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The Bigfoot Lady. You Expect Us To Believe This?

26 Jan

January 26, 2015

I listen to Coast to Coast AM on a fairly regular basis, at least when I am awake. I avoid a lot of the political and conspiracy topics and try to listen to the UFO and paranormal-themed shows.

Recently, guest host Dave Schrader (who is as bad an interviewer as George Noory- man, he lets his guests ramble! – but is far less unintentionally funny) interviewed a woman who moved into, and continued to live in, a home that was under constant Bigfoot attack.

Sound good? Here are some highlights.

  • When she and her husband first saw the house, it was full of holes. The walls, the roof, inside the stove, everywhere. There was some sort of damage (some of it the woman refused to describe) everywhere. It was extensive and the house needed a lot of repair. And still they bought it!
  • The damage was explained by the seller was coming from her foster children, some of whom had emotional issues.
  • The house was the last one in its row, in “a residential area,” yet was directly across from a “dark and creepy” forest.
  • Strange sounds came from the forest.
  • There were constant sounds of banging and scratching coming from her walls, as if animals were attacking the house.
  • She and her family heard “voices” and saw “peeping toms” outside their windows.
  • Her family’s vehicles were always found with the batteries drained. They believed that they were being used by strange people who lived in the woods and wanted warmth, yet the husband refused to lock the garage since “it was a nice neighborhood.”
  • The woods were, they believed at first, home to odd and dangerous people who lived like animals. Their “kids” (who she later said were 16 and 21!) would leave food in the woods in exchange for their safety.

And all this is before the Bigfoot even enter the story! Eventually she produced “proof”: tapes of alleged Bigfoot howls that could have been either a coyote or a garbage truck, and on the Coast website, a video that showed either a large duck or a small outhouse lurking across the street- seriously, it was a blob-like shadow that was on frame for about 2 seconds. There’s more “proof” on her website, which I won’t name, all of which is about as conclusive.

big_foot_out_house_by_brandtk-d4mh4jw

And then, in a moment of anguish, she emotionally wailed “I don’t understand why people say Bigfoot isn’t real! Don’t they see all this?” Well, no, all we see is a nut.

Is it fair of me to call her a nut? Decide after this.

She also believes Dog-men live in the woods across the street.

Of course, her neighbors saw nothing, and if you do believe in Bigfoot, her story goes against every other single story or account of Bigfoot ever published, so that not only is she making it all up, but she doesn’t even know what it is she’s making up.

So to recap, her house is regularly attacked by Bigfoot (Bigfeet?) who destroy her home, somehow drain the batteries of her cars, peep in her windows, bang on her walls, scare her at night with their talking, and demand food as tribute. They ripped apart the trees in her backyard and despite all the time they spend on her property, she hasn’t managed- or even tried- to snap a single picture of them.

I’m not sure how the Dog-men fit in, but I bet they are not housebroken.

Has she left?

No she has not. And it has been 3 years.

Her story got more and more ridiculous as the night went on, to the point that a caller did what callers very, very rarely ever do on Coast to Coast: He called the Bigfoot Lady out as a liar and a fraud simply making up a story to sell books (she has two).

Coast to Coast has many guests with outrageous stories, but most of the time, they believe them. They either fall for bad pseudo-science or misinterpret scriptures, or, like the case of Richard C. Hoagland, are just total gullible fools. Until recently, Hoagland was the show’s “scientific advisor.” I guess George Noory had to finally distance himself from that kook after he misidentified one too many Martian rocks as Nike sneakers.

I, and most listeners, get a kick out of those guests, but total liars just bring out the anger. No one likes to be played for a fool.

Which brings me to Dave Schrader. He has his own show, and he recently had this woman on that program. So either he buys her nonsense or simply puts her on for her entertainment value.

The woman still fears for her family, so much so that she has gotten to the point where she, well, does nothing about it.

Ah, late night radio.

Conclusion: New Year’s Eve in Brooklyn 2014/2015

12 Jan

 

January 12, 2014

At this point I realized that I could have made a fortune selling hot chocolate. I had given Saarah my hat to wear, and now not only was my head freezing but also my hands since I had no gloves. So I was forced to break into the emergency kit I keep in the trunk. I took out a stained and battered Mets cap (only in an emergency would I wear a Mets cap) and a pair of work gloves which had just under the maximum number of holes allowed so I could keep calling them gloves. One more hole and they would technically just be a bunch of loosely connected threads.

Other items in my emergency kit: Flashlight with dead batteries and a funnel.

Thus fortified, we waited until 9:15 and briskly walked back to the “party,” which was now threatening to maybe, possibly, start.

The DJ equipment was set up but the only music was coming from a CD player someone put on a chair next to the DJ equipment. The carousel had still not opened and showed no indications of opening, despite the icicle-laden folks hoping in vain to get in out of the cold. However, the tent was set up and it looked like something was happening.

And it was! Yes!

Two grumpy volunteers were handing out party favors from a pair of insanely small boxes. I was worried that even this tiny crowd may not all get favors so I checked- no other boxes stashed under the table and nothing stashed in the barricaded area with the CD player. I did a quick count- about 30 people on line, about 15 huddled and shivering near the carousel, and another 20 to 30 gathering around the music area where something was clearly and absolutely not going to happen anytime soon. But don’t worry, the volunteers were strictly rationing the party supplies. Each would-be reveler got their choice of either a party hat or a noisemaker. One only. And which one you got was not up to you, it was up whichever volunteer handed you something first. So if you brought your own party hat you may wind with another party hat despite only having one head. (And no party.)

Saarah and I each got hats, which was what we wanted. We took one last loop around the place to make sure we weren’t missing anything, and believe me, we had already had the full Coney Island party experience.

Our ball drop experience ended the same way the last one I went to did, so many years ago back in the 80’s, in the words of Bobby Brown from My Prerogative, “I made this money, you didn’t. Right Ted? We outta here.” So we left. (See Part 1)

There was a steady stream of cars leaving the parking lot with us.

Coney Island, I am very disappointed in you.

 

The End

The_Partys_Over_Title

 

 

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New Year’s Eve in Brooklyn 2014/2015 (Part 1)

8 Jan

January 8, 2015

The air was cold that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back cold soup in a deli. Or something, I don’t know, but it was freezing. New Years Eve was easily the coldest day of the winter up to that point. Many years ago I spent New Year’s Eve in Times Square and I vowed “bust it!” Hey, I told you, it was a long time ago and that was cutting edge hip hop for white people. I think what I really meant was, in the words of Bobby Brown from My Prerogative, “I made this money, you didn’t. Right Ted? We outta here.” Give me a break, it was the 80’s. The point is, I vowed never to spend another New Year like that again.

Anyway, that was my coldest New Year’s Eve until this one. This year, for the first time ever, Coney Island was hosting a New Year’s Eve Ball Drop by the world famous and iconic Parachute Jump. (That’s a real deal landmark, folks.) They were anticipating huge crowds. I was anticipating freezing cold, and given the fact that the Coney Island boardwalk is right on the water with a cold wind blowing in, I was right.

But they were wrong about the crowds. It was deserted.

 

To Be Continued.

nyeve-2015-preview-coney-island

 

 

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