April 13, 2015
Hi gang! And I mean that literally. A big “hi and hello” to the Satanic Ugnaughts, a biker gang in Muncie Indiana. Their leader, Big Stan Satan, writes me every week. Unfortunately, I can’t share any of his comments, they may incriminate him. Anyway, here it is, another installment of Snappy Answers To Newser Headlines. As usual, the last time I did this, I was swamped with responses!
“Cease and desist.” -Newser
“Cease and desist.” -Abrams and Smith, attorneys for Newser Inc.
And here are the newest headlines. I can’t wait to read your raves!
“Russia Hackers Had Access to Obamas Schedule”
The White House has now given more Presidential access to the Russians than it has to the Republicans.
“Dr. Andre Van Der Merwe says patient’s life was ‘just Hell'”
Sure, but imagine the poor Doctor, having to explain to people what he does for a living. “I’m a penis transplant surgeon!” Well, at least he has piles of cash to console himself with.
“Kansas Bill: No Welfare Cash at Movies, Psychics”
What, no more welfare money for psychics? Someone should have seen that one coming.
“Judge: Go Ahead, Serve Divorce Papers on Facebook”
Why not? It’s probably the cause of the divorce anyway
“Rare Black Flamingo Seen In Cyprus.
It’s hard to miss among its peers”
Minutes later it was shot by the police.