells, announcer with unusually deep voice and a slight lisp speaks.

Lying Awake with John Newly airs six nights a week from midnight to six am. Callers are welcome on the studio line, 1-800-463-WKAT, the international line by calling overseas operator 27, or tonight’s “That Chupacabra ate my pants!” hotline, 1-800-NoMoPants. And now, here’s John Newly.

Music fades out, show begins.

Ghosts, witches, and bagels, we’ve covered it all here tonight. Welcome back to Lying Awake with John Newly. That’s me by the way, John Newly, and if you’ve ever wanted to meet me in person, you can see my tour schedule on the Lying Awake website. My producer Fast Eddie makes sure to keep that up to date. Next week, I’ll be in the Main Street Reading Room in Tombstone Arizona reading an excerpt of my new book, The Devil’s Hidden Chakra. Tombstone Arizona, is that right, Fast Eddie? Tombstone? (Inaudible off mic.) I hope there are still people living there! I’d hate to be all alone in a ghost town! Meanwhile, we’ve been speaking with Doctor Lazarus P. Brookstone on all kinds of topics, he’s a self-proclaimed “Mr. Know-It-All Who Knows It All.” We’ll continue our discussion next.

Commercial for DVD- Where Will You Be When The Moon Explodes? How to protect your financial assets from the coming lunar apocalypse.

Commercial for local politician Brad Fergus, advocating higher taxes on everything.

We’re back and before the break, I was asking Doctor Lazarus P. Brookstone what he knows about UFO’s. Doctor?

- I know a lot, actually.

What can you tell us?

-What would you like to know? (Laughs.)

Are UFO’s real?

Plan9_3

-Yes.

Yes? They do exist? Flying saucers, aliens, the whole thing?

-Yes, the whole thing and even more!

Simply fascinating. Amazing! Have you seen a UFO?

-Of course! I’ve ridden in them too!

That’s been a dream of mine, and probably of all my listeners out there. I’ve always dreamed about riding in a UFO, but I don’t want to get probed! Do they really do that?

-Yes, but it isn’t really what people think it is.

(Laughing) So it’s not an anal probe, that’s a relief.

-No, no, it is an anal probe.

Hmmm, maybe I’ll rethink that trip! (Laughter.)

-If the aliens want to anal probe you, they’ll anal probe you if you’re on the UFO or not.

Wow, that’s something to think about, isn’t it? We’ll be right back.

 

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Today in History: November 10th, 28,000,000 B.C.

10 Nov

November 10, 2014

Today in History: November 10th, 28,000,000 B.C.

It was kind of rainy but the fishing was great. You should have been there.

mosasaurus-1

 

 

 

This Week On Lying Awake With John Newly

2 Nov

November 2, 2014

And we’re back. It’s 2:45 and this hour we’ve been talking with Chet Humpty from the Oregon Association of Junior Transdimensionalists. Amazing stuff.

I want you all to know that the new Lying Awake newsletter is out, Lying In Print. In it, you can read about all of the hot topics we’ve covered on the show. In this issue, is ISIS behind Ebola? A pair of former NASA whistleblowers debate whether or not there are there fish on the moon. Could you be invisible to radar? Just imagine what you could do. My producer Fast Eddie asks “is your DNA safe?” and gets some surprising answers, and in my monthly column, Newly News, I reveal the ten secrets to using crystals to housebreak your chupacabra.

We’ll continue our conversation with Chet Humpty but first, here’s what’s coming up next week on Lying Awake.

conspiracy-theorist

On Sunday night, guest host Wink Martell will be joined by Sgt. Ramon Raquello, a pilot in the Bolivian air force, to discuss his fifteen year study of migrating salmon.

On Monday, I’ll be hosting a night of open lines. I’ll be taking calls on my special “ghost mother” hotline. If you have a ghost mother, call in and tell us your story.

Tuesday’s topic will be “I have Ebola but my wife doesn’t know it!” Call in if you’re hiding the Ebola virus from a loved one.

On Wednesday I’ll play “Name That Cough!” Every ten minutes, a past guest will call in and I’ll try to identify them from their unique coughs. Last time we played I couldn’t identify anybody! I’ll try to do better this time. My producer, Fast Eddie, wants me to assure you that their coughs have nothing to do with Tuesday night’s Ebola topic.

Thursday night I’ll have in the studio three old hippies from Woodstock to tell us what it was like back then.

Friday night is the return of our always popular Bigfoot Bingo. Download your very own Bigfoot Bingo card from the Lying Awake website and play along at home.

On Saturday, guest host Sgt. Ramon Raquello, a pilot in the Bolivian air force, will be here to talk to previous guest host Wink Martell.

You know, sometimes I wish I was a listener at home so I could just lay back in bed and listen to these great shows I’ve got coming up. But then I realize that there would be no one to do the shows! If only Strickland Von Weir was right. I had him on last week and he said that I have a doppelgänger who flips burgers at a Gooey Burger in Mobile Alabama. I could get him to do the show while I stay home and listen. Problem is, they’d have to find someone else to flip the burgers! Hmm, maybe a second doppelgänger? That would blow my mind.

We’ll be back right after this word from Nebulous Enterprises.

 

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