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Mr. Blog Remembers Abe Vigoda

27 Jan

January 27, 2016

Today, the world mourns the loss of Abe Vigoda. It is our great honor, in this time of sadness, to induct him into Mr. Blog’s Hall of Fame. We will forever remember this icon.Vigoda plaque
Mr. Blog had actually met Mr. Vigoda, and in his honor, the Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride present this Classic Repost from 2010. This was the penultimate round of Mr. BTR’s contest to determine the best role model of the 1970’s. In round one, Esther Rolle (Florida Evans from Good Times) beat Mabel King (Momma from What’s Happening?). In the second round, Jack Alberston (The Man from Chico and The Man) knocked out Robert Hegyes (Juan Epstein from Welcome Back Kotter). Round three came down to The Battle of The Lawmen. Please enjoy!

From January 8, 2010

Who is the best 1970’s television role model?

Round two was a hard-fought battle of the unlikely, with “The Man” coming out of retirement to win a Charo-fueled win over Sweat Hog Juan Epstein. What did it prove? Sadly, that “The Man” can still keep a Latino down. (Just ask anyone whose bank turned them down for a loan.)

Round Three
“Battle of the Lawmen”

BARNABY JONES VS. BARNEY MILLER’S FISH          

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Barnaby Jones was a Quinn Martin production. Quinn Martin was a prolific TV producer who had the idea to cast an old man in a detective show. Unfortunately, the actor was a bit too old, as evidenced by the picture above, where Barnaby is not quite sure which is the phone and which is the gun. In the picture below, a gun-wielding thug has almost talked Barnaby into buying into his time-share.

The casting of the lead role was controversial from the start. Quinn Martin wanted an established television star for the role. After a long and deliberate casting process, he settled on this man, currently starring in the autobiographical Beverly Hillbillies:

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It was never explained just how Barnaby made the jump from hillbilly to cop, but in a strange twist, both of this round’s contestants served together in an elite peace-keeping force:

 

Detective Phil Fish was born well over one hundred years ago, yet no matter how old he was, he never looked his age. He looked at least twice his age.

Early on it was noted that Detective Phillip “Abe Vigoda” Fish bore an eerie similarity to another television personality, Richard Simmons.

 

However, as he lost his hair, he became a dead ringer for Boris Karloff.

    

As you can tell from these rare photos, the resemblance was uncanny.

Fish went on to star in a series of films with Bela Lugosi, whose main claims to fame were that he played Dracula, became a drug addict, and he played Dracula.

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This particular still is taken from 1935’s Universal release, The Cramped Fingers of Evil, starring Detective Fish as Professor Barnabas Lennsing and Bela Lugosi as Dr.Vampire J. Hammitup.

The battle was very close, but the win has to go to Fish. Why? Check out this very rare comic book from 1979. Barnaby Jones never had a view-master reel, let alone his own comic book.

WINNER: FISH

Coming Soon:

FINAL THREE-WAY
WINNER-TAKE-ALL
BRAWL-FOR-IT -ALL:

Esther Rolle Vs. “The Man” Vs. The Fish

C’mon, Kohl’s. You can do better.

13 Jan

January 13, 2016

Kohls-logo

Right around Christmas Saarah and I found ourselves shopping in Kohl’s. That’s not a place I shop in during the best of times, but we were out, it was late, and the store was open 24/7 leading up to the holiday, so why not?

I’ll tell you why not.

I don’t care for Kohl’s because as good a deal as their “Kohl’s Cash” may be, it requires the cashier to take the extra steps of digging some out from a drawer, sticking it in the printer to be validated, then stapling it to your receipt along with the 3 or 4 other things that Kohl’s randomly staples to your receipt. (I swear they once stapled an old taco coupon to my receipt.) Now I know that this doesn’t sound like much, and yes, it only adds 30 seconds or a minute to the transaction, but multiply that minute by the 25 people on line ahead of you during the Christmas rush and you can see why I’m not too keen on it.

But that’s not the problem.

Saarah was shopping for clothes and I was doing what I usually do in these situations: carrying her bags. (I also may or may not have been stealing glances at all the boss Force Awakens merchandise, but that’s neither here nor there.) Anyway, there was a nice top on one of the mannequins that Saarah really liked, so we looked around and tried to find the rack they were on. I mean c’mon, of course the mannequin had to be near the rack of clothes it was displaying, right? Right?

No.

So we kept looking and looking, moving further and further away from the display and totally coincidentally, I swear, nearer to the Force Awakens stuff. (“Hey, maybe the top is next to that Kylo Ren cookie jar.”) We eventually found ourselves almost, but not completely standing in the exact middle of the housewares department, two sections over.

And no, the top was not there either.

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Well, faced with no alternative, we did what no man ever wants to do, but will grudgingly do when faced with one of Saarah’s disapproving stares: we asked an associate for help. It wasn’t clear, because the associate was very helpfully not wearing a name tag, but he may have been an assistant manager. I doubt he was a full manager because he was available on the floor, and by their very nature Kohl’s managers are not to be found. They are elusive. Combine the camouflage skills of a navy SEAL and the instinct for self-preservation of a lower primate and you have a Kohl’s manager. (I apologize to any Kohl’s manager who has read- or more likely, has needed this read to them- thus far.)

The best way I can describe him is: He was this guy:

And this was the reason we couldn’t find the top: The clothes on the mannequins are ones that they are out of. If they only have one left they put it on a display. He actually managed to say that as if it was logical and made sense.

So they are advertising clothes that they know they do not have.

I may have too much common sense, but it seems to me that really isn’t a good way to sell clothes. Nor is it a good way to make happy customers. All it makes is annoyed customers who can’t find the items they want. And in our case it makes customers into non-customers. Fed up, we left.

And no, I didn’t sneak back for the cookie jar.

 

 

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