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Taylor Swift’s Top Ten Crazy Demands

4 Oct

October 4, 2014

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Taylor Swift’s Top Ten Crazy Demands

According to this article, Taylor Swift has been making some crazy demands of her limo company. Here, in no particular order, are her Top Ten Crazy Demands.

1- Limo drivers are not allowed to talk to Taylor Swift. This includes these phrases:

  • Hello.
  • Please fasten your seatbelt.
  • Oh my god that truck is going too fast!
  • Are you OK?
  • Blink twice if you can hear me.

2- All radios within 50 feet of Taylor Swift must be electronically altered so that they cannot play any music by Harry Styles.

3- Anyone allowed to speak to Taylor Swift may not make eye contact. They should instead make eye contact with a target which an assistant will hold up approximately 3 feet behind Taylor’s left shoulder.

4- There should always be 3 boxes of tissues on hand at any time for use after a messy breakup.

5- Any person in the same room as Taylor Swift for no less than 15 minutes will be considered to be in a relationship with her and may be the subject of a song.

6- All persons are forbidden to mention Mr. Blog or Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride in Taylor Swift’s presence.

7- Anyone spotting Jake Gyllenhaal must, without regard to personal safety, rush over to him and punch, hit, or kick him hard enough to make him cry, just like Taylor Swift did after he took her virginity and then didn’t even show up for her birthday party.

8- Do not immediately call for medical aid for Taylor Swift if she goes into convulsions. She may just be trying to “shake, shake, shake it off.”

9-Taylor Swift may only be photographed with professional lighting and a personally picked photographer. If none is available, a well-known portrait painter represented in the Louvre may be substituted.

10- In the event that Katy Perry and Taylor Swift are in the same room, please provide Taylor Swift with a private room for her to tweet nasty things about Katy.

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Life and Death: August 16th

16 Aug

August 16, 2014

These famous people died on August 16th:

1948: Babe Ruth

1949: Margaret Mitchell

1956: Bela Lugosi

1959: Admiral “Bull” Halsey

1977: Elvis Presley

babe

These famous people were born on August 16th:

1954: James Cameron

1958: Madonna

1962: Steve Carell

cameron

Hardly seems like a fair trade, does it?

 

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“Look! Up in the sky…, um, down in the sewer! It’s… It’s…”

7 Aug

August 7, 2014

“Look! Up in the sky…, um, down in the sewer! It’s… It’s…”

Doodyman!

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This is real. I saw this on the side of a truck yesterday and I’ve been chuckling all day.

I can only think of one name better for a plumber and drain cleaner, Jim Doody. It’s based on the old song Jim Dandy, just change the lyrics and you have a perfect jingle.

Jim Doody to the rescue
Jim Doody to the rescue
Jim Doody to the rescue
Go, Jim Doody
Go, Jim Doody

Jim Doody on a sewer drain
so clogged it’s a pain
He’s got a lady with a broken pipe
Uh huh, no way, that ain’t right
Jim Doody to the rescue
Go, Jim Doody
Go, Jim Doody

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