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Other Slogans Starbucks Considered Writing on Cups before “Race Together”

25 Mar

March 25, 2015

1- Want a scone with this, Whitey?

2- This is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe?

3- Go Sox

4- Draw a funny mustache on this picture of a Republican

The_Subsidised_Mineowner

5- This is Starbucks. Why are we talking about race when this store is 90% white hipsters? Let’s talk skinny jeans instead.

 

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John Newly Is Taking Calls (Lying Awake #7)

18 Mar

March 18, 2015

1275923315_96962728_1-online-radio-host-required-multan-1275923315

- Ed from Michigan, you’re next on Lying Awake.

- John?

-Go ahead Ed, I’m listening.

- BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY STERN RULES BAB-*

- Hmm, Ed seemed to be talking in tongues. I wonder if he was possessed. Next up, Brad from New York. Hi Brad, how are you tonight

- Uh, I’m ok. Um, I’ve got a question for John.

- I’m John, go ahead with your question.

- Well, what I want to know is, why don’t you stick your head up a dead bear’s -*

- Whoa, whoa. Eddie, who’s screening tonight? That’s Fast Eddie, my producer I’m talking to. No one?

(inaudible, off mic.)

- Seriously? Art used to do unscreened open lines all the time? Really?

(inaudible, off mic.)

- Alright, we have time for one more call before the break. Bob, from Bowie Maryland, you’re on Lying Awake.

- BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY HOWARD STERN!

- Sigh, we’ll be right back after these words from all natural herbal formic acid remedies.

- STERN RULES!

rizzo3-500x500

 

 

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Apartment Hunting Nightmare #1

16 Mar

March 16, 2015

Picture this: An affordable apartment in a great neighborhood. You agree to meet the landlord at 1:00 and get there early. By 1:20 she isn’t there. So you call her back and she tells you that she was there, didn’t see you, and left. That doesn’t make sense since you were sitting in your car right in front of the place and never saw her, but this time you get out and stand in the doorway, in the rain , so she doesn’t miss you. A few minutes later she arrives and you go upstairs with her where she tries to unlock the apartment door and fails. The door has a brand new lock, for which she has the key, and a very old lock, for which she doesn’t have the key. She tries to open the door again, you try to open the door, and eventually you both give up. You leave, never having gotten to see the apartment.

True story.

brokendoor

 

 

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